after beraya kat us for 4 years, beraya kat rumah mmg trasa sgt best.. even though takder org sgt. makcik2 and pakcik2 yg duduk sebelah rumah semua balik kampung. maklumla, diorg masih ada mak/bapak mentua lagi. then kakak2 aku yg ada anak2 semua balik kampung gak... sunyi giler rasanyer... tinggalla aku dan adik2 dan mak + abah jer.

kitorg tak beraya ngan abah+mak sbb abah aku anak yg paling tua and nenek+atuk aku dah takder. so, adik2 abah aku yg dtg ke rumah. kalau ikut abah beraya mmg tak beraya la gamaknyer.. mak pun anak ke-4, jadi dia pun tak beraya sgt. diorg bila raya pertama sampai ketiga mmg tak gi mana2. skrg baru start... pegila ke rumah wak2 and bibik2 diorg yg masih ada.

aku lak, dah start keje dah skrg ni. demam lak tuh... skrg musim buah. rambutan mmg tak terkata la byk nyer.. and aku pun sedap jer makan sampai sakit tekak..

maybe by next week bila matde dah balik ke putrajaya, aku start gi rumah budak2 us yg lain...

since esok aku dah start cuti, aku nak mengucapkan....

SELAMAT HARI.... MAAF ZAHIR BATIN....semua...

bagi elly, hafiz, apu and hakam... since aku spend most of my times with you guys before aku balik... aku nak mintak ampun byk2 kalau aku ada buat silap esp. waktu2 aku PMS, sorryla.. time tu emo sikit... halalkan makan minum... kalau nak halalkan hutang2 aku (if any) pun ok gak... thanks for the good times...

to the rest all my friends yg baca blog ni.. aku mintak maaf kalau ada apa siliap... manala tau apa yg aku tulis kdg2 tu menyinggung hati sapa2 ker...

already... take care u all... tata...

is it ok if....
can i....
what if....

there's a lot that i want to write. but my mind is so numb and i'm not good with words either.. normally, when facing a situation that i don't know how to handle, i just stop thinking about it and let it be... but will i be able to do it?

to all malaysian students in umich especially elly, i hope u guys will stay strong... take care... hope to see you guys in malaysia.

hari raya... masa b4 masuk u, hari raya means i'll get at least one new baju raya & some duit raya; masa kat u, it means a lot of open houses to attend + don't have to cook for at least a few days; now, hari raya means endless shopping for family's brg2 raya+ mencuci rumah... yeah.. i have to basuh my house sbb dah byk sgt habuk accumulated.... and we do it only before raya. masa ni la nak bersihkan segala2nyer... my only adik perempuan pulak tgh amik spm, and my mom takyah tolong coz she's the only one who cooks. abah aku la kesian.... asyik kena bersihkan lumpur jer... kat rumah aku dah banjir 2 kali dah since puasa ni... kalau banjir lagi masa raya kang.. i don't know leee

tukar topic sat... hitz fm nyer issue this morning... heart or money.. kinda interesting issue... i think i have to go for the money... eheheh... mcm2 aku boleh beli kalau aku ada duit. keter pun takla takat kelisa jer.. i can go for peugeot 206 terus... then i can buy lots and lots of diamonds... buy a resort style condominium at hartamas... built my own swimming pool.... get a personal trainer... shops for furniture at IKEA...since i know wishing doesn't make it so, i just better stop now.

la la la....

skrg ni tgh rehat. today tak perlu beli apa2.. so, takyah keluar. bestnyer kalau ada keter baru.. sure engin pun senyap jer.. takderla mcm kereta aku yg setiap kali tekan minyak sure bunyik... pastu absorber pun bunyik gak...terciut ciut... ish... tak bersyukur betul aku ni... bukannyer kena bayar apa2 pun utk keter tu... bayar duit minyak jer...
tapi yg bestnyer... keter kancil ni.. 20 ringgit dah penuh dah tangki... pastu ulang alik gi keje... adala 5 ringgit. so.. kalau utk gi kerja jer tanpa singgah mana2... duit minyak cuma dlm 50 la seminggu..

bob... di mana anda? saja jer.. nak tau... sbb dah lama tak dgr brita... matde pun dah terindu2 ni...ehehehe

The Difference between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says aloud, "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

There is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: So that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600! And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems truly to care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking:Warranty? They want a warranty? I can't believe it! "Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled. "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh, God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse." "There's no horse?" says Roger. "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger, glad finally to know the correct answer. "It's just that... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?" says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home. She lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i've read it somewhere... tapi maybe masa tu aku budak2 lagi and i did not realize that it is actually true. sometimes girls tends to think more about relationship (psl2 yg tak perlu la).... sbb dulu masa ramai kawan perempuan.. selalu gak borak2 pasal boyfriend masing2 esp in high school, i know it is stupid... mcmla yg lelaki tu pk pasal kita pun.... so, girls out there... stop thinking too much about your relationship or boyfriend... and just do whatever you want with your life... if the guy truly loves you... he'll accept you no matter what... but if he doesn't... i'm sorry... live goes on i suppose.

it's thursday, and as usual... malam tadi, aku tido awal...that means, miss 3 episodes of CSI Miami three weeks in a row... see.. how malaysia has changed my life, kalau kat us, mimpi la aku nak tgk citer2 camtu... sure aku tgk comedies jer.. i really miss that 70's show and friends... isk.. isk...

since aku tido awal... aku pun bangun awal... 3.38 pagi... then mengelamun... pastu ntah camner, aku terpk pasal anak2 yg kena halau dari rumah... aku rasa mak bapak tak patut halau anak diorg walau sebesar manala diorg nyer salah. kalau budak tu yg tak pandai... kalau yg pompuan... bsr kemungkinan jadi bohsia... kalau yg laki...mungkin jadi pencuri... apasal la nak musnahkan idup anak yg dah musnah... sedangkan nabi ampunkan umat.

ada gak kes, budak tu pandai, tak pernah mintak duit kat mak bapak, tiba2 termengandung... dah.. kena buang keluarga, sian budak tu. kenapala kdg2 parents ni penting kan diri sendiri.. pkla sikit... mcmla diorg ni tak pernah muda.. paham2la kan.. maafkanla dia... suruhla dia balik.

bila dah penat pk, aku call matde and tido balik.....

as of today, i really believe that being a guy has more advantages than being a girl. if i am a guy, i would have the chance to go to sites (boss aku tak caya aku boleh pegi coz i'm a small girl)... tak larat angkat pipe nanti... well.. whatever, a guy don't need permission to go anywhere... boleh tido at friends house without questions.... boleh balik malam, travel jauh... boleh buat apa2 pun... ni aku nak gi swimming pun semua org byk soal.. tension tau tak. aku mmg trasa sungguh tak puas hati with this dammed double standards. i use to remind myself that double standards kat malaysia still very strong, tapi bila sendiri yg terkena... mmg pedas giler.. to hell with them..

ok, tukar citer sikit....
lately byk giler citer2 pasal ibu2 yg ditinggalkan oleh anak. ibu2 jer yg dpt masuk tv sbb selalunyer pompuan yg nampak lagi frail (double standard) and live longer than men. member aku berpendapat, mesti ibu2 ni ibu2 yg jahat kat anak2. well, i never see it that way. i use to believe that it must be the child's fault when they abadon their mothers. if you really thinks about it, sometimes that's true. maybe mak dia mistreated the child.. that the child later on heated the mother so much that they leave her. i just hope when the times come i won't leave my mother...

semalam tgk citer down with love... cool giler citer tu... suka tgk renee tu berjalan.. lenggang tak ingat nyer... ehehe.. matde yg recommend. nasib baik best. sbb selalunyer citer yg dia betul2 nak tgk mmg sucks... ada ker patut ajak aku tgk citer mami jarum junior... langsung tak lawak. dahla guna bahasa yg aku tak familiar.

anyways... i just love that movie... terpaksa tabik renee... dia punya expression mmg tak sapa boleh lawan.. and also... yesterday my first time travel dari putrajaya ke rumah. jauh sungguh. nasib baik tak sesat. terpaksa hantar matde balik ke rumah sbb dia tumpang org ke-pyramid...

tadi mcm ada benda nak tulis... tapi dah lupa... makin lama makin pelupa la aku agaknyer. well, nothings new... as usual, byk giler yg aku nak buat.. tapi semua takleh nak jalan sbb byk sgt halangan (ie. mak tak kasi, bapa tak kasi, keter adik aku pakai, duit tak cukup... bla bla bla). i just hate it bila jadi camtu. not that i always get what i want. normally the other way round.

but sometimes, i don't know what i want. do i want to change my job? i think in this case it is 50-50. i am a little bit lucky actually to straight away dpt keje after duit aku dah hampir abis kat bank. tmpt keje pun dekat ngan rumah... even though it takes me 40 minutes to get to work. aku bawak keter slow sikit. maklumla... tak biasa... at least aku dah boleh bawak. compared to few months ago. nak kuarkan keter dari parking spot pun tak berani.

sbnrnya, aku pun tak tau apa point aku... nak abiskan masa jer sbnrnya... have to wait for my dad. bila la agaknyer "probation" period aku ni nak abis. asyik kene tunggu org jer.

and skrg aku dah start tgk2 keter apa yg aku nak beli... keter tu mesti tak lebih dari 1.3cc, compact, 4 doors. kereta2 yg aku berkenan... kelisa, peugeot 206 and citreon C3.... tgk gaya, kelisa jer yg aku mampu beli...but i think citreon tu 1.6cc la... have to check again.

as usual... got this from a friend... utk org2 yg sedang bercinta...

MENYINTAI TIDAK BERMAKNA MEMILIKI

Janganlah kau angkuh melaungkan...
Si dia kepunyaanmu...
Atau kau kepunyaan si dia ...
Kerana hakikatnya...
Kita tidak pernah memiliki sesiapa...
Walau sekeping hati seorang insan...
Tidakkah kau sedar...
Hukum alam menyatakan...
Menyintai tidak semestinya memiliki?...

Manusia pandai berpura...
Berlakon di pentas dunia...
Dan bertopeng menutup rahsia..
Tetapi hati...
Tidak pernah berdusta pada empunya...
Tentang perasaan yang bergolak di dalamnya...

Tidakkah kau sedar...
Mungkin si dia melafazkan...
Ungkapan cinta padamu...
Tetapi hati dan perasaannya...
Tidak pernah berniat begitu...
Dia hanya berselindung...
Di sebalik sejuta alasan...

Dan kau...
Begitu jujur dan setia menyintainya..
Sehingga terlupa..
Hukum alam menyatakan..
Menyintai tidak bermakna memiliki..

Sesungguhnya...
"Aku tidak pernah memiliki dirimu..."
"Dan kau jua tidak memiliki diriku."

Mengertilah...
Kita sebenarnya kepunyaan..
Yang Maha Esa...
Tiada sesiapa berhak memiliki diri kita...
Kecuali Dia...
Dia mengasihi hambaNya...
Dia memiliki hambaNya...
Dan ke pangkuan Dia kita akan dikembali......

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

kesimpulannyer... kalau bercouple, jgnla obsess sgt. kita gak yg sakit nanti. kalau buat tak kisah pun susah jugak... so, pandai2 jerla jaga diri.

take care....

tension tul la aku... dah tulis panjang2...tiba2 ilang la pulak.... anyways... my entry for today sbnrnya nak ckp aku nyer new findings...

1) ada 2 jenis air bandung. air bandung letak soda(bandung moden) and air bandung susu.

2) dalam washing machine ada fuzzy logic. takkan berenti basuh sampaila baju bersih. ni dpt dari colleague.. so, tak tau betul ke idak....

3) aku nyer pengetahuan am sgt cetek sampaikan mcm baru semalam jer aku hidup... so, the moral of the story... rajin2la amik tau pasal keter, politik and all....

got this from my colleague

A wonderful Message by George Carlin:


The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings
but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower
viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more
conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more
knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet
more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.


We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too
little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too
late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray
too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but
reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too
often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years
to life not life to years. We've been all the way
to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a
new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner
space. We've done larger things, but not better things.


We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the
atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but
learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush,
but not to wait. We build more computers to hold
more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate
less and less.


These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and
small character, steep profits and shallow
relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce,
fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of
quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands,
overweight bodies, and pills that do everything
from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the
showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A
time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you
can choose either to share this insight, or to
just hit delete.


Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not
going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind
word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person
soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember,
to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only
treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't
cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones,
but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will
mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold
hands and cherish the moment for someday that person
will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and
give time to share the precious thoughts in your
mind.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.

finally, skrg aku dah rollerblading blaik... eventhough takla jauh mana... setakat kat laman rumah aku jer.... nasib baik laman rumah bsr, mmg muat letak 3 kereta.... kalau nak cantum tmpt letak kereta belakang ngan depan, bolehla letak max 8 kereta... lagi best kalau rumah rumah aku tinggi sikit... since bapa aku dah cement bawah rumah.... nampak smooth pulak tu... sure best...

anyways, pakcik aku kata ada satu stadium kat klang tmpt budak2 main rollerblading and yg seangkatan dengannyer..... best2... skrg, lesen dah ada, dah tau tmpt main rollerblade and swimming pool.... nampaknyer... hari2 minggu ku takkan sebosan yg dulu.... gym and spa pun satu block ngan my workplace.

ni dah masuk the second week after pet ckp nak call aku utk set masa interview... aku dah agak dah... takkan nyer diorg call. susah tul la camni... takper, aku call lagi bulan depan.

susah gak nak bawak keter ni... byk sgt benda nak ingat. lagi2 bagi aku yg baru sebulan lebih memegang stering kereta... uish... ngeri gak memikirkannyer... anyways, all in a good time.

baru abis baca buku Sword of the truth yg ke-9(naked truth). tak best sgt... sbb tak byk scene perang. aku suka baca bila wizards and witches fight. dah tgk Pirates of The Caribbean. kelakar giler tgk johnny depp camtu... and perempuan tu patutla mcm familiar muka, rupa2nyer berlakun dlm bend it like beckham.

My life has become quite monotonus lately… tak tau dah nak buat apa or gi mana… balik2 gi pyramid. takder ker tmpt nak g blading ker... apa ker... ish2.... nak tulis daily journal ni pun dah takder idea...

the only highlight yg aku kinda looking forward to is interview with petronas yg supposedly in 2 weeks. but, paham2 jerla... for petronas, that kind of reply is standard. telefonla 100 kali pun... itu jugakla jawapan yg diorg kasi. nasib baik aku dah keje... maunyer takder duit by now kalau tidak.

tiba2 skrg ni aku trasa nak beli brg2 buatan malaysia jer skrg ni... trasa patriotik sikit kot after merdeka. lagipun tersgt2 mahal la benda2 oversea ni... clinique nyer moisturiser yg 10 bucks jadi RM78. walaupun aku sure 3 or 4 bulan baru abis aku guna... tapi aku rasa still melampau mahalnyer.

another thing... skrg ni byk company kat malaysia yg kena virus. aku dgr satu telekom nyer comp kene.. sampai takleh nak on comp... cian diorg... kitorg pun kene tempias2 jerla... takla sampai camtu...

tak best nyer hari khamis... trasa penat ghell. waa.... nak balik. tak larat.... kalau boleh ponteng kan best. lepas ni menengok jam jerla aku....menunggu 5.30 tiba

ermm... jom kita ckp pasal duit. aku rasa duit tu sgt2 penting dalam idup. selalunyer boleh membawa bahagia kpd hidup dan boleh jugak bwk rasa tak best. best sbb boleh buat, beli or pegi mana2 jer yg kita nak without mintak duit dari parents or the significant other. jadi tak best bila dah taksub ngan duit. kedekut... taknak kongsi ngan keluarga... and sbb nak sgt carik duit, tak spend masa sgt with the important people.

sbnrnya try to write something meaningful... since aku dah ngantuk sgt ni... and rasa tak best... i'm just going to stop here.

today start balik baca my favorite book of all time "My daddy long legs". masa freshman, after baca buku tu, i was inspired to write my mom long emails at least once a week. and yes, i did it until sophomore... and then after that, work piled up like crazy... tak larat dah... so, call jerla once a week... what the hell la i'm reminiscing ni...

ok... back to the real current state of me... a career woman... as usual, my colleagues will end up talking about women and pregnancies... sbb ada sorg engineer kat sini tgh pregnant. so, dia selalu sakit and all.. sian dia.. if i stay here as long as her... i'm sure i'll be equally busy... not like now, sempat lagi tulis blog.

anyhow, masa borak2, aku bagila comment. some pompuan mmg tak rasa sakit masa mengandung kot sbb my mom ok jer... since she is my mom, there is a chance that i will be fine too.. so, my bos commented, he thinks org dulu ngan skrg lain. org dulu dia nyer endurance of pain is higher compared to org skrg sbb takder pain relief and all... kalau sakit... tahan jer.. tak mcm skrg.. sakit sikit... ubat. kira badan pun naik manja la.... maybe betul jugak tu... kiranyer kalau mcm aku yg dah 3 kali kena food poisoning, lagi susah nak kena bila makan food tak brapa elok compared to people yg tak pernah kena...

last weekend blaja driving for 8 hrs. 4 hrs perday... the result... kaki lenguh2 sbb asyik nak kena pijak clutch... mana taknyer, kereta yg blaja parking punyala byk... nak kena tunggu turn pastu kena berenti... lepas berenti... nak kena masuk gear 1. asyik2 berenti, masuk gear 1, freekan gear... no wonder kaki aku sungguh lenguh...

dah confirm... and lulus ujian sebelum hantar gi driving test... doakanla aku berjaya yer... monday (25 ogos 2003) aku nyer test day.. cuak ni... takut gagal berenti kat garisan kuning masa naik bukit ngan berenti sblm garisan putih kat simpang... yg lain2 insyallah aku boleh ingat.

kalau pass test ni... insyallah boleh naik keter g keje by next month. takyah lagila aku nak menumpang org gi keje. best2...