today nak gi mall, beli brg2 yg aku tringin sgt nak beli tapi mahal giler. aku tak biasa beli brg2 mahal... sbb tula kena make sure aku suka giler baru aku beli. this would be my last time menjejakkan kaki ker mall, i think. esok dah nak kena uruskan hal lain lak kat central. tutup bank account and amik transcript, print out resume.... best betul la time spring nih.. lagi best sbb aku dah takyah amik kelas... ehhee.. lepak2 baca romance book dalam bilik jer. bertambah best sbb bilik apis, elly, apu ngan akam dekat2 jer... takyah nak jalan jauh2... bosan duduk bilik elly, gi bilik apu tgk tv (elly takder cable). takpun main pool kat game room.

time2 takder keje ni, semua org nyer blog la aku pegi... dalam satu hari, ada la 2 kali aku gi blog2 org... skrg nak gi mall pukul 3 lak.. so, kali ni, panjang la sikit aku tulis. aku kena pk ni, nak buat apa kat malaysia before aku masuk keje. budak2 pet yg lain kena interview on may 31st. since aku balik awal... aku tak tau aku nyer interview biler. kalau diorg suruh dtg balik sini, cool jer. i don't mind. kalau diorg suruh stay, mampusla aku kena carik formal clothes utk interview. baju aku semua selekeh jer.. dahla mahal suit kat sini.

seronok nyer kat malaysia nanti, aku tak payah masak dah. bosan dah aku makan makanan aku... rasa sama jer.... masak kicap, masak merah, goreng ayam. aku pernah gak try masak kurma and kari. tapi masalahnyer kena letak santan. and santan kat sini sucks giler dia nyer rasa. lagipun, kdg2 aku buat jadi, kdg2 tak jadi...

okla.. nak pukul 3 ni... aku nak bersolek jap b4 gi mall..

elly dah gi kelas... semua org pun dah gi kelas.. aku jer yg tgh duk melepak2... ehehe.. jgn jeles... bangun2 pagi tadi ingat nak gi ncrb.. nak pinjam card elly bila elly kuar pukul 10. tapi half-way jalan, aku terlupa nak bawak m-card nak swap ngan elly. kalau patah balik mmg tak sempat la... last2 aku balik main pool jer... sucks giler aku main. pukul straight pun tak masuk.. tension tul...

hopefully ptg ni tak ujan. boleh aku gi main rollerblade... semalam main, aku rasa dah cukup confident and boleh control the blade.. bila dah masuk spring ni... whether mmgla best.. tapi hidung,mata ngan kulit aku gatal2... tension ghell...

better aku sambung aku nyer tido balik..

last week ada 3 exams.. i was sooo stressed. tinggal satu jer exam next week. and that class aku amik pass/fail. so, takyah sungguh2 study pun takper. aku rasa aku dah biasa study habis2an bila sekolah nak abis. sbb tu la aku try gak nak dpt A for all my graded classes this sem, everything looks so good masa midterms... tapi after finals... aku tak taula camner. kalau aku masih sophomore or freshman aku sure tak kisah sgt. aku rasa aku ada that mentality sbb system blaja kat malaysia camtu. cuma PMR, SPM ngan UPSR jer yg penting. and those exams selalunyer by the end of the year... so, time tu la aku study bagai nak giler.. kalau setakat exams2 tgh tahun, aku buat tak reti jer... in fact, aku selalu dpt no 20 something in class. really cannot believe i can study here. maybe that is what we call a chance.

oh well... in two weeks i will be out of here... starting a new life... hopefully a much better life.. but, we never know. mcm org2 putih ckp, life is like a box of chocolate... and i forgot the rest... or mcm apa yg matde selalu ckp kat aku... hidup ni mcm roda, kejap kat atas, kejap kat bawah... aku tak paham napa he keeps saying that to me.... aku rasa dah cukup puas dah duduk kat sini. aku dpt buat semua benda yg aku nak buat... travelling, skiing, rollerblading, softball, volleyball kejap, main gamelan (buat show kat power center), naik rollercoaster, petik apple.. it's all good...

maybe balik mesia nanti aku nak blaja menembak or some martial art stuff... or dancing... for sure kena blaja bawak kete...

Rahsia Gadis Mengekalkan Keayaun
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Menjaga kejelitaan semulajadi (natural beauty) dengan tidak memakai bahan-bahan luaran tetapi menjaga emosi, fizikal dan mental. Gunakan masa untuk perkara yang berfaedah dan tentukan wawasan secara objektif, jangan banyak angan-angan. Tidur awal setiap malam dan bangun awal setiap pagi untuk solat subuh. Jangan tidur siang hari.

Menjaga suara. Latih diri bercakap dengan nada yang lembut, tidak sengau atau suaranya terlalu kuat.

Menjaga cara berkata-kata. Biasakan menggunakan perkataan yang melambangkan keluhuran budi seperti 'tolong' serta 'minta maaf'. Jangan gunakan perkataan yang terlalu beremosi seperti bosan, sakit hati, menyampah, benci dan sebagainya kerana ia akan menyebabkan muka jadi berkerut dan masam.

Menjaga kulit. Keebrsihan sentiasa dijaga. Makanan yang berupa ulam-ulam yang wangi serta sayuran dan buah-buahan segar patut selalu dimakan. Gunakan sabun yang tidak merosakkan kulit.

Menjaga muka. Tangan perlu sentiasa bersih dan lembut. Jangan gunakan bedak yang bukan-bukan.
Selalu menggunakan bedak sejuk untuk menjaga kulit muka. Jangan banyak berangan.

Menjaga rambut. Ia mahkota kejelitaan gadis. Bersihkan rambut tapi jangan terlalu kerap. Bila bersikat, ulangi sikatan ke seluruh bahagian kepala 100 kali untuk menjadikan rambut subur dan berkilat. Ramai lelaki suka pada gadis berambut panjang tapi kemas.

Menjaga cara berberjalan. Latih cara berjalan. Jauhi dari berjalan mengengkang atau tangan terlalu dihayun. Langkah jangan terlalu besar. Berjalan jangan terlalu laju. Badan jangan terlalu membongkok atau tegak. Leher jangan terteleng (senget sebelah). Muka elok ditundukkan sedikit.

Menjaga gerak-geri. Bila duduk di atas lantai duduklah dengan cara bersimpuh. Kalau duduk di atas kerusi, eloklah sila panggung. Jangan mengangkang. Tangan jangan terlalu digerakkan bila bercakap. Cara bergerak biarlah lemah-lembut.

Menjaga senyum. Latihlah senyum jangan tersengeh. Tutup mulut bila ketawa. Ketawa secara sederhana. Selalu senyum tapi untuk tujuan baik.

Menjaga mata. Mata janganlah terlalu liar memandang sekeliling. Tundukkan mata dan memandang hanya kepada apa yang sedang anda hadapi. Jangan terlalu kerap mengerdipkan mata. Usah terlalu kerap menjeling walaupun kepada buah hati anda.

Menjaga kehormatan. Sentiasa bertemankan ibu atau saudara bila keluar. Minta izin ibubapa. Pakaian sopan. Pulang seawal mungkin.

Menjaga sikap. Taat beragama. Jangan bohong. Jauhi dari merungut. Jauhi dari menjadi amat cerewet dan jaga hati orang lain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Tamat *

got this from a friend....

============================================================
Choice and Chance...
*****************************
When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the
right time, that's chance.
When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.
Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together
because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards.
When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction
to the next level?
That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want
to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance.
That's choice.
When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you
know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and
richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same,
that's choice.

Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that
lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.
Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true
about this:
"Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen."

I do believe that soul mates do exist.
That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the
choice if you're going to do something about it or not.
We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mate
is still a choice we have to make.

We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love... BUT to learn how
to love an imperfect person perfectly...
===============================================================

anger
*******

what makes a person angry?
is it even a valid emotion?
what is anger?
what do people feels when they are angry?
do they feels like punching other people? what if there is no one to hit?
will the heart beats faster?
why the face become so red sometime?
why as a human we need to experience anger?
i think a lot of bad things happen when people get mad. for example... couple breaking up. one country intrude another country. parents disown their own children. friends stop talking to another friend..
isn't life a lot more better if there is no anger in this world?

but, on the other hand, if somehow, we are being bullied or oppressed... then the anger will help us to stop them. we'll rise to the oppressor.
but, do we know what is a "good" and "bad" anger? should I be angry when I lost my room key because the room is too messy? to whom should I feel angry to? to the clothes on the floor? I'm the one that put it there. so, what should I do to mysefl now? scold myself? hit myself? punish myself so I can't watch that 70's show (classical conditioning) ?what good will it do?

---- only Allah knows why.....

lepakking days
******************

minggu ni mmg minggu membuang masa aku... tapi aku rasa, i need the rest. normally kalau aku dah buang masa byk sgt, aku nyer weekdays sure productive... malam khamis dah start hang out sbb bosan, tapi aku rasa start malam rabu pun.... then jumaat ptg, gi dinner ngan budak2 eecs ( graduation party). balik dalam pukul 10.30 , lepak ngan apu, elly, hafiz lak sampai pukul 2 kot...tido pukul 4.30 and bangun pukul 4.30 ptg. then hasdi buat house warming, lepak kat rumah hasdi dari pukul 5 sampai pukul 10.30. pastu lepak ngan elly, hafiz, hakam and bob sampai pukul 2/3 lebih.... esok paginyer pegi rumah mehrun bersama liza...do some girly stuff... sampai pukul 4.30.. and finally at 5.15 makan kat rumah bob with some other guys untill 12.15... damn... byk giler lepak... tapi aku nak balik malaysia pun. might as well spend as much time as possible with these guys... nanti dah susah nak hang out camni lagik... and maybe tak dpt nak mengutuk each other depan2 lagi after this...

already... need to make an outline for my psycho paper.

semalam jumpa sofia.. masa ckp2 pasal nak carik suit kat mana yg murah, tiba2 aku find out yg dia pun budak BBGS gak... damn... tak sangka lak. dahla dia duduk dekat ngan asrama aku. aku SPM 97, sofia SPM 96. then aku 5S2, sofia 5S1. camnerla aku boleh tak prasan sofia... maybe i did, but eventually forgot about it. then gi rumah bob, spank the monkey sat, main bowling sat, then tgk two weeks notice. cool gak la that movie... as usual, i love those kind of movies... romantic movies... i can watch that kind of movies over and over and over again... citer my best friend wedding pun dah tgk berapa puluh kali... selalunyer kalau julia robert, drew berrymore, sandra bullocks and this one actress that i cannot remember her name berlakon, sure best nyer...

hidup ni trasa sungguh kelakar... kdg2 aku rasa seronok... kdg2 rasa sucks giler... kdg2 trasa mcm nak jadi giler... yg peliknyer aku baru jer bersukaria ngan member2 aku tadik... napa lak tiba2 aku rasa tak best ni? nak kata sbb programming, almost done. nak kata pasal balak.. balak jauh beribu batu.... so, mmg takder kena mengena.. maybe aku homesick sikit2 kot. last year, aku homesick since aku balik sini sampaila aku balik malaysia lagi sekali... this year ok sikit.. maybe sbb aku takyah pk pasal sapa2... aku kena risau pasal diri sendiri jer.. i'm sure gonna miss this "doesn't care about anybody else but myself" feeling... bak kata rush, kena pandai jaga diri sendiri... don't let people hurt your feelings.. not that i'm hurt.. just saying..... ermm.. this ramblings can go on and on and on... so, i'm gonna stop here...

skrg ni.. bukak blog semua org, mesti kuar bunyi... aku nyer blog jer takder bunyi... dahla lay out sucks... tapi since aku malas nak tambah benda2 tu semua... aku biar jerla aku nyer blog as simple as it is.... semalam terlepas tgk that 70's show sbb buat programming. hopefully today aku tak terlupa lagi sbb ada will & grace and friends yg baru... suka giler tgk sitcom, bila kat malaysia krg sure tak leh nak tgk selalu.. unless ada astro or something..

semalam tgk confession of a dangerous mind. kinda dissappointed sbb julia robert kuar 5 minite jer... goerge clooney pun takder tunjukkan dia nyer charisma sgt... tapi all in all, aku rasa citer dia not that bad. it's kinda unique... kinda... sorta.. so, skrg i'm looking forward to watch punch drunk love and spy kid 2.

aku nak
************
aku nak jam baru..
aku nak perfume isimiyaki ( tak sure eja tul tak )
aku nak satu suit baru for interview..
aku nak makan ikan merah yg digoreng
aku nak diamond ring
aku nak high heel baru
aku nak crystals...

dalam kelas psycho, cikgu aku ckp, kalau kita amik 2 groups, satu group suruh list down 6 reasons why u love your significant other, and satu lagi group list down 12 reasons why u love your significant other. and after that, tanya balik those people samada dia betul2 satisfied with the partner. the result is, group yg kena list down 6 reaons is more satisfied with his/her partner... sbb kalau kita try carik more reasons kenapa kita suka balak/awek kita than the ones that we know... kita akan start rasa yg kita tak satisfied with him/her...

fuh... baru balik dari shopping... penat giler.. tula yg aku malas nak gi shopping, sure trasa penat in the end. dpt kasut jer.. suit tak dpt.. ada tapi mahal sgt. so, maybe next time aku kena gi lagi... since ada 1 bulan jer lagi nak duduk sini... aku makan mmg tak ingat dunia nyer... everyday makan kat luar.. tak larat dah nak makan food sendiri.

member2 masa high school
******************************
just in case u guys don't know, aku duduk kat Asrama Toh Puan Norashikin and bersekolah di Bukit Bintang Girls' School for 5 years.

yann
budak ATPN gak, satu kelas ngan minah ni from F1, F4 & F5. deskmate kat prep class as well as masa kat sekolah. so, in short, we're very close. gelak sama2, tidur sama2 dalam kelas, kutuk semua cikgu2 yg ajar kitorg sama2 (patutla selalu dpt no corot dalam kelas). minah ni kurus giler sampai org panggil dia kate Moss malaysia... kalau main netball, asyik jatuh jer... org langgar, jatuh, dia langgar org pun dia jatuh gak...muka cam muka hindustan gak... so, mamat paling hensem kat asrama laki ngorat dia... tapi since mamat tu player, aku suruh dia clash... napala.. ko ikut ckp aku yann, kalau aku, aku sure tak ikut pun ckp aku... biasala tu kan...

zana
she's very pretty, people ckp muka mcm posh spice. so, she acted and dress like her (pakai baju itam jer). deskmate at school in F2 and F3. somehow i hated her for a while in F4. can't really remember why... maybe because she poked me a lot... also, lost contact already

ayong
masuk ATPN masa F4. dulu belajar kat sek agama.. so, she was the first person yg pakai tudung labuh kat BBGS (yg pakai tudung pun boleh kira ngan jari). suka gelak besar (pelik gak masa baru2 jumpa). but i got use to it... member duduk kat dalam library masa lunch sbb nak simpan duit utk tambang balik rumah

singa
dpt gelaran ni sbb garang sgt. tapi hati baik... love the way she speaks. muka lawa.. tapi malangnyer byk jerawat.. selalu ada guy problem (akula penasihat nyer).

memem
pakai spec tebal.. skrg dah tak lagi... lawa giler mata dia sbnrnya.. suka joke around and buat aksi stripper... entah mana la blaja.... rajin baca buku, tapi in the end selalunyer buku yg baca dia... selalu invent new words (i.e bergedumbek = bersuka ria tahap maksima)

bugys
inila anakanda aku... sapa2 balak aku akan jadi ayahanda dia la (ko dpt ayahanda muda la skrg bugys).. aku pun tak ingat since bila dia panggil aku bonda. maybe sbb aku selalu membebel and urutkan kepala dia kot...and maybe dari situ jugakla aku develop aku nyer skill mengurut kepala. selalu bergossip bawah ampaian belakang asrama/depan surau etc etc.. dia nyer cousin hot giler...mekanik lak tuh... ehehe...

anis
the first person yg aku bagitau aku nyer "secret" yg forever change my life. she's cool and open minded. tak kisah langsung half-naked dalam bilik... kitorg selalu bertukar2 secret. also member mengorat mamat2 depan asrama. aku stop activity tu bila org lebih gatal dari aku gi ngorat mamat2 tu lak. buruk rupanyer ngorat laki. unfortunately, she left in F3... skrg dah ada 2 anak... (maybe my first friend yg got married)

awin
byk giler ckp and selalu tukar2 balak... so, aku la penasihat dia..... don't know what happen to her now. kinda pretty too.. aku dikelilingi pompuan lawa rupanyer masa high school...

pidah
selalu kena gastrik tapi degil taknak makan ubat and jrg makan.. so, aku selalu tension jer ngan dia... sensitive, very artistic.. roomate since F1 till F5.. fuh... can't believe it...

i hated the school and hostel.. i'm so glad i left the place... but i always miss the people in it... these are the people that have made me what i am today... too many memories that i don't want to forget....

Recently, I learn about personality in psychology class. There is a theory (cannot remember which one) saying that we develop our personality as early as 7 years old and we normally look at our parents as a role model. I strongly agree with that. I really look up at my parents. I’m so amaze at how my father feed, cloth and school 8 people with only RM1000 a month. Right now, I don’t think I can even live with 1000, let alone feed another human being. And my mom, she stayed at home, all day long taking care of us. It must be so stressful. But she pulled it through. It is truly amazing. My dad never believe in telling his children what not to do. So, whenever he doesn’t agree with what I wanted to do, he’ll start giving out 1000 reasons why I shouldn’t do it. And when I’m not doing very well at school (i.e. Got third place from bottom), he’ll start asking why and why and why…. It happened. Believe me, it is very2 annoying. I love them so much but unfortunately, I never say it in front of them. We are just never good at expressing our feeling. I think my mom is so cool because she always let me cut class whenever I want especially in high school. I don’t know why, but I always hated school.

People always say, the reason why we have to get a degree is to get a good job. I think that is true to some extent. But, for me, going to school, teach me how to think. So I can be a better person. So hopefully I’ll make better judgments when the occasion arises. Even though by now I realize that I keep making stupid decisions in my life.

- Split Personality-

finally, aku dah amik brg2 matde dari Bate. pukul 8.30 pagi baru nak call aku. rupa2nyer dia tunggu aku kat office dia. ngok sungguh. dah suruh aku call bilik dia, dia gi pulak tunggu kat office. as usual, before dpt nak set kan masa nak jumpa, membebel2 la dia dalam tepon. tak boleh ker kalau set kan masa terus, takyah byk bunyik.. anyways, sapa2 yg terbaca blog aku ni, aku ada byk brg2 matde yg aku nak kasik..so, call me.

tiba2 aku rasa mual2 and pening2 kepala hari ni... takkanla aku kena keracunan makanan lagik? logik gak sbnrnya sbb pagi tadi aku minum susu yg date dah mampus hari ni. dasyat giler la aku kat sini. asal ada food, telan jer.. aku mmg tak reti nak bezakan food tu dah spoil ke idak. so, byk kali la aku ni kena keracunan makanan kat sini. kdg2 kalau dah lapa sgt, makanan dah rasa lain sikit pun, aku terpaksa telan jer and just hoping i won't get sick.....

Song of the day
******************************
Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows
knee kigh
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

ps: betul la kata apu, lagu ni best...

things are going pretty ok skrg ni.. program no 5 dah siap ngan berjaya nyer.. so, everything is good.

petronas nyer interview kena tangguh la pulak. starting next month, hidup aku sure dah busy. final and all.. tolongla jgn masa aku nyer final diorg nak buat interview.. pastu dgr2 maybe pet takder keje for electrical engineers. kalau camni, terpaksala aku carik keje kat kilang electronics kat malaysia.... jadi minah kilang balik la aku ni....tapi cool gak.. boleh jumpa mat2 motor... ehehe... i don't know why, tapi aku rasa mat2 motor is soooo cooolllll... and smoking guys are cool too.... maybe masa aku growing up, most guys yg aku jumpa is mat motor and smoker kot...

lama giler aku dah tak update aku nyer blog, busy giler lately... ermm.. skrg dah rasa boleh bernafas sikit. weekend kena study for exam on monday la tapi.

semenjak2 aku nak abis blaja ni, byk kali gakla aku reflect kat benda2 bodoh yg aku pernah buat semenjak masuk tadika(sbb that's the earliest memory that i have). tapi semua benda2 bodoh yg aku buat tu ada pengajaran dia jugak....

hari ni, aku nak cerita one of it. setiap hari nak gi tadika, kakak aku bonceng aku naik basikal. masa duduk kat belakang tu, aku selalu la tengok jari2 basikal tu...aku curious giler, camner la kalau aku masukkan tumit aku dalam jejari tu... satu hari ni, aku decided nak masukkan gak, mula2 rasa geli2... and tak sakit pun...lama gak aku biar jer.... then bila kakak aku nak stop basikal, aku trasa sakit... dia tak tau pun aku buat tu... pastu aku tengok tumit dah takder kulit.... giler ngeri... lepas tu, aku dah tak ingat apa jadi. aku rasa cikgu aku balutkan kaki aku kot.. so, pengajaran dari insiden tu, walaupun camner curious pun kat something, jgn pakai buat jer.. pk dulu...

ok.. sekian terima kasih...

Dear, dear diary

I wanna tell my secrets
'Cause you're the only one
That I know will keep them
Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them
So this is what I've done

I've been a bad, bad girl
For so long
Don't know how to change
What went wrong
Daddy's little girl
But he went away
What did it teach me?
That love leaves yeah, yeah

Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
'Cause you're the only one
That I know will keep them
Dear, dear diary

I wanna tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them
So this is what I've done

I've been down every road
You could go
I've made some bad choices
As you know
Seems like I got this whole world
Cradled in my hand
It's just like me not to understand, yeah

Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
'Cause you're the only one
That I know will keep them
Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
I've been a bad, bad girl

I learned my lessons young and
I turned myself around

I gotta guardian angel
Tattooed on my shoulder
She's been watchin' over me


Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
'Cause you're the only one
That I know will keep them
Dear, dear diary
I wanna tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them
So this is what I've done