i have been always fascinated by economics even when i dont knonw what it means and still kinda confuse what an economist do.
and i dont know how to be an economist. i always have this craving of wanting to be an economist. so, last night, i looked it up in the net. i found that to be an economist, mostly i will have to have some master degrees at least.
it has a lot of maths. so, good in math is a bonus. i think i am good in math.
i have also read some economics book. i've read two Friedman's books. both are too boring but i endured it. and some other econ books.another thing is that i have to improve my writing skill. actually i have to be good at it.
i have always wanted to improve my writing skills. maybe i need to find a class and pay for myself. the objective is for me to select a topic.. whatever it will be and write coherently about it. nothing like writing in a blog

so, for the next two months, i will assign myself to read the economist on a weekly basis. choose a topic of a day and try to write coherently in this blog. i still want to try to become an economist. maybe when i already finished paying of my student loan and mr. hubby managed to get a much higher pay job. in the meantime, will just figure out how to be an economist on part time basis.

sometimes i wish mr. hubby will stop his obsession with internet games. but it will be not called an obsession if he can stop it that easily.

last night was the third night aiman blaja Iqra' and i'm so proud of him because he can remembers most of it.
have not taught him ABC yet but i will next year
looking back, i kinda remember that my dad taught me ABC and jawi very early on too. by 7 years old i already know how to read and recite the quran
so, i think early education kinda help in your advancement in life
i never consider myself as genius. i am more hard working than most
whatever i do, be it studying or working, my motto is always "usaha tangga kejayaan"
so.. i will try to instill this in my kids as well
as long as we are resilient, insyallah we can face almost anything
the best thing that my father taught me was being independant and i think the best thing that i can impart my kids would be how to think...

i feel so tired
when im at home, i am tired handling the kids and the house chore
when im in the office, i am mentally tired.
i really need to take a break
but when i think of taking a leave, there are a million things that i need to settle. have to change addresses in all the banks
open bank account for the kids and write a will
i have too many things under my name. i need to write a will ASAP.
ermm... really wish can just spend a day pampering myself.
maybe i need to take a day off, maybe this saturday send the kids to in laws and spend the day by myself. maybe, maybe.... have to see how on friday

selamat hari raya... maaf zahir batin
setahun sudah berlalu
this time last year, i am still cannot walk properly
sometimes when i look back, i can hardly imagine that i cannot walk at all
sometimes feels like it was just a nightmare

times flies...
my kids are growing up fast
myself getting older and hopefully wiser
alhamdullilah, after all the hardship i had to go through the past years
i finally able to figure out what i want out of my life
this is really really important. otherwise, we will not know what is important and what is not.

hope allah will grant me strength for me to pursue my life goal. it is not going to be easy and it can be monotanous. but i know my duties and like it or not, i have to do it. i have make a resolution that i will do it no matter what. no matter how boring it will be. i cannot be a career woman and at the same time be a mother.

i dont know why i am always angry. sometimes when i look at my child and see how easily they get angry, it really amazes me... maybe that is how we were born. but if we keep at it, we will surely hurt our loved ones. and i must be nicer to my husband
he is actually a very nice person. but he irritates me so much... even when i tell him he is being irritating.. ermm... something wrong with me perhaps?

like my boss used to say, admitting that we have a problem is the first step to improve ourselve. we cannot improve ourselves if we think there is nothing wrong within... errmmmm

The day is really beautiful. Hope nothing to ruin my day
Daughter is behaving very well
Son at in laws. Mr. Hubby try his best not to annoy me
A start to a perfect day
Hope it will remain so

Missed erl by literally 1 min. I saw the erl but cannot run to it coz my luggage is heavy
It is heavy with daughter's milk. Ish ish ish
Mr. Hubby gave empty promises. Want to pick up la, whatever la.
When touch down n called, he was jogging. Frust tau
It's ok la. I can take care of myself. Need no man to take care of me
Ok mr. Hubby, the next time I go on a trip, have to remember not to say he can pick me up
No need to hassle yourself
Btw, I'm not going back to KELANTAN this raya anyway

Got another 17 mins before the train arrived. Sucks
Better just take take taxi when arrive home. Sucks
Manala tau by the time I arrived, he was taking shower? Eating?
Or I caused him to have dinner after his mealtime?
Apa apa jer la...

Another 15 min to go. Sucks big time

Just landed klia. Waiting for luggage to arrive from international gate.
Ermm... It was very fast from the gates to the baggage carousel.
Boring boring
Lucky got iPhone. Can blog a little
Found out that a lot of women are breadwinner nowadays
I still think this a bit much. Guys should be the breadwinner
Coz woman still expected to take care of children n household.
But not guys. This is unfair. Since when the world is fair right
Tapi kalau laki buat tak paham jer n don't even try to find a better job
Apa Hal lak yer
Guys, stop being an asshole. Man up. Do what u have to do
Stop embarrassing yourself. You are not putting a good example to your sons
Ok. Carousel just open. Till next free nothing to do time

Ramadhan is approaching.
This Ramadhan, I have few personal goals
Must pray five times a day
Must perform prayer on time. No delaying
Perform Terawih even only 2 rakaat
Read Quran at least 2 verses
Sedekah atas Nama arwah mak n Abah.
This raya will not be the same without them

Last but not least, tak balik KELANTAN for Raya

Today started off with Aiman screaming and Pleading me to stay at home and takes care of him
I try my best to explain I must work. If he wants me to stay, we cannot live in our new house
We have to go back kampung and stay at atuk's house
He quieted a bit. But soon afterwards he cried again.
I left him crying and screaming. Makes me feel very bad.
So, today I sacrificed my lunch so I can come home early
Tada

When I was small, living in small village, schooling at KL, I always wonder why my life so difficult
Why some people lives looks like a breeze, very easy, like nothing to worry about
Then when I met my boyfriend (now hubby), I understand why


When I was with the then boyfriend, I wonder why I was suffering so much
Nak tinggal kan tak sampai hati, nak teruskan makan hati
this went on until we got married and he finally got a job
Then when I got sick with Guillairn Barre Syndrome, I understand why

When I was recovering from the syndrome, I don't question anymore
Coz deep in my heart I know I was getting prepared for a bigger challenge.
I just hope it is something that I can handle

Indeed, something happen in the office that shook me to the core
Something that against my believe and principle.
I cannot do anything about it. I just have to learn how to deal with it
And I'm still dealing

I just pray to god that whatever challenge he wants to put my way, it will be something that I can handle

I honestly have to move out from my current department. Things are getting funny and funnier
The environment is getting more and more toxic.
Goddddd..,... Sabar, sabar, sikit jer lagi boss aku balik. Ada seminggu jer lagi
Kalau balik bole la aku nak carik tempat baru

Still contemplating wether or not to get up and get ready to work
Work really really sucks. And I'm hating it every day
People are saying I should let it go
Things that has happened even how sucky and sickening it is to me, don't care about it
Some of my colleague I see don't even care or not affected at all
Why does it affect me so bad
Im dragging myself to work
I no longer monitor the working hours. Ermmmm
I really need to snap out of this
God, please help me snap out of it
Maybe I should be talking more, distract my mind off it

Izzah just fell asleep. Tried putting her to bed without my breast. Still uncessesful
Having an iPhone is really convenient easpecially when I'm baking
Any thing that I don't know I just google and I can know what it means

By the way, I really do like my new blog template. It looks nicer than the old polkadot n neater too

I still couldn't take my mind off work stuff. I find it too frustrating I cannot even enjoy my time with family.
I seriously think this job is really putting a lot of pressure on me. Time to move on I think.

Aku dah duk rumah baru yey!!
Weekend ni plan nak buat housewarming. Hopefully everything went well
MIL tolong banyak as always

A bit stressed out at work. Thinking of getting pregnant again
Hubby's is really against this idea coz he thinks I am not yet fit
I dont think I can get out from the damned department that soon
So, Ill think best for me to distract my attention is by getting knocked up
At least I have something to look after too
Skrg ni masuk Opis buat sakit hatiiiii jer

This auto correct thingy is really really annoying

Lamanyer tak update blog.
Much has happen. Tried sending aiman to CIC but i think the teachers are not serious in teaching in english. Baik aku hantar ke tadika biasa jer. Murah sikit. Tapi taska pun takla murah sgt.

never have i imagine that i will be living in a family that only communicate through the maid. that sounds so dysfunctional.
i myself tried to call them directly but my phone calls was not picked up or sms replied.
so, what can i do? if u cannot beat it, just join it
i think i just going to give up trying to have a right communication channel
maybe i need to pass masseges through my maid also
and how annoying it is when my in laws keeps calling the maid for whatever reason.
sometimes i need her to help out and she is not around. this is soooo annoying
could it be i'm at home for too long? almost 4 months now and it's getting a bit boring

apparently my dad is ready to marry again
and we are still mourning the death of our beloved mother
he did not include his children on his decision.
shouldnt what we say matters?

for the past few weeks i have hired taxi to go to hospital for my therapies.
yesterday had conversations with a cab driver about doctors.
there's a huge difference in terms of salary between government and private hospitals. some of the doctors in gov hospitals decided to stay albeit this difference. it got me thinking... indeed, money is not everything. he can accomplish much more and contribute more untuk bangsa and agama in gov. he will teach and train new doctors... MasyaAllah. betapa mulia nyer hati. the diff is more than 50-60k.

i dont know if i can do it if i have this option. or if my husband has it. i might pester him endlessly. i love money and i love this world. i hope i will not love it too much that i dont ever want to let it go. seperti kata uztaz kazim, "jgnla menyimpan dunia di dalam hati sehingga tak mahu melepaskannyer" kerana satu hari aku akan meninggalkan dunia ini. yg pasti aku akan mati satu hari nanti. tiada yg lagi pasti dari mati.

got a book "eat pray love" from my sis yesterday
it is quite good
and quite different than other books that i read.
she had family problem but she did not discussed it there
it is more about faith.. she is so unhappy that she turns to god
i only read few pages so far.
normally if the intro is good, the rest of the book will be interesting too

yesterday was the first time i went back to my father's house post GBS. it feels so good. raya i will be able to come home again. yeay.
it's weird that i will feel so very tired after an outing. i can say all outing is like that. very very tiring. maybe it will be very tiring to be on high concentration (this sounds wierd)

cannot imagine driving. bila sampai office penat giler? ermmm....
pastu kena tido 2 jam and then ok balik ker?
kalau takleh drive, i cannot go back to work.
should i come back by next year jer? amik unpaid leave?
if i really cannot cope when i came back later... will consider this.

3 minggu sudah berlalu
matde dah balik rumah from canada. i'm extremely happy
life definitely not the same without him
missing him like crazy when he was away

another milestone. i can walk without aid on a flat surface. still need tongkat on uneven surface. according to the therapist i need to work on my knees pulak. skrg ni susah nak amik wuduk sbb knee weak and takleh nak bongkok. rukuk pun problem

dah ada exersice regime baru at home guna band. priority will be given to knee and then hips. she also advised me to slowly prepare myself to go back to work. try to be active like getting ready to work until perhaps lunch time and see how long i can sustain. currently i mostly sit down on the floor. sbnrnya duduk kat kerusi pun very tiring for me. camner la nak bawa keta ni. ishh

plan to start sunday. esok nak try the new exersice. excited sbb baru hari ni beli band tuh. maybe next week i will be discharged from occupational theraphy. yey....