i've been reading a book of a Geisha these last few days, it was very fascinating. very cultural and of course takla mcm citer org putih yg aku selalu baca. after this aku nak carik buku pasal other cultures lak, like pakistan, india, chinese others.... a geshia is like a prostitute but a very high class one.. more like a mistress really. at a very young age, she learns arts, dances and al the japanese traditions. they even have a certain way of pouring a tea or sake. at some point, they need to get themselves some kind of a protector that will protect them financially and phisycally. and of course, she needs to entertain and sleep with the guy. that's why a geisha is like a prostitute..... i am always fascinated with these kind of things. how a life of a girl turns out so badly that she needs to turn to a job so low as selling one self. but who i am to judge. eveyone has a turning point in their lives. be it bad or good. it makes u change so much sometimes that u wonder, what if these things never happen. what if i never did this and that never happenend? what if i'm born rich and have never a care about money? will i marry someone poor? i myself wouldn't know.

i am seriesly wante to puke now. giler penat. everyday i went to the office, i feel like "o.k, it seems that i won't have too much to do today coz i've cleared everything yesterday". but, in the end it is always ends up like this "gosh, it's 5 o'clock already... camner keje tak siap lagi? customer A nak tukar laycan, customer B nyer kapal sampai lambat, terminal nak tutup tiba2, cargo takder... aarrrrggggg". kalau balik ngan rush, need to go home by 6. kalau balik naik keter sendiri by 7.15 nak kena gerak coz i have to walk 10 mins from KLCC suria to my car. itu tak kira lagi if i have to travel to Kerteh which i will do more often since byk nak hal la pulak skrg. kalau meeting berjela2 la panjang nyer. aiyoo... kdg2 rasa nak pitam jer. can i pitam now? ni kena balik kg pulak. if my mom suruh balik, mesti kena balik... otherwise rasa bersalah giler... ish2.. banyak nyer aku complaint. ehehehe.. betul la the traders pun dah ckp. aku ni byk mengeluh sbnrya... camner aku tak mengeluh. byk giler benda aku kena buat. kena buat decision with minimal info.

yes matde, u can say now "tula, sapa suruh tinggalkan keje yg senang giler tp gaji byk tu". tapi kalau nak diikutkan, satisfaction mmg lbh la buat benda2 ni coz keja lama tuh mmg tak challenging langsung. tak membina minda langsung. right now, at least i know the movement of petroleum products. how the market is doing and all.

actually, aku nak sgt tulis pasal arrange marriage. but lain pulak yg kuar.

it's monday again. don't feel like working at all. trasa mcm nak tido jer. bole ka?

went out with apu, matde and elly last nite. for the first time i ate at Dome. not too bad the place. a little pricey but not too bad. not as expensive as Planet Hollywood. Apu yg suggest la tuh. kalau matde yg suggest mmg aku luku jer...

Bukit Bintang at nite mmg happening ghell. masa aku blaja kat Bukit Bintang Girls School (just opposite Star Hill) aku tak pernah lak try jln2 waktu malam. scary also coz my fren judd pernah citer dia nampak someone was stabbed kat depan BB Plaza or dekat2 situ. luckily takder benda2 gitu jadi kat kitorg last nite. otherwise, takkan dah aku jejak kaki kat situ.

ok, aku dah letak tag board... so, have fun guys

watched finale of Gilmore Girls last tuesday. it was AWESOME... luke dah ngan lorelai. and sadly, rory slept with dean. camnerla minah tu... isk2... aku ngan rush siap discuss pasal diorg like they are real people. ermm.. giler la..

anyways, lots of things happened lately. and i cannot believe that i was emotionally disturbed by it. one friend was dumped by her bf without any warning. that guy definitely a bastard. sure ada pompuan lain tuh. and another one friend's bf willing to leave his current gf for her. ermm.. in this situation. what should i feel? i think i was so confused with my own feelings that i let myself sleep the whole night yesterday w/o any dinner. life is too unpredectible. i felt so sorry for her(the one being dumped) because they already made plans to get marry. oh well... it happened to another fren too... what's wrong with these guys... napa sanggup buat camtuh? don't they even have feelings, at least a little compassion to the girls?

when i hear about all these things, it really made me think how we cannot really really really love a guy coz they sucks. so.. i'm gonna flirt jer.. and bila dia kuar ngan pompuan lain, aku jeles...iyerla tuh. anyways, kalau berckp psl hati & prasaan sampai 10 tahun lagi pun takkan selesai. so.. gonna call a day la. laters

testing....

fasting again today. kalau aku berjaya puasa till the end of today, aku ada 3 more days to go. so, 3 more weeks la ...

i don't know what happen to me la lately, i think i have become a very terrible person. hari ni i've hurt a friend coz i forgot to include her in a list. yesterday, out of annoyance of a certain colleague. i gave a very unnecessary comment. he just left with a very sour face and never made eye contact with me again. and of course, last month hurt a friend because i did not asked him to join me dinner. that is horrible. have i become that insensitive? and thought less about other people. i cannot justify this. of course i can always blame matde. ehehe... yeah, why i don't blame matde. since he is so insensitive about me and my feelings. i just don't care about other things also. In philosophy-logic class, the conclusion should be as follows:

premis 1:Matde hurt jirah
premis 2:jirah hurt friends
conclusion: matde hurt jirah's friend

see... i feel better already.. anyways, on a lighter note.. since Mega-sale would be until this month and out of no where i got extra $$$$$, i would like to buy:
1-sandals: dah rosak masa "rewang" kat kenduri kawin
2-handbag: simply too small
3-document beg: i'm using my dad's travelling beg
4-purse: too small... more cards now
5-shirts: been wearing my sis's old shirts. kalau nak diikutkan, aku cuma ada 3 shirts jer.

kay... wish me luck peeps

i have solved my eating problem by ot eating during mealtime. so, by meal time i will get very2 hungry and have no choice but to eat. otherwise, i won't eat. ok, one problem solved. now, i got a new problem. i cannot shop. it's ridiculous. i'm sooo used to buy things only when necessary. i spent 3 months looking for a sandal. and god knows how much i spent at malls trying to figure out what is it that i want. now, i really need a new handbag and a document beg. my handbag is too small.. and my doc beg is too old and looks yerrkkk... yesterday and the day before, i've looked around at Isetan. For those who doesn't know it's Mega Sale again and i cannot figure out what to buy. dammmmmmm laaaaa..... krg bila dah tak sale, barula terhegeh2 nak carik.

esok nak gi hasdi nyer wedding. ermmm... mesti interesting giler...

today is claim day. more like aku ada extra masa to do claims. so, dptla balik my phone bills claim. ada ka patut, petronas amik all the discounts yg aku dpt for my celcom. jahat tul. so, right now, i re-do my phone claims. so that i can use all the discounts for my personal calls. patut ka?

skrg ni aku ada prob. susah sikit nak makan coz takder slera. don't know why. i look at food, takder nafsu langsung. makan bila dah trasa lapa giler jer. this is not good.

and trasa mcm PMS jer. why aaa? masa aku sepatutnyer pms, aku suppressed my feelings so that i don't fell depressed or effected by it. tiba2 bila everything was over and supposedly i feel terribly fine right now, aku trasa mcm tgh PMS lak. pelik tul la. maybe i shouldn't do it.

i shouldn't suppress any of my feelings coz it is only delaying the eventual pain or whatever feelings it should be. obviously, it goes the same with my PMS. ermm... one lesson learnt.

feels much better today. arrived as usual at the office. nothing much to do. ehehehe.. ok, i lied. tonnes of work to finish off by today. but hey, if i don't let go a little bit, i'll go crazy, right?

nothing really interesting happening... it's just that aku puasa ari ni and keep forgetting that i am. i realized how forgetful i am lately. sometimes aku bole tak ingat langsung apa yg aku buat the last few days. easp. the last few weeks. maybe because things have gone really fast.

see.. when i finally do have time to write something, takder idea lak. okla. what to do.

ciao..

uiiii... lama tul dah aku tak tulis apa2. well... too bz lately.. like my colleagues love to say... bz sampai tak cukup tanah. not sure what that mean though. a lot has happened too...

ok... let's recap....

July 26-29: Course kat permata bangi, stayed at Elly's place from sunday nite till wed night. hopefully la mak dia tak kisah. maklumla, every fri night aku gi balik umah elly malam2 buat. sure bengkak jer dia.... the course wasn't really beneficial coz people kept calling. tension den...

July 31 & Aug 1: Makcik aku kawin. sakit kaki aku nyambut tetamu+angkat2 pinggan2 kotor. dahla kwasn rumah dia berbatu2 and tak rata. until wednesday kaki aku masih sakit lagi. tula, tak biasa buat keje kawin la

Aug 3: I had to attend Hadhari seminar. okla jugak. i think the whole idea was to instill ideas in our head so that we won't be a terrorist. just look around and u'll see how muslims kena tindas. of course, somehow we wanted to react to it. ada bau2 politik gak coz they couldn't stop comparing the government and kelantan. what the hell la... when i got home i found out that i have hurt a friend.

Aug 4 & 5: went to kerteh to attend meetings. the meeting was ok. on the 4th, the friend that i accidently hurt, hurt me in return and from there i found out that actually, i am not a thoughful and inconsiderate friend that in the end aku buat palat kat dia. i was terribly sorry coz sometimes i don't know what i did. i know i will eventually forgets about it.. but in the mean time... don't know what to do....

so, to all my friends out there, please accept my apology for not contacting any of you guys if i did wrong. If any of you guys think that i am horrible, maybe i am. i just need to learn to accept criticism better. this time, i took it very hard. maybe the next time... will be better.