i like my new layout
it's simple
serve the purpose
i have another 15 min before i need to go to work
i think i want to go to work late today
what the hell..

after thinking a little bit harder last night
i figured out that i should start making myself a little bit happier by start spending
i am not a shopping kinda person. shopping during sales repels me.
queue too long, it's takes forever to try on clothes.
so, what i'm going to do next is shop whenever it's convenient and affordable
no matter whether it's a sale or not
i dont really follow fashion. so i can wear without guilty a blouse that i bought 10 years ago
my sister gave me this long skirt. it looks very old. but i like it so much that i still wear it
i asked my hubby once if he is bothered that i wear horrible outfit to work or shopping
he doesnt. so, that solve my non-shopping for clothes problem
i am more like my dad. we will simply buy whatever that we think can make our live a little easier. when i was single, i even send my clothes for pressing. dont mind paying a buck for each cloth. i'm so glad i figured that out. i'm also happy yesterday i got the chance to cut my hair short.
i've been meaning to cut my hair since last month but i simply dont have the time. one more thing that i should do is to save some money in a bank. i lovveee to save and i will actually smile when i see some of my money saved. if i cannot put aside 200, i should start with 50. as long as i am saving, i should be happy. i really hate to think that at 28, with a good job and a family, i still cannot do the things that i love. i will start with doing these small things.

since i watched Randy Pausch last lecture, i've been thinking hard about what i really want to do with my life. what is it that makes me happy
do i want to work my ass off for the rest of my life?
do i want to stay home and take care of my kids at home?
what is it that will make me truly happy and be satisfied with my life
i dont want to wager my happiness on my children nor my husband
i think it is too risky and what if they did not turn out to be what i wanted them to be?
will i be miserable forever? will i not be happy?
i need to do something for myself.
this cannot be base on someone else.
it has to be about me
when i was a kid, strangely my dream was to be a maid. i enjoy cleaning up my house so much
it's a mindless job and somehow i really liked it
then when i get a little older, i enjoy teaching people. i teach a lot when i was in high school. people basically queue up to ask questions from me. the other smart people has gone to better school. it gave me great satisfaction to see people that i taught do a little bit better in school
and i also enjoy teaching small kids. so, i think i would like to teach in kindergarten.
at least they are not rude. even if they acting up, they still looks very cute
these two dream jobs are easy to get but they pay really really low.
my current job eventhough at times can be extremely stressful, the pay is good and the office hour is somewhat negotiable. i can easily go to work late or take leave whenever i have emergency
and with a baby, this is happening quite regularly
realistically, i shouldnt quite my job as yet
even how stressful it is.. even if the boss hates me(i think).
maybe what is should do now is find a distraction
maybe a hobby will occupy my head from all these thoughts
even though i think i am not truly happy, i am still blessed to have such cute kid and a loving husband.