i am currently at hyatt, jakarta. the room and bathroom is marvelous. hope i can stay here for the next four nights. but i'm heading to sumatra and will only be back on thursday night. arrived yesterday and the road wasnt very busy. last time when i visited vietnam, i arrived during peak hours. motorcycle are4 everywhere. and the honks never stop. i can say jakarta is a very interesting place to be. feels like i'm at klang. jakarta pusat tak macam KL. where the roads are nicely planned out. or maybe i'm not use to it yet?

heard in the news that sumatra di landa banjir. hopefully the place i'm going is not going to be affected. since my boss dont mind his staff travelling to all these places, aku dah planned out dah aku nyer trips. he he... next stop is hong kong, philippines, singapore and japan. hehe... takper kot sbb aku yg jaga budget department aku and i know how much is there to spend.

wish me luck. i like travelling but i just hate flying. planes scares me easpecially the take off and landing.

hopefully next year i can go to europe side. never fancy the states that much since i've been there four 4 years and nothing new to see.

the last three books i read about psycho people. aku ni suka baca slow2.. so that aku bole bayangkan the situation and all.. and so that i wont finish it too fast. or else i have to buy a new book. for the past two years, i just have to have a book that i am still reading. in average i read 1 book per month... anyway, these books are very interesting books. one about this psychiatrist who kills his own patient savagely, the second is about a boy who is crazy from birth and shoots 11 people including his own father and sister and the third one is about a a guy suffering from schizepronia. all these books are interesting. but the problem is sometimes when i am too absorbed, it gets into my head a little. which is scary. i'm afraid, what if one day i loose my mind.

matde told me that it is actually a bless to lose your mind because you wont even care about other things anymore. just imagine... nothing to worry about.. because believe me, when you are sane, even if you dont have anything to worry about... you'll worry about life being not challenging enough. or was it just me? i sometimes feels bored when everything goes my way. since almost 90% of the time whatever i planned or predicted will not go as it should be. i think since before ramadhan, not a single thing that i planned worked. or maybe i was just thinking too much again..

one more crazy story that i hope i can find in MPH is "In cold Blood". Dlm citer capote, dia tulis citer ni. aku pun tak sure capote tu is a real person or not? but one of the author in that movie wrote "To Kill a Mockingbird" so i guess "In cold Blood" must be around somewhere. after that, i should just stop reading this kind of books or you guys have to start visiting me at Tanjung Rambutan.

ohh.. aku tgh gilerkan Korean series right now.. currently watching My Girl and My Lovely Sam Soon. I cried watching both series. Ohh.. i am such a big crier.. ok.. have to blame that on Matde. he made my life soooo miserable (did i spell that right boro, rush?) since the first day we met...

*matde told me he will kill me if i ever say bad things about him in my blog*. let's see if i'm still alive next week when he comes back from kelantan..

i learn a thing or two about friendship today.

today, i truly believe that if someone looks like he likes you, he might actually not because there's always something that tick us off. i sometimes do it too to couple of people in my office which i can say, i truly hate but i tolerated anyway because i have to work with them. btw, you are not one of them, judd. whatever gossip u hear from anyone in the office, you are still my good friend and i like to keep it that way. so, ignore them.... and i have to admit i can be a little bit bitchy sometimes. i can sometimes sense they hate working with me too for my bossiness and bithciness

seriously, i read one very disturbing comment about boro in judd's blog that i am so shocked to hear (comment tu dah tutup sbb dah jadi out of hand). wow... i still cannot believe it till now. does he hates me too and only tolerated me because he is a good friend of my fiancee... i know i can be very defensive sometimes when it comes to my very good girl friends easpecially boro, elly and rush and also a couple girls from high school. it could be my feminism or PMS talking when one of my friends were attacked like that. God, how can you attack your friend when she is only saying how interesting the issue has been? ok.. maybe i am just asking to be attacked too. there was one time i got into an argument with a friend an he told me i was "not toughtfull and he would rather spent time with other people than me" and i cried for like 2 days. i was so sad to hear something as unexpected as that. so, i cannot imagine what boro is feeling right now for being called like that unexpectedly.

Sometimes, we just have to stop and ponder how cruel your friend can be..

Btw, aku dah takleh nak tgk comment side tu... tak tau kenapa kena block. so.. kalau korg tanya2 aku tak jawab tu... mintak maaf la yer.....

just imagine, u have been slaving yourself for 10, maybe 15 years. coming exactly at 8 am and leaving about 8-9 pm. you do this every single weekdays without fail. you finished all the required assignments, projects, paperworks on time. you never mess up your job. in other words, you did your job well. you never complain when one of colleague mess up his job and you have to clean the shit. every year, during assesment you do not merit because your boss said you were just doing your job and thus, will not be granted any thing more than a normal yearly raise. fine... u said... maybe that's true. you see people move around, go from one place to another. you ask your boss that u wanted to move too and he said you should stay to become expert of what you're doing. after much thought and consideration, you decided to stay.... until one day, u just cannot see where you are going anyway, got very frustrated and started acting out. your boss started to think you are useless and all the 10-15 years of hardwork as nothing.

so, why work so hard? why spend so much time in the office working? why trying your ass off to impress your boss?

i can see clearly now that all effort are useless... fruitless and whatever. stop trying too hard and start having fun a little. i started working with the idea "i want to make a difference" but end up with "how much difference can i make?"

hujan sgt lebat kat luar. aku malas lagi nak balik. jap lagi kot. the road must be sooo bad... and i'm not feeling too well.
i really need to get out of this office but why am i still here?

aku ni tergolong dalam category perempuan2 yg sgt suka berfikir. aku sgt suka berfikir benda2 yg bukan2 sampai sakit kepala aku. masa aku kecik, aku kena gi sekolah naik basikal dalam 10-15 minit camtu sbb aku lembab and aku sorg pompuan kat kawasn rumah aku, aku kena naik basikal sorg2. bila dah sorg2 tu, mcm2 la aku fikir. aku rasa dari situla aku mula dpt habit aku nih.

berfikir yang bukan2 ni memenatkan. dan membuatkan kita tak efficient. contohnyer, kalau aku byk fikir di malam hari, aku susah nak tido and akan bangun lambat. pastu bila dah bangun, aku sambung balik benda yg aku fikirkan. bila dah sampai office, kepala aku dah pusing and tak dpt nak selesaikan problem2 kat office. keja aku kat office ni menyelesaikan masalah jer. takpun cuba larikan diri dari masalah... so skrg ni aku kadang kala diserang migrain. so, i have decided not to think anymore... at least not the one worth thinking about or the one that i cannot do anything about. like why matde still dont want to marry me eventhough we are engaged for almost 1 and half yr, why i still cannot bring myself to see my x without remorse...

all i want to do now is learn how to spend my money wisely or not

bulan posa adalah bulan yg paling best kat tmpt kerja aku. bole balik kul 4 and almost every day aku balik pukul 4.

aku nak balik... dah takder benda nak buat and takder mood gak ni. tapi colleague aku suruh tunggu la pulak. siot tul la... malasssss

i'm at Bintulu... hari ni nak balik. wuhhh... it was sooo tiring. all those eating and meeting. and aku terlupa langsung yg org kat sarawak tak dpt 8tv... rasa cam nak nangis jer semalam sbb tak dpt nak tgk DH.. i missed one siri, tidak....

last two nights, aku baru balik dari lepak2 ngan matde around 11 pm... it was a longggg day, a little bit dissapointed with my current financial status and so damn tired... balik2 and masuk bilik air and there it was one huge chunk of hairs and the smell, eiiyuuuu.... and on top of it, ada note."kepada yg berkenaan, tolong buang rambut yg baru dekeluarkan oleh plumber". sapa lagi, aku la tuh... aku kan baru menyewa kat situ, mana bole kumpul rambut banyak tu. kalau kumpul 2 thn rambut aku saja pun belum tentu byk camtu... sial betul tuan rumah ... aku punya la marah. takleh ker buang sendiri? or mintak plumber masukkan dalam plastic.. i cannot just let it go..

so, as a revenge, i decided not to close the toilet door after i used it. that annoys her so much... i don't know why... mmg ada note tertampal kat bilik air "tolong tutup atau rapatkan pintu toilet". and note tu bergerak dari belakang pintu, ke tepi pintu skrg dpn pintu masuk. so, i know it really really irritate her.. and aku akan bukak pintu toilet tu besar2 seblum aku kuar... padan muka.

satu lagi benda yg aku akan buat ialah takkan buang sampah sampai dia berulat2 and berbau giler babi. i know that will drive her crazy...

i used to be a very good tenant. buang sampah everyday, tutup pintu as requested, bayar bill on time. even pay that astronomically high electrical bill. she has an air cond in her room. and now, she mess with me i cannot just sit still.... i might be over-reacting as always, but i simply don't give a damn anymore.

if that small thing can make me retaliate, just imagine if my land is being taken by someone and that someone want to impose his rule on me.

-edited-
aku dah tak marah sgt dah.. so, i think i should just delete this hateful entry...

last weekend i just realized that kisah cinta mawi n ina sgt2 la digembar gemburkan. maklumla, i don't read newspaper... jauh sekali mengikuti melodi.. the only tv show that i follow religiously is desperate housewife.

after reading some of the comments/stories, i just can't seem to put it out of my mind. as usual, i will side after ina. i can understand her woes. she is this simple kampung girl... feels very insecure about her recently very famous tunang. and dia tak dpt contact tunang dia berbulan2. come on la kan... cut her some slack. kalau aku tak dpt contact tunang aku pun, aku naik hangin. aku rasa lagi teruk aku buat dari apa yg ina buat tu. it's only natural yg si ina tu akan mendesak2 mawi.

i think it is very unfair for mawi to just dump her like that. dulu masa susah, bole la pulak nak bertunang ker apa... ni dah senang, senang2 jer tinggalkan minah tu. she is just being a simple minded-jealous girl. aku ni mmg feminist. dulu aku suka gak ngan mawi, lagu dia and all. now i don't have any respect for him for doing it to another woman.

things like this, always makes me wonder. do all guys like that? bila susah dia akan cari org yg sanggup idup susah ngan dia. tapi bila dah senang, dia tinggalkan org yg kurang menarik yg sanggup bersusah payah ngan dia... and go to another more interesting girl yg hanya tau abiskan duit dia. and then the muka sialnyer menyebut "i don't see this coming honey"...

i always believe two people will stay in a relationship if there are like a symbiotic relationship between the two. it won't work if one party needs the other one while the other doesn't. u see, i have my insecurities tooo...

the world is scary....

skrg ni tgh duk menumpang kat bilik adik aku kat ukm. ada course kat permata... ada internet lak tu... best giler.. cam kat US lak. aku mmg jarang rindu kat umich or live at US. it's always better here because of my family are here... 2 benda jer.. okla 3 yg aku kdg2 terrindu2 kat. 1. rollercoaster, 2. good place for blading during spring time, 3. the whitness after one snowing nite. tiga benda ni susah giler nak dt kat malaysia.

tapi lucky i have a fiancee that's so understanding (i really do think my rantings at this blog really works..), he took me to this place in putrajaya and we went roller-blading together... it's not much but that's only because i'm afraid of slopes... so, gi jalan2 skit2 jerla. napa la diorg ni tak buat jalan yg cantik dan ber-tar macam kat fuller park tu. lama tul tak rasa keseronokan ber-blading ni. kalau ada jogging track pun jalan dia tak smooth. sakit kaki ku...

i'm not very good with sports. aku tak reti nak main netball pun. bola sepak jrg harap la... the only sports i enjoy is roller-blading and swimming. that if these can be called sport. at least i can shed some fat when did either one... i'm sooo conscious of my weight right now. i'm freaking 52 kg. that's so damn heavy. i so want to reduce it to at least 48kg, i bought majalah Rapi and started to read diet plans... most people said i don't look 52 but i feel 52. semua fat tgh berkump kat perut comei aku ni.... tension... tension... when i was at umich, thanks to matde, i loss like 20 lb. balik2 kat mesia, slowly2 bdan naik... scary...

i've been thingking lately how difficult it is to be in a relationship and to keep it alive... i know, some people say, if u love someone, it shouldn't be difficult for both of you to stay together. this might be true for the first year. but what happen in the next 2,3,4 years? should we move on and find someone ? start all over again when the relationship gets rocky? i guess most of teenagers do that coz if i can recall correctly, most of my friends dump their boyfriends after 1 year. but it should be ok because they are still young and can meet someone els after they get into college. must be boring to stay in a relationship with a teenage boy for 9 years which we never know if he will grow up by the end of the 9th year. it will be very painful to leave him by then.

ok... that's not the point actually. two people are meant to be different. even if u think that a person ada perangai yg agak2 sama... there must be something about him that's different. so, one thing u have to remember, your partner sometimes cannot be as what u wanted. i have freinds that broke up with their bf/gf after 3-4 years in a relationship and said that she is not what he expected to be. of course she is... so, you left her and the next time u find someone else and u will quickly dump her when u cannot deal with her?

i think a man needs to play a very big part in a relationship. lelaki kan sepatutnyer memimpin/menjaga/menyara perempuan. sepatutnyer la kan.... they are the ones that supposedly emotionally stable. and women known as an emotional being. so, it is natural for women to be angry, demanding and all sorts of emotional stuff. so, it is the man's job to handle a woman. kalau la lelaki ni rajin sikit nak menjalankan tugas2 nyer sebagai lelaki... i'm sure there will be less break-ups. and it is important also for the guy to be supportive. being emotional, sometimes we do stupid things and consequently we will regret the stupid things we did. and pls don't think we don't know that it's stupid because we are not that stupid... so, why can't u just be supportive and assure us that things should be ok? takyahla nak membebel2.... tak gitu sayang ku?

feels good to be able to do this again. dah lama la katakan tak meluahkan perasaan.....

dah lama giler tak buat entry sampai password pun lupa. anyways, things are a little crazy on my part. since aku skrg dah agak2 actively involved with curricular activity in my dept, i'm going to be very busy until July. but let's not talk about work... it's endless

ini iklan skit yer... the next time you guys see me, pls don't ask anything about matde. if you really2 want to know what's going with him, kindly call his mobile and ask.. i'm done with saying things about him. i'm not a broadcaster ok.. so.. pls...do me this one favor... kalau korg duduk2 ngan aku tapi tak tau nak cakap apa2... u guys don't have to say anything. coz peopla who knows matde but don't really know me will ask about him just to make a conversation.. i don't mind at all if u guys don't say anything... don't worry...

anyways, we are still engaged... but have no date for marriage yet.

camner la aku bole terckp pasal ni when actually i wanted to talk about something else... ohh well.. later la kot.

i don't like to live out of my means. meaning, i don't want to buy a new car when i know i cannot afford it. but since to some people, my salary is a lot... i should be able to get a new car. buying a car is a commitment, every month, i have tu put away a qtr of my salary for it. that it not including gas money.

i just couldn't bare to have a debt. so, i would rather clear my credit card even though that means living with only 200 for that month. that happened this month. so, u see... i cannot buy a new car yet.. but how am i suppose to explain to people that? all i do is smile... saying that i haven't find a good car to buy yet. even my relatives kdg2 tego on my kancil. it is just too old and u wou;d never know when she will break down again... sad aaa... people said, money is never enough. but hey, it's my world and i love to live in a debtless one...

sbnrnya duduk kat KL ni terlalu byk guna duit. gaji 2K sebulan pun cuma cukup utk sorg... can u imagine that? sapa2 yg gaji about 1K jer sure sian giler. takleh nak buat apa2. duk rumah makan nasi 1 kali sehari jer kot.

aku dah start jahit manik to my baju. aku rasa aku jahit banyak sgt manik... sampai jadi berat naju kurung aku. since this is the first time, jahitan pun kurang kemas and kdg2 nampak la jugak benangnyer... today dah masuk minggu ke-dua and almost done. by next week aku rasa dah bole siap kot. now i have a hobby... maybe nak berjinak2 di dunia jahitan ni. so, bila dah berenti keja nanti bole menjahit.

i'm going to get a new boss by march. and he will not be pleasent. bila duk kat company besar ni and jumpa mcm2 jenis boss. bole la evaluate skit boss2 ni. i prefer not so bossy boss. normally a fussy boss will make sure that everything run very smoothly and depart tu sure terurus giler. tapi yg tak best nyer dia mesti menyusahkan hidup staff2 dia. semua nak perfect. salah sikit kena. kalau kita tak tau apa2 kena bebel... cakap kita bodoh la.. apa la... aku ni jaga kapal jer. manala aku nak tau production stages. aku bukannyer keja kat plant nu.... and selalunyer boss2 jenis ni x byk kawan and always lonely. on the other hand, the other kind of boss, the more relax type... aku suka sgt boss yg cam ni. trasa bole bernafas skit and normally aku suka nak lepak2 nngan dia gak.

i guess i was very lucky to get a very easy-going bosses semenjak aku bekerja ni. tapi kalau aku jadi boss krg, aku nak jadi yg easy-going and relax type. krg kalau aku mati, takdela diorg ingat aku as bitchy jer... and hopefully diorg bole la doa2kan aku skit... :) kenala berfikiran jauh skit kan... banyak dosa aku ni...