i have big problem balancing between family and work
this is so tough
i have a perception in Islam, we are responsible to balance everything in our life.
between dunia and akhirat...
betwwen family and career
i have come to a point where i need to choose where am i heading in my career
do i stay and spend less time with my kids and travel the world looking for business
or do i go find a desk job which i may not like so much but will give me more time with my kids.
so, i asked myself, what is the purpose of my life.
snd recently i found that my purpose on this earth is to worship Allah
i can worship Allah and have my career
but what about my family?
think i really have to prioratize my life. which is more important?
when i passed away, the ones that will remember and hopefully will pray for me is my kids. so, they are my priority... i need to guide them...
i think i kinda know waht to do now.... ermmm.... i like what i do... damnnnnn
i have to keep remind myself... there's so much that i need to improve about myself... masyaAllah....
it is a never ending struggle of the heart....may Allah never stop giving me guidance on what is best...
Sunday, November 20, 2011
last few days was listening to the translation of "Al-Humaza"
MasyaAllah.... for me it is a common knowledge that we should not mengumpat or talk bad about people... but after listening to this surah translation, it really open my eyes and heart how bad this is
for years, i have been talking bad behind and in front of people. Allah really angry at this kind of people. SubhanAllah... may Allah forgive my shortcomings
it is indeed much easier said than done. i have to always consciously remember not to talk bad about people behind their back or in front of them. i still remember there was a line in Quran that mentioned about how we were given lips so that we may control our tongue. MasyaAllah...
in my line of work, this is really really hard to do. sometimes they make me angry, was being inefficeint and i just lost it. it will make me feel very bad for yelling at the person coz when it happens, normally i do it in front of people. and Allah does not approve of such behavior.
as hard as it is, i will need to do this... i must stop talking bad about people behind their back or yell at them or even look at them condensingly. MasyaAllah... besar nyer la dosa aku ni....
marilah kita sama2 berusaha ke arah itu..
MasyaAllah.... for me it is a common knowledge that we should not mengumpat or talk bad about people... but after listening to this surah translation, it really open my eyes and heart how bad this is
for years, i have been talking bad behind and in front of people. Allah really angry at this kind of people. SubhanAllah... may Allah forgive my shortcomings
it is indeed much easier said than done. i have to always consciously remember not to talk bad about people behind their back or in front of them. i still remember there was a line in Quran that mentioned about how we were given lips so that we may control our tongue. MasyaAllah...
in my line of work, this is really really hard to do. sometimes they make me angry, was being inefficeint and i just lost it. it will make me feel very bad for yelling at the person coz when it happens, normally i do it in front of people. and Allah does not approve of such behavior.
as hard as it is, i will need to do this... i must stop talking bad about people behind their back or yell at them or even look at them condensingly. MasyaAllah... besar nyer la dosa aku ni....
marilah kita sama2 berusaha ke arah itu..
Sunday, October 23, 2011
My son is getting curious at things.
Some of the questions are pretty hard to be answered.
Yesterday we were sitting on the chair that my late mom and dad used to sit
No one sat there anymore and it collected some dust
His first question was why is the chairs so dirty?
I answered this was atuk n nenek chair. Then he saw my mom's scooter.
He asked whose scooter it was and I answered
Then he asked why no one used that scooter, I answered because nenek has passed away
I guess he remembered his grandpa or grandma funeral and start asking about why nenek passed away
That is so hard to answer because he wouldn't understand what cancer is
I did say nenek has a bad stomach ache and she was sick. He got scared. He said he doesn't want to get stomach ache.
Whenever my son asked questions I try my best to answer him with things that he can relate with
I hope he can understand it
I remembered when I was a child I use to wonder about things and I hope I can guide my son and will not stop him to be curious at things
Some of the questions are pretty hard to be answered.
Yesterday we were sitting on the chair that my late mom and dad used to sit
No one sat there anymore and it collected some dust
His first question was why is the chairs so dirty?
I answered this was atuk n nenek chair. Then he saw my mom's scooter.
He asked whose scooter it was and I answered
Then he asked why no one used that scooter, I answered because nenek has passed away
I guess he remembered his grandpa or grandma funeral and start asking about why nenek passed away
That is so hard to answer because he wouldn't understand what cancer is
I did say nenek has a bad stomach ache and she was sick. He got scared. He said he doesn't want to get stomach ache.
Whenever my son asked questions I try my best to answer him with things that he can relate with
I hope he can understand it
I remembered when I was a child I use to wonder about things and I hope I can guide my son and will not stop him to be curious at things
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Every Ramadhan i try to improved myself spiritually and will try to increase my ibadah. normally i do it by trying to read Quran and it's meaning. somehow i cannot relate the meaning to my life at all. Quran should be the guidance of our life and we should be able to apply it as it is timeless. so, i search the net and you tube of some tafsir since i dont have time to go find scholars and dedicate some hours for this. this is the best i can do for now. alhamdullilah, found some tafsir from Brother Nouman Ali Khan. Have been listening to it since then whenever i can, which is very little indeed with juggling between work, kids and husband.
the tafseer were dated since 2009 and it is very contemporary. He explains each word in each ayat and try to relate it to current situation. it gives an insight and deeper meaning than the Quran translation that i normally read. Masya Allah... the first tafseer i listened was surah Al Asr. Masya Allah... this surah really gives me perspective of what i should prioritize in my life. if any of the reader have time, please go and study this surah. "Demi Masa sesungguhnyer manusia dalam kerugian"
and there is actually a song about it.
i am not a scholar and will not be able to give any commentary on the surah or whatsoever. according to Brother Nouman human in nature is obsessed. we will try to find something to worship over. some goes after dress, games, girls... etc etc... when we really should be worshipping Allah. somehow i saw the truth in it. i was quite lost before, since i have no passion for anything, i feel a bit lost really. when i hear this and try as best to worship Allah in a deeper meaning. to truly worship Allah and do it not because it is mandatory but to do it because i want it. I can now look at the world differently than before. what i have and what i think or even the advises i give to my colleague at work does not come from me. it came from Allah... subhanallah...
I still have issues about my hubby not giving enough money though. this one i still work on it and will try to deal with it maybe for the rest of my life.
May Allah never stop giving us guidance
the tafseer were dated since 2009 and it is very contemporary. He explains each word in each ayat and try to relate it to current situation. it gives an insight and deeper meaning than the Quran translation that i normally read. Masya Allah... the first tafseer i listened was surah Al Asr. Masya Allah... this surah really gives me perspective of what i should prioritize in my life. if any of the reader have time, please go and study this surah. "Demi Masa sesungguhnyer manusia dalam kerugian"
and there is actually a song about it.
i am not a scholar and will not be able to give any commentary on the surah or whatsoever. according to Brother Nouman human in nature is obsessed. we will try to find something to worship over. some goes after dress, games, girls... etc etc... when we really should be worshipping Allah. somehow i saw the truth in it. i was quite lost before, since i have no passion for anything, i feel a bit lost really. when i hear this and try as best to worship Allah in a deeper meaning. to truly worship Allah and do it not because it is mandatory but to do it because i want it. I can now look at the world differently than before. what i have and what i think or even the advises i give to my colleague at work does not come from me. it came from Allah... subhanallah...
I still have issues about my hubby not giving enough money though. this one i still work on it and will try to deal with it maybe for the rest of my life.
May Allah never stop giving us guidance
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
i have been always fascinated by economics even when i dont knonw what it means and still kinda confuse what an economist do.
and i dont know how to be an economist. i always have this craving of wanting to be an economist. so, last night, i looked it up in the net. i found that to be an economist, mostly i will have to have some master degrees at least.
it has a lot of maths. so, good in math is a bonus. i think i am good in math.
i have also read some economics book. i've read two Friedman's books. both are too boring but i endured it. and some other econ books.another thing is that i have to improve my writing skill. actually i have to be good at it.
i have always wanted to improve my writing skills. maybe i need to find a class and pay for myself. the objective is for me to select a topic.. whatever it will be and write coherently about it. nothing like writing in a blog
so, for the next two months, i will assign myself to read the economist on a weekly basis. choose a topic of a day and try to write coherently in this blog. i still want to try to become an economist. maybe when i already finished paying of my student loan and mr. hubby managed to get a much higher pay job. in the meantime, will just figure out how to be an economist on part time basis.
sometimes i wish mr. hubby will stop his obsession with internet games. but it will be not called an obsession if he can stop it that easily.
and i dont know how to be an economist. i always have this craving of wanting to be an economist. so, last night, i looked it up in the net. i found that to be an economist, mostly i will have to have some master degrees at least.
it has a lot of maths. so, good in math is a bonus. i think i am good in math.
i have also read some economics book. i've read two Friedman's books. both are too boring but i endured it. and some other econ books.another thing is that i have to improve my writing skill. actually i have to be good at it.
i have always wanted to improve my writing skills. maybe i need to find a class and pay for myself. the objective is for me to select a topic.. whatever it will be and write coherently about it. nothing like writing in a blog
so, for the next two months, i will assign myself to read the economist on a weekly basis. choose a topic of a day and try to write coherently in this blog. i still want to try to become an economist. maybe when i already finished paying of my student loan and mr. hubby managed to get a much higher pay job. in the meantime, will just figure out how to be an economist on part time basis.
sometimes i wish mr. hubby will stop his obsession with internet games. but it will be not called an obsession if he can stop it that easily.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
last night was the third night aiman blaja Iqra' and i'm so proud of him because he can remembers most of it.
have not taught him ABC yet but i will next year
looking back, i kinda remember that my dad taught me ABC and jawi very early on too. by 7 years old i already know how to read and recite the quran
so, i think early education kinda help in your advancement in life
i never consider myself as genius. i am more hard working than most
whatever i do, be it studying or working, my motto is always "usaha tangga kejayaan"
so.. i will try to instill this in my kids as well
as long as we are resilient, insyallah we can face almost anything
the best thing that my father taught me was being independant and i think the best thing that i can impart my kids would be how to think...
have not taught him ABC yet but i will next year
looking back, i kinda remember that my dad taught me ABC and jawi very early on too. by 7 years old i already know how to read and recite the quran
so, i think early education kinda help in your advancement in life
i never consider myself as genius. i am more hard working than most
whatever i do, be it studying or working, my motto is always "usaha tangga kejayaan"
so.. i will try to instill this in my kids as well
as long as we are resilient, insyallah we can face almost anything
the best thing that my father taught me was being independant and i think the best thing that i can impart my kids would be how to think...
Monday, September 19, 2011
i feel so tired
when im at home, i am tired handling the kids and the house chore
when im in the office, i am mentally tired.
i really need to take a break
but when i think of taking a leave, there are a million things that i need to settle. have to change addresses in all the banks
open bank account for the kids and write a will
i have too many things under my name. i need to write a will ASAP.
ermm... really wish can just spend a day pampering myself.
maybe i need to take a day off, maybe this saturday send the kids to in laws and spend the day by myself. maybe, maybe.... have to see how on friday
when im at home, i am tired handling the kids and the house chore
when im in the office, i am mentally tired.
i really need to take a break
but when i think of taking a leave, there are a million things that i need to settle. have to change addresses in all the banks
open bank account for the kids and write a will
i have too many things under my name. i need to write a will ASAP.
ermm... really wish can just spend a day pampering myself.
maybe i need to take a day off, maybe this saturday send the kids to in laws and spend the day by myself. maybe, maybe.... have to see how on friday
Friday, September 16, 2011
selamat hari raya... maaf zahir batin
setahun sudah berlalu
this time last year, i am still cannot walk properly
sometimes when i look back, i can hardly imagine that i cannot walk at all
sometimes feels like it was just a nightmare
times flies...
my kids are growing up fast
myself getting older and hopefully wiser
alhamdullilah, after all the hardship i had to go through the past years
i finally able to figure out what i want out of my life
this is really really important. otherwise, we will not know what is important and what is not.
hope allah will grant me strength for me to pursue my life goal. it is not going to be easy and it can be monotanous. but i know my duties and like it or not, i have to do it. i have make a resolution that i will do it no matter what. no matter how boring it will be. i cannot be a career woman and at the same time be a mother.
i dont know why i am always angry. sometimes when i look at my child and see how easily they get angry, it really amazes me... maybe that is how we were born. but if we keep at it, we will surely hurt our loved ones. and i must be nicer to my husband
he is actually a very nice person. but he irritates me so much... even when i tell him he is being irritating.. ermm... something wrong with me perhaps?
like my boss used to say, admitting that we have a problem is the first step to improve ourselve. we cannot improve ourselves if we think there is nothing wrong within... errmmmm
setahun sudah berlalu
this time last year, i am still cannot walk properly
sometimes when i look back, i can hardly imagine that i cannot walk at all
sometimes feels like it was just a nightmare
times flies...
my kids are growing up fast
myself getting older and hopefully wiser
alhamdullilah, after all the hardship i had to go through the past years
i finally able to figure out what i want out of my life
this is really really important. otherwise, we will not know what is important and what is not.
hope allah will grant me strength for me to pursue my life goal. it is not going to be easy and it can be monotanous. but i know my duties and like it or not, i have to do it. i have make a resolution that i will do it no matter what. no matter how boring it will be. i cannot be a career woman and at the same time be a mother.
i dont know why i am always angry. sometimes when i look at my child and see how easily they get angry, it really amazes me... maybe that is how we were born. but if we keep at it, we will surely hurt our loved ones. and i must be nicer to my husband
he is actually a very nice person. but he irritates me so much... even when i tell him he is being irritating.. ermm... something wrong with me perhaps?
like my boss used to say, admitting that we have a problem is the first step to improve ourselve. we cannot improve ourselves if we think there is nothing wrong within... errmmmm
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Missed erl by literally 1 min. I saw the erl but cannot run to it coz my luggage is heavy
It is heavy with daughter's milk. Ish ish ish
Mr. Hubby gave empty promises. Want to pick up la, whatever la.
When touch down n called, he was jogging. Frust tau
It's ok la. I can take care of myself. Need no man to take care of me
Ok mr. Hubby, the next time I go on a trip, have to remember not to say he can pick me up
No need to hassle yourself
Btw, I'm not going back to KELANTAN this raya anyway
Got another 17 mins before the train arrived. Sucks
Better just take take taxi when arrive home. Sucks
Manala tau by the time I arrived, he was taking shower? Eating?
Or I caused him to have dinner after his mealtime?
Apa apa jer la...
Another 15 min to go. Sucks big time
It is heavy with daughter's milk. Ish ish ish
Mr. Hubby gave empty promises. Want to pick up la, whatever la.
When touch down n called, he was jogging. Frust tau
It's ok la. I can take care of myself. Need no man to take care of me
Ok mr. Hubby, the next time I go on a trip, have to remember not to say he can pick me up
No need to hassle yourself
Btw, I'm not going back to KELANTAN this raya anyway
Got another 17 mins before the train arrived. Sucks
Better just take take taxi when arrive home. Sucks
Manala tau by the time I arrived, he was taking shower? Eating?
Or I caused him to have dinner after his mealtime?
Apa apa jer la...
Another 15 min to go. Sucks big time
Just landed klia. Waiting for luggage to arrive from international gate.
Ermm... It was very fast from the gates to the baggage carousel.
Boring boring
Lucky got iPhone. Can blog a little
Found out that a lot of women are breadwinner nowadays
I still think this a bit much. Guys should be the breadwinner
Coz woman still expected to take care of children n household.
But not guys. This is unfair. Since when the world is fair right
Tapi kalau laki buat tak paham jer n don't even try to find a better job
Apa Hal lak yer
Guys, stop being an asshole. Man up. Do what u have to do
Stop embarrassing yourself. You are not putting a good example to your sons
Ok. Carousel just open. Till next free nothing to do time
Ermm... It was very fast from the gates to the baggage carousel.
Boring boring
Lucky got iPhone. Can blog a little
Found out that a lot of women are breadwinner nowadays
I still think this a bit much. Guys should be the breadwinner
Coz woman still expected to take care of children n household.
But not guys. This is unfair. Since when the world is fair right
Tapi kalau laki buat tak paham jer n don't even try to find a better job
Apa Hal lak yer
Guys, stop being an asshole. Man up. Do what u have to do
Stop embarrassing yourself. You are not putting a good example to your sons
Ok. Carousel just open. Till next free nothing to do time
Ramadhan is approaching.
This Ramadhan, I have few personal goals
Must pray five times a day
Must perform prayer on time. No delaying
Perform Terawih even only 2 rakaat
Read Quran at least 2 verses
Sedekah atas Nama arwah mak n Abah.
This raya will not be the same without them
Last but not least, tak balik KELANTAN for Raya
This Ramadhan, I have few personal goals
Must pray five times a day
Must perform prayer on time. No delaying
Perform Terawih even only 2 rakaat
Read Quran at least 2 verses
Sedekah atas Nama arwah mak n Abah.
This raya will not be the same without them
Last but not least, tak balik KELANTAN for Raya
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Today started off with Aiman screaming and Pleading me to stay at home and takes care of him
I try my best to explain I must work. If he wants me to stay, we cannot live in our new house
We have to go back kampung and stay at atuk's house
He quieted a bit. But soon afterwards he cried again.
I left him crying and screaming. Makes me feel very bad.
So, today I sacrificed my lunch so I can come home early
Tada
I try my best to explain I must work. If he wants me to stay, we cannot live in our new house
We have to go back kampung and stay at atuk's house
He quieted a bit. But soon afterwards he cried again.
I left him crying and screaming. Makes me feel very bad.
So, today I sacrificed my lunch so I can come home early
Tada
Friday, July 22, 2011
When I was small, living in small village, schooling at KL, I always wonder why my life so difficult
Why some people lives looks like a breeze, very easy, like nothing to worry about
Then when I met my boyfriend (now hubby), I understand why
When I was with the then boyfriend, I wonder why I was suffering so much
Nak tinggal kan tak sampai hati, nak teruskan makan hati
this went on until we got married and he finally got a job
Then when I got sick with Guillairn Barre Syndrome, I understand why
When I was recovering from the syndrome, I don't question anymore
Coz deep in my heart I know I was getting prepared for a bigger challenge.
I just hope it is something that I can handle
Indeed, something happen in the office that shook me to the core
Something that against my believe and principle.
I cannot do anything about it. I just have to learn how to deal with it
And I'm still dealing
I just pray to god that whatever challenge he wants to put my way, it will be something that I can handle
Why some people lives looks like a breeze, very easy, like nothing to worry about
Then when I met my boyfriend (now hubby), I understand why
When I was with the then boyfriend, I wonder why I was suffering so much
Nak tinggal kan tak sampai hati, nak teruskan makan hati
this went on until we got married and he finally got a job
Then when I got sick with Guillairn Barre Syndrome, I understand why
When I was recovering from the syndrome, I don't question anymore
Coz deep in my heart I know I was getting prepared for a bigger challenge.
I just hope it is something that I can handle
Indeed, something happen in the office that shook me to the core
Something that against my believe and principle.
I cannot do anything about it. I just have to learn how to deal with it
And I'm still dealing
I just pray to god that whatever challenge he wants to put my way, it will be something that I can handle
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Still contemplating wether or not to get up and get ready to work
Work really really sucks. And I'm hating it every day
People are saying I should let it go
Things that has happened even how sucky and sickening it is to me, don't care about it
Some of my colleague I see don't even care or not affected at all
Why does it affect me so bad
Im dragging myself to work
I no longer monitor the working hours. Ermmmm
I really need to snap out of this
God, please help me snap out of it
Maybe I should be talking more, distract my mind off it
Work really really sucks. And I'm hating it every day
People are saying I should let it go
Things that has happened even how sucky and sickening it is to me, don't care about it
Some of my colleague I see don't even care or not affected at all
Why does it affect me so bad
Im dragging myself to work
I no longer monitor the working hours. Ermmmm
I really need to snap out of this
God, please help me snap out of it
Maybe I should be talking more, distract my mind off it
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Izzah just fell asleep. Tried putting her to bed without my breast. Still uncessesful
Having an iPhone is really convenient easpecially when I'm baking
Any thing that I don't know I just google and I can know what it means
By the way, I really do like my new blog template. It looks nicer than the old polkadot n neater too
I still couldn't take my mind off work stuff. I find it too frustrating I cannot even enjoy my time with family.
I seriously think this job is really putting a lot of pressure on me. Time to move on I think.
Having an iPhone is really convenient easpecially when I'm baking
Any thing that I don't know I just google and I can know what it means
By the way, I really do like my new blog template. It looks nicer than the old polkadot n neater too
I still couldn't take my mind off work stuff. I find it too frustrating I cannot even enjoy my time with family.
I seriously think this job is really putting a lot of pressure on me. Time to move on I think.
Aku dah duk rumah baru yey!!
Weekend ni plan nak buat housewarming. Hopefully everything went well
MIL tolong banyak as always
A bit stressed out at work. Thinking of getting pregnant again
Hubby's is really against this idea coz he thinks I am not yet fit
I dont think I can get out from the damned department that soon
So, Ill think best for me to distract my attention is by getting knocked up
At least I have something to look after too
Skrg ni masuk Opis buat sakit hatiiiii jer
This auto correct thingy is really really annoying
Weekend ni plan nak buat housewarming. Hopefully everything went well
MIL tolong banyak as always
A bit stressed out at work. Thinking of getting pregnant again
Hubby's is really against this idea coz he thinks I am not yet fit
I dont think I can get out from the damned department that soon
So, Ill think best for me to distract my attention is by getting knocked up
At least I have something to look after too
Skrg ni masuk Opis buat sakit hatiiiii jer
This auto correct thingy is really really annoying