the trouble with love is...

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It’s stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it’s true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world’s a deeper blue
I’m sadder but I’m wiser too
I swore I’d never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn’t worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

It feels so good when u r falling in love... again... cannot stop smiling... i love receiving letters... real letters... now i'm telling the world... please... stop me from falling again... jiwang tak?

anyway, does women truly seeking freedom? some women are just fine living her whole life under his father/husband. camni... for example, dari lahir sampai kawin, she is under her father's care. always obedient. father say don't go to cinema etc.. she did not go... then got married, the same thing happen, and she does not bother at all... the question was doesn't she feels that she's missing a lot? she surely has no freedom to do whatever she likes. the only explanation that i can come out with is that, that is the only life she knows... so... she's not missing anything that she doesn't know right? sometimes problem gak bila you give the girl too much freedom. like me. i'm sure i cannot listen to my dad nor my future husband. i really value my freedom and cannot even begin to imagine a life under a man's control. of course, the husband will try to control you in one way or the other... they will start say do not do this... do not do that, which i cannot understand why... it is perfectly ok for a guy to leave his wife and children at home to see his friends and hang out but it is definitely not ok for a girl to do that... she can only do it if she's working or studying... maybe what i should do is to let my future husband know that i'm not as easy to handle...

in two months time i will be 25 years old... aiya.. so old already aaa? ermmm... what is it that i have accomplished aa throught these 24 years?

spent the first 7 years just growing up at home got bullied by my sis and ignored by my parents

then the next 6 years in primary school getting good grades and positions in school.. almost popular,

the next 5 years was a misery...stuck in all girls dorm and school.. got bad grades and always at the bottom of the class.. a nobody... until after SPM when i was a best student in my asrama... all the smart ones left already... what do u expect?.. ohh... got my first bf and all the experience that comes with it.

the next 1/2 year became a minah kilang.. befriended with budak2 kg yg almost for sure gonna get married in the next two years after school

the next 1 year in PPP... start mixing around with guys again... ermm.. awkward at first... got to know bopi and rush that later on become very important people in my life...

the next 4 year in the States.... lots and lots of things happened... met matde, my sec boyfriend... also a very important person in my life... graduated with cukup2 makan to get into petronas. did 3 different part-times.. travelled around the states...

the next 1 year... worked at shah alam as sales engineer... see i have deviated from my study field from the start

currently... working my ass off for petronas.... they really should pay my salary twice as i'm doing 2 people's job now.

looking at it, mcm tak byk jer yg aku dah accomplished... but as a person aku dah develope into a woman... albeit a small one.... i hope i can make a better decisions... i give a lot of thoughts when it comes to money but not to relationship.. so.. need to do something about it... what the hell.. if i like someone... just gonna go ahead and have fun with him... and think about the consequence later... easp when that someone had hurt me in the past.... which guy haven't by the way... maybe i'm too sensitive kot... apa aku mengarut ni?

good morning... such a beautiful morning today. aku tension tul kalau time sahur kat umah sewa coz tau nak sahur apa. this morning, aku bangun... ingat nak goreng telur and masak nasi.. kuali tak basuh.. so, cancel. i thought we have roti, tp couldn't find it. semalam dah makan maggie. takkan nak makan maggie lagi? cukup2 la rambut aku ni thinning coz of clhorine (aku swim without cap).. taknakla coz maggie gak.. so, last resort, gi beli food kat kedai mamak. makanla nasi and ayam goreng. maybe tomorrow will be like this also. so, weekend mesti balik... at least mak aku bole masakkan.

and since bekerja ngan big company like petronas ni, almost everyday buka puasa kat hotel. don't get me wrong. i do not really like it either... coz buffet. aku makan sikit jer waktu buka. i'm sure each time makan kat hotel, it will cost me at least $70. so.. kalau aku makan ciput jer... takkan merugikan? membazir... betul tak?

aku skrg agak confuse with guys yg taknak reveal gaji diorg? napa? kalau the guy tu aku tak kenal sgt, i don't mind.. ni i've known him for more than 10 yrs... tp taknak bgtau? why man? why? eheheh... tp kalau aku tau, maybe aku mintak anting2 ker....gelang ker... maybe that's why kot... tringin la nak pakai earings... i want to ask somebody to buy one for me la... la la la..

selamat berpuasa semua..... harap2 nyer di bulan puasa ni, aku tak mensia2 kan idup aku. aku rasa skrg ni aku paling takut kalau hidup aku ni hanyala sia2 belaka. kalau satu hari yg aku lalu tak memberi makna. allah tak redha and in another words, melalui satu hari yg sia2.....

sbb one day i'm going to die. that is inevitable. the good news is i don't know when it is... or is it a bad one coz aku sentiasa melakukan dosa. besa or kecik... still dosa kan?

yesterday watched my fav series... Sex n the city. 5 series in a row. celebrating my last day not fasting in the fasting month. i hope it was a last day. tak sanggup dah aku nak ganti lama2... Adan (Carrie's x) is sooo hot. droolllll jap. aku suka lelaki yg potong rambut ala2 askar... not more than 1 inch length... nampak mcm macho jer.

it's thursday, tomorrow friday... pastu cutiii... besssttttt....

hari ni aku nak rehat sat. aku rasa every entry aku tulis camni. everyday utk in the fasting month ni aku masuk kul 8 and kuar kul 4. tak larat nak duk lama2. cukup2la utk satu hari 8 jam jer. dah la gaji ciput. buat per nak duk lama2 yer tak?

crude oil dah naik cam giler skrg. and i cannot stop but to evaluate a little on the situation. aku rasa it is a good idea not to let gas price influenced by market price because oil plays a major role in our economy. minyak naik jer, semua benda naik harga. maklumla, semua benda needs to be transported etc etc... and krg inflation la kan... sapa yg susah, kita jugak. so... to control the economy, it is essential for government to subsidized the oil. But i do belief they should put a ceiling price on the subsidy do that they can do something else with the money.

adala pulak TNB and Indah Water nak naikkan tariff.. aku rasa diorg ni buat keja tak efficient la. org2 yg kerja kat TNB selalu ckp camtu, byk sgt power loss. and why us, the user being penalized by it? if u r losing money, is the answer is just to increase tariff so that you won't loose? giler per. why don't they look into their own organization... look kat mana losing power and all... most of the power/water (i guess) surely went for industrial use. Kalau nak naikkan tariff... naikkanla industrial use jer... takyahla naikkan the common people... betul tak?

too many killings dlm and luar negeri. kdg2 nak baca paper pun trasa mcm naik sakit jantung. tak baca krg, jadi bimbo la pulak takleh nak bagi input in a conversation... and i still cannot give input coz semua org have more knowledge. aku ni baru setahun jagung. setahun jagung that will reach quater century in about 2 months and 10 days and takder boyfriend pun. scary? very....

arrrggggggghhhhh.... tensen nyer... banyak dah aku tulis tadi... tapi hilang la.. dammit tul. puasa2 ni buat aku marah lak.. i was writing about love just now. malas la nak tulis balik. so, just gonna keep it short and simple. okla... malas la nak tulis. ermmm... krg matde tau... banyak lak soalan dia. napa aku masih include matde dlm idup aku aaa? aku rasa aku sepatutnyer move on la... obviously he has done it the very month we broken up. ohh welll.... mengeluh tu tak baik. rush sent me one email titled "ego aside... will u marry u?" if someone ask me this, i would say yes. ehehehe... aku baik apa? malas nak masak... well.. kedai kan ada. never cook since got back from the states... it's a very long article. the point is, why do you make such a long list for an ideal husband/partner but never look at yourself if u really do worth it. FYI, i don't have such list. i can fall in love almost with everyone... maybe that's why my last relationship failed.

uiyoo... sudah seminggu la aku tak der masa langsung nak tulis apa2. monday and tuesday went to Kerteh for meetings. on monday tu sampai nak termuntah2 aku negotiate ngan terminal people to get some money from them. tuesday lak... ada satu customer bangang tu, mintak extra cargo, aku dah ter-commit nak kasi.. rupa2nyer terminal tak cukup.. arrgggghhh.... bole tak bagitau awal2? terpaksala negotiate lak ngan customer.... penat tau. penat.

anyway, minyak dah naik 5 sen per liter. aku personally langsung tak kisah coz 1 full tank cuma 14 litre and bole tahan a week. so, dlm sebulan aku cuma kena byr extra $3 jer dari dulu... tula, pakaila keter kancil 660cc. ehehehe... still tak beli lagi keter. tgh try mintak as much discount as i can. ni kena guna negotiation skill aku nih.

just FYI, harga minyak pasaran skrg ni dah jadi RM2.30/litre and kerajaan dah subsidi for 90 sen per litre. i think that is generous enough. and government cannot subsidize petronas only because nanti other companies like shell and all pull out their business.. and cripple la kita nyer economy kang. so... korg isila minyak at petronas. so, kita bagi petronas kaya and duit tak kuar ke other people that do not even care about our country. but off course, government tekan duit kita gak... easp at cars... it is just too expensive. tak bole ker ease a little on the taxes. oh well...

okla.. aku malas nak keja ari nih. aku nak postpone everything yg bole di tangguh. tada...