anak aku skrg dah start meragam.
the 1st 2 weeks, dia elok jer... lepas menyusu... terus tido
skrg ni dah start berjaga. kdg2 berjaga mlm, kdg2 siang, kdg2 maghrib.
kalau time malam tu, ada naik mengamuk jugak aku
dahla ngantuk giler.... pastu kena tenangkan dia.
aku dah susukan dia 2 jam. pastu dia mcm tak puas jugak, aku kasi susu formula... still tak tido, aku kasi puting, dia taknak.
patutla kdg2 mak2 ni asyik hangin jer
mana tak nyer, kena layan kerenah anak
skrg ni, aku mmg takkan judge any mother yg agak bengis kat anak dia (i used to judged them)
mmg menjaga baby ni satu pekerjaan yg sgt2 mencabar. silap2 boleh jadi giler... insyallah aku masih waras by the time anak aku 7-8 mths
hopefully by then dia nyer schedule dah ok.
kalau still tak tido malam. aku rasa aku bole pengsan kat office.
not that i have many work to do... still, i have to read a lot. reading makes me very very sleepy.

i dont know that breastfeeding is a very hard work
all the books i read, it seems that it is the most natural and easy thing to do
if i dont breast feed the baby, my breast will engorge, believe me, it can be soooo bigg... i'm wearing bra with cup C at least. and it will hurt like crazy.
but then if u feed the baby too frequently, ur nipple might be sore, craked, and even bleed.
when it is sore, it is also painful when the baby suck. at least until he taste the milk and starts sucking
there are times when i think i just want to give up breast feeding and give formula.
that will make my life much much easier.
but then, i want to loose weight fast. it was claimed for every feed, u'll use up lots (dont know exactly how much) of claories.
and it is claimed that breast milk is the best for baby and i want to give the best all the time.
my husband is bottle fed since he is infant and he catches cold so easily. i dont want that to happen to my child. so, as my colleague said, when breast feeding, we must persevere. now i understand what she means....
she never really tells me that it is difficult. like always, i bet different people experience different things. my mom said my sister's dont experience any sore/cracked nipple when she was breast feeding
i read somewhere that the soreness and engorgement will last for a couple of days coz the nipple is adjusting to the new activity. so... i'm really hoping it will come true. and i hope i dont have to top up my child breast milk with formula. sometimes when he is too hungry, he gets very angry and will not suck my breast anymore. and this is very frustrating.

i'm sleepy but i'm still waiting my son to wake up so that i can feed him.

today is my 8th day as a mom
everyday is a new experience to me
all i do is feed the baby, pump my breast (the one cracked and need healing), change the baby, and try to get some rest before doing it all over again in the next few hours
newborn needs to feed so frequently... it's very tiring

for nine months, aku dah went through lots of changes to my body and mental. for me pregnancy is not as easy as some people. first three months, puking none stop. 2nd three months, getting use to bulging stomach and third three months hot flashes.. believe me... sometimes i think the heat can kill me.. not to mention how mentally demanding i was. i craved attention like crazy. it's a wonder matde didnt go crazy over it. i think one of the reason he likes me is because i am not clingy. anyways, i'm glad both of us finally got through it.

then the delivery. i was admited on 7th pm. induced on 8th am. could sleep the whole night even though matde was there. by 6.30 am i was induced. anxiously waiting for the pain to come. it came very slowly... around 11 am... then it started to get worst by evening... by around 5 pm, dilated only 2cm.. so.. wait some more... by 7 pm i was sent to labor room. 8-9 pm, i was so tired... and in great pain(at that time)... asked for epidural. doctor warned me that when she break the waterbag, it will be painful. i got contraction when doctor tried to put in the needle, after 4 tries, my lower half is numb. doc gave me another 4 hours to get 7 cm dilation. thanks to epidural, got some rest. by 2.30... i'm dilated 5 cm only. have to wait some more. by 3 am... the pain really kicks in. it is as if i wasnt on epidural... luckily matde went in to see me. i asked him to accompany me. the pain was too great for me at that time that i cried. mengucap semua... alhamdullilah by 4 am dilated 9 cm. aku push sekuat hati... all i want is for the baby to come out as fast as possible... 4-5 pushes... baby pun kuar... aku rasa kalau tak dilated jugak, mmg kena ceaserean. nasib baik tak perlu. otherwise, all those contraction pains is all for nothing. different people have different pain threshold. mine is very low. sakit perut biasa2 pun aku bising. ni kan pula sakit bersalin. lagila aku bising.

aku bersyukur aku berjaya melalui semua ni. even though aku dah 27 tahun, i still feel i am not ready to become a mother. but if u really think about it. u will never be ready for something like this. and everyone (at least matde's side) is so excited about the baby. so.. i guess we did the right thing.

have to think positively, always say good things about the child. maklumla, kata2 ibu ni mcm doa. kita takleh nak ckp sembarangan. insyallah anak aku akan jadi anak yg soleh, berjaya idup dunia dan akhirat, doakan ibu bapa dia bila dah takder nanti. aminnnnnnn

another antenatal check-up today
so, spending a couple of hours in starbucks
have been following the crude prices.. even though out of the office
looks like it's going to touch USD100 soon
when that happen, i'm pretty damned sure that gas price will increase by next year.
at least after election. dalam newspaper pun dah start talking how much the government is spending for subsidy alone this year.
that is one indication that it is very very likely gas price will increase
by how much? i have no idea
it's crazy really.... people are speculating crude prices. and because of this, the price increase and everything else increases. rich people get richer and poor people get poorer.
gaji naik byk mana pun takkan cukup.
duit duit di mana ko duit?
i am not a big spender. i rarely buy cloth or anything. but still i just have enough
cannot imagine how those people that need to buy branded, expensive clothes all the time to feel good about themselves survive.
either they stop eating all together or live on credit cards. which is very2 damaging.
aku bersyukur aku dapat settlekan credit card bill on time.
else.... mmg takkan berjaya settlekan sampai bila2
anyways, back to crude price... last few months i attended this technical analysis class. the lecturer commented that price will be around USD65. after that class, i've been waiting patiently for it to happen.
but never happened... it went up and up and up..... so, even though he has been doing it forever and most likely able to predict simply by looking at graph... u never know of what the future will be. so.. i dont think i'll be going to his class again. coz he is just everyone here... speculating.
sometimes he gets it right, and sometimes he gets it wrong
it's a circle of life.
i want to read new book, what do u recommend?

i had some discussion with my hubby last nite
we were talking about if we only have 2 kids, what happen if one of the kids gone bad, or decided to move to another country or whatever la...
he said something that is very practical that the practical me never think of before.
we as parents must always remember that we dont own the kids. like it or not, they will always have their own mind. and most likely will do whatever they like.
we are responsible to guide them, give them security, try our best to give the best in the world. if somehow, they still screw up, then we need to learn to let go and just let life take it course. human are shaped by their surroundings. there are 1001 influence that can get to them. we can only protect them so much.
somehow these thoughts give me a little peace of mind... takla aku cuak sgt. i watched this one movie... one mother said that mother's love is an impossible love. she will do everything in her power to protect her kids even if the kids hate it sooo much. which i think is sooo true. i wish i wont held my children hostage just for carrying them in my womb for 9 months. they wont remember it and they wont know unless they experience it themselve. like i am now. only now i can emphatize with all mothers and appreciate how difficult it is to be pregnant.
i think if i want, i can write down endless list of complaints in these past 9 months. there were also times when i broke down in tears because i thought i cannot go through this anymore... when it becomes too painful and all... but as always, live have to move on. coz i'm sure there are people out there that has it much worst than me.
right now, aku berdoa aku akan melahirkan a healthy, smart child, takder cacat cela.... sihat tubuh badan, sempurna akal fikiran.... amin......

skrg ni aku mcm berminat tgk drama melayu... mcm citer jelatang (tuesday night) and also SpaQ (mon-tue 6.30-7.30). macam makin menarik issue2 dia. or maybe i just lovvveee drama. ikut peredaran umur kot. masa teenagers, suka tgk beverly hills 90120 (drama gak tu), all those funny series, actually still like till now. skrg ni dah masuk fasa drama2 melayu
to tell the truth, i dont think it's too bad. ada storyline, ada conflicts and takla pasal cinta 2 org jer..

today dah masuk 10 hari aku amik MC, menuggu hari nak bersalin. sebelum amik MC lagi aku dah agak, sure akan bosan nak mampos nyer... tapi suma org kat opis dah suruh aku amik cuti. aku jalan pun mcm tak larat. pelik aku, baby tu... makin lama makin berat lak. aku rasa kalau ikutkan, masih ada can nak jadi 4 kg by the time aku deliver. scary nyer... 2 of my sisters pun besar2 gak baby diorg. but i am not as tall as them. hopefully bole la deliver ngan selamatnyer. anyways, my hubby is still a student and tak dpt nak hantar aku gi kerja sbb dia blaja kat bangi and aku kat KL. just imagine kalau aku sakit time tgh kat jln tun razak yg jem nak mampus tu. plus jln dia agak berbukit. dahla keta bukan auto. aku taknak naik keta org lain. always bad luck. so, boring tak boring, terpaksala aku duk diam2 kat rumah and tunggu and tungguu......

dalam masa 2 minggu ni dah 2 buku and one reader's digest from cover to cover. selalunyer only one book per month. itupun kalau aku baca hari2. sepatutnyer aku lebihkan baca quran kan?
ish, apala aku ni... patutnyer banyakkan ibadah... doa... so that anak aku ni akan jadi anak yg soleh dan berjaya dalam hidup. to at least inherit some of the best qualities aku and matde. coz me and matde are truly 2 different people. kalau suma macam matde, susah gak... kalau suma macam aku, pun takleh gak. pening kepala aku nak control dia krg.

oraitla... nak browse2 nama baby lak. havent got a clue what to name my child.