today i tried two new stuff.
1. walking without walking frame. use only tongkat - i fell. i think i am still not strong enough to support myself. even with a walking stick with a four leg base. this is terrible
2. put a leg up on a stair. not trying to walk up stairs. just put a leg on it. manage to put right leg up. struggled to put up the left leg up. almost unable to put it back down.

yesterday went back to klang for a reflexslogy session. advised by an aunt. i have so many aunts that loves to give advises. apparently the aunts from my father's side just found out aabout my condition and i bet will receive some more advises from them too.

feels that both hands are getting weaker and it is increasingly difficult to control my fingers. started to feel back and hand/leg muscle strain. will tell my neurologist about it tomorrow and seek her opinion.

and i am now referred to a rehab doctor. i hope it is nothing serious.

there's a lot of times when i feel like crying.
this happens especially when i feel sooo tired and like couldnt move on
i really hope i will get better
it is extremely difficult to stay positive.
there will be times when i am so down, i dont feel like getting up at all

izzah is crying. i need to attend to her

15 days has passed since i was diagnosed with guillaine barre syndrome. have been doing leg excersizes 2-3 times a day and i think my muscle strenght is improving a bit... just a little bit. i think i can get up a bit easier easpecially when i am well rested. but my balance is still off. i cannot seem to be standing up straight without support.

starting last monday, i have changed my home exersize regime. i will try to do as much as possible as long as i am not tired. i have to balance my time between feeding my newborn, layan my 3 years old that still need my attention and also to rest. i got tired very easily. i try to walk for 15 mins and it is so very tiring. rest is between half and hour to 2 hours depending on the situation.

my fingers are tired from this typing. so, i need to rest my fingers a bit.
please pray that i will recover fully and soon. i'm so tired...

i have been independent most of my life and i'm proud of myself for it
since i cannot walk now, i have to be heavily dependent on people.
and i'm adjusting myself to it
somehow i feel that i'm progressively getting worse. i hope this is just my feeling. will discuss it with my doc tomorrow.

i'm tired.... very tired.
my fingers are still numb. it's hard to type. when will this numbness go away? will it ever go away?

i have this syndrome called Guillaine Barre Syndrome. have it for few months already and only diagnosed last week. to make things worse, matde is in canada for trainig until end of next mth. i have to rely on other people to go to PCMC for theraphy and other treatments. this sucks

i miss matde and i miss my late mother. since aku dalam pantang, aku takleh sedih2. nanti bole gile org kata. occasionally few tears dropped juga. i try to be strong, but i think i am not that strong. it is hard to be strong and it is hard to do exersizes three times a day and breastfeed god knows how many times a day.

ya allah.... kuatkanlah semangat hamba mu ini dan sembuhkanlah aku dari penyakit ini. aminnnn