getting sick when u are pregnant is very very tough.
in normal circumstances, i will get well in 3 days, 2 days with medicine.. today is the fourth day i am taking my med and it is almost finished but i am still not feeling well.
so, next time when u are pregnant, make sure u dont fall sick. everything aches.
luckily i went for a massage on saturday. the "tukang urut" betulkan my baby position and it does not feel so heavy now. i can walk without feeling the need to support my stomach anymore.

if u somehow think u need your hubby's attention... tell him so. dont ever think they can read between the lines. men are not designed to understand subtlety... unless he is super sensitive. and when can u meet this kind of men right? maybe never. even if i found one. i wont want to marry him. i should be the one who needs the attention 24-7 and not him. hehe..

haha... second entry in a day
promised my husband to call him about an hour ago. but my roomie is still on the phone and i dont feel like calling him while she's on the phone.
have u guys read the last Harry Potter book?
i found it soooo very interesting
not wasting time on silly2 things. JK Rowling is truly a genius. any person that has that high imagination is truly genius.
this year two book series that i have been reading will end. one is harry potter and another one is Sword of the truth... that one will come out in November.
after that... what to read aaa?
tak best la ini macam
had french food just now. 8 courses... 3 hours to finish all the courses.. the portion is very small but since it is over 3 hours, the brains gave signal that the stomach is already full
so, the theory that u should eat very little and wait for awhile is true. u shouldnt eat too much at one time. luckily this particular customer is very friendly and not at all boring, 3 hours is not as tiring... tomorrow i will have a lonnnngggg dayyy.... will be on duty from 7-11pm. need to fully utilize my social intelligence skill.
social intelligence skill class is soooo boring... i really hope i dont have to attend anymore.
everything is sooo civilized and what considered civilized normally based on english culture....
i have nothing against english culture... really... but i still prefer to talk to asian than mat saleh... dont know why... maybe because i am also an asian? hehe
okla.. time to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i'm in singapore again........
for the last time before giving birth
since i'm quite heavy, i take it very slowly.....few meetings a day. takyah sesak2 nafas.
actually baru ada sdua meeting since i arrived yesterday.
and dua2 breezy jer
ohhh... forgot nak close one deal. need to make the call soon.
sometimes i just want to lie down... okla.. i lied.. i want to lie everyday
heard that one of my business associate passed away yesterday after playing badminton
it is such a shock i couldnt sleep
i started to hear people drop dead for no reason lately
this is sooo scary. looking at my own ibadah. not doing it enough. i'm still struggling to pray 5 times a day
dont know what happen to me. why is it so easy for someone but so damn hard for me.
even if i dont have anything to do... i was just soooo lazy. lazy to do anything.
lately i have successfully psycho myself to go to work. u see, i got their scholarship, so this is just like paying a debt. so... it boosted my morale a little bit. enough for now. got one more meeting. have to put my smiling face and be very very friendly for about 2-3 hours.

Honeymoon turned out great.
i was initially skeptical on the trip. for the obvious reason... i will be going to a much lesser luxury hotels.. you see.. i am sooo use to 5 star hotels. and i thought i wont enjoy the beach. but i did... it was soo much fun. i am not fit.. so, we only walked for about 4-5 hours before i beg matde to bring me home. but in overall i hadd FUN. looking forward for my next trip.

i am finally going to my honeymoon...
this would be the first time i go anyway with hubby and could be the last one for a very long time
maybe the next one after my baby at least 1 years old
malas la nak jalan2 ngan baby ni. leceh

i could not imagine anyone going through pregnancy without the support of her hubby. expecting mothers gone through extreme changes mentally and physically
they become cranky... tired, body ache all the times... it's such a new experience.
i have about 4 months to go and have started counting the days
cannot have bad thoughts, bad mouths or bad anything.

ermm.. so tired right now
but really wanted to share something..

i'm blogging on a daily basis now.. hehe
this is mainly because i recently (last thursday) got a laptop and a constant internet connection.
cannot blogging in the office even though i have tremendous of free time (bossless since 1st June) coz my place is right in front of the office entrance and everyone can see me.
i think for now, i want to start blogging again to improve my writing.
well.. there's nothing really good about my writing but at least i can try to get my ideas out.
and the speaking part, it has become so manglish that it makes it sooo difficult to get words out
godd... i really need to be surrounded by english speaking people again (i.e US)
and i do need to start to find other things to talk about except matde.
he is my husband now and a very good one.
nothing much to blame on him.
i really hope my child will be like him, easy to handle
but on managing finance will follow my lead..
well.. maybe on certain things.. coz when i really want something, i dont care how much i spent as long as i get it but only if i can afford it
i really need to start excersizing... i am currently 57kg.. that is so damn heavy.
i'm afraid i can shed it off later
maybe later i'll do some shopping around orchard road. it hurts to walk or sit down more than 1 hour now
i must start swimming again. swimmm... swimmm away. tapi goggle lak tak bawak. see, there is always reasons for me for not swimming. the truth is, i am damn lazy.
maybe next time i will start writing something more useful.
something philosophical... people said it's good for the baby's development if i think a lot and try to be as cheerful as possible.
cheerful is good.

hari ni aku kat singapore.
still rasa tak best cam biasa
aku pun pelik kenapa
lately... actually for the past couple of months aku cam rasa tak best jer
not sure why
last time because i thought i need a change in my career
i did change it
then, i thought because my life too mundane
but i'm expecting... so, what could cause the feeling of unworthiness?
maybe because aku tak jaga sgt solat
rasa hati kurang tenang
mungkin... should try to pray 5x a day... but i dont know why it is soooo difficult
ada jer yg tertinggal.
this is seriously not good
maybe i also should do like masa aku kat high school.
hati sgt tenang even though aku selalunyer x excel in school
since high school i have this notion that u dont have to be the best at what u do
just make sure u finish it...see it through the end
give ur best effort and in the end bertawakal..
and everthing else insyallah will be fine... betul tak HUBBY? hehehe...
AKU KELAPARAN......

skrg ni aku dah 4 bulan pregnant and my stomach is getting bigger by the day. mmg suma org dah notice. tak kirala berapa besar baju aku pakai.
alhamdullilah, i am feeling better now... more accepting of this motherhood thingy. maybe sbb dapt positive respond dari kawan2 and colleague. apparently, there are quite a number of people in my office yg having difficult time conceiving. so, i guess, it's ok to get pregnant now then having problems later. i guess different people got diff problem.
like me, no problem conceiving but financially not too strong. mcm org lain, duit ada tapi susah lak nak dpt baby...so, i shouldnt really complaining
awal2 dulu mmg byk giler complaint coz my body is adjusting. but now i'm feeling much better. even aku nyer appetite pun dah cam normal balik. takderla kena ada food every 2 hours and dont puke that much too.
trasa mcm best pulak tgk baju2 pregnant. maybe sbb dah lama tak beli baju. aku jenis takkan shop without reason and dah lama aku rasa cam takder sbb utk shopping
since skrg ni mmg perlu.... mcm2 aku beli. bila membeli tu, bukannyer kisah sgt how much i spend. it feels like masa aku mula2 turun berat bdn ngan drasticnyer kat US. in one day i spent USD300 and it feels so good to spend money for myself.
alamak, laki aku dah bising. kitorg tgh plan pasal honeymoon ni. kalau tak gi skrg, mmg takkan gi... so, calos...
some of the clothes, i still wear till now.
bila baby dah kuar nanti, sure lagi byk aku shop.. excited nyer... hehe..

sudah 3 bulan jugak aku tak update blog. since 8th march, aku dah nikah, mengandung and also bersanding cuma majlis bertandang ke rumah mentua jer belum lagi.

mula2 mmg agak sukar nak trima hakikat yg aku akan jadi mak. tapi sikit2 dah bole trima. lagipun umur dah 27. if not now, when right? so, i guess i just make the best of it. getting pregnant is not an easy thing. aku rasa org yg mengandung jer paham camner perasaan mengandung. karang panjang pulak complaint aku kat sini :) i hope my pregnancy and delivery will be ok. insyallah lepas raya nanti bersalin.

majlis sanding pun dah selesai. alhamdullilah... baju yg aku buat fitting 2 minggu sudah masih muat. dalam 1 bulan jer aku nyer berat naik 3 kg. badan time tu macam di pam2. semua benda nak makan and i eat every 2-3 hours. kalau tak, sure muntah... ok, i better stop there... and nasib baik mak aku stuju ngan color yg aku pilih. dia nak tema gold sbnrnya. tapi in the end jadi tema colorfull like always....

kehidupan selepas berkahwin...
so far so good

every couple akan bergaduh sooner or later
i notice that cara bergaduh and cara nak baik balik berubah over time after dah together for this long
dulu masa sblm kahwin/tunang, we fought about the smallest things
then masa tunang, we fought about a little bigger things
and now bila dah kawin, we fought for much bigger things and for a shorter period of time
maklumla, dah berkongsi hidup..
one way or the other you definitely will get annoyed

the most important thing is for the husband to try and understand the wife and vice versa
but i would prefer if the husband the one doing all the understanding
i read one article yesterday.. dia cakap, most of the time, it is much much easier to be mean and evil but it takes so much effort to be a nice person.

i just hope i can be a better person for my family and husband
sometimes i am so emotional that i cannot think straight
or get so upset about something and cannot really explain why
that really driving me crazy

hehe....
aku nak kawin dah weekend ni..
kali ni mcm improve skit la..
preparation in 3 weeks. tunang dulu 1 minggu jer
ada la jugak rasa cam nak demam masa kemas rumah tu
dahla kakak aku baru bersalin. nama anak dia Nurkhairunnisa Mardiah
mak aku pun cam dah naik demam. siannn dia terpaksa melayan karenah anak dia yg sorg ni. dah la tak reti2 nak plan awal2.

1 week matde settle kan dia nyer application
1 day aku settlekan aku nyer application
1.5 weeks kemas rumah+beli hantaran+gubah hantaran
hantaran aku tu mmg kelakar skit la sbb aku fail bab2 color coordination ni
so, mcm2 color ada. gold, merah, kuning, ijau, biru... so, tema dia, colorful.
yg matde nyer aku ada ternampak ari tu... ungu suma..baju kitorg warna ungu.

benda2 yg aku kena buat lepas ni:
1. xleh kutuk matde kat sini-kena beli diary
2. kena balik kelantan time raya-sucks
3. kena tinggal ngan famili dia-still trying to get use to the idea

wish me luckkkk

hehe....
aku nak kawin dah weekend ni..
kali ni mcm improve skit la..
preparation in 3 weeks. tunang dulu 1 minggu jer
ada la jugak rasa cam nak demam masa kemas rumah tu
dahla kakak aku baru bersalin. nama anak dia Nurkhairunnisa Mardiah
mak aku pun cam dah naik demam. siannn dia terpaksa melayan karenah anak dia yg sorg ni. dah la tak reti2 nak plan awal2.

1 week matde settle kan dia nyer application
1 day aku settlekan aku nyer application
1.5 weeks kemas rumah+beli hantaran+gubah hantaran
hantaran aku tu mmg kelakar skit la sbb aku fail bab2 color coordination ni
so, mcm2 color ada. gold, merah, kuning, ijau, biru... so, tema dia, colorful.
yg matde nyer aku ada ternampak ari tu... ungu suma..baju kitorg warna ungu.

benda2 yg aku kena buat lepas ni:
1. xleh kutuk matde kat sini-kena beli diary
2. kena balik kelantan time raya-sucks
3. kena tinggal ngan famili dia-still trying to get use to the idea

wish me luckkkk

this blog mainly serve sebagai tmpt utk aku melepaskan kemarahan
i have so much anger in me that i need a place to lash out.
unfortunately, almost all the time i was angry at my fiance
whenever he seems not to get it that i am super mad even after screaming + kicking, i have no choice but to lash it out here.
so, that was what happen with the last entry

my fiance is not a bad person and i'm sure all my friends and his finds him gentle and always try to accomodate people even when he dont have the resources to do so. which sometimes irritates me. if you cannot do it, just say so.... but maybe it is not in his nature
i have to say that the both of us is sooo very different. macam langit and bumi la org kata.

ok... gtg

this blog mainly serve sebagai tmpt utk aku melepaskan kemarahan
i have so much anger in me that i need a place to lash out.
unfortunately, almost all the time i was angry at my fiance
whenever he seems not to get it that i am super mad even after screaming + kicking, i have no choice but to lash it out here.
so, that was what happen with the last entry

my fiance is not a bad person and i'm sure all my friends and his finds him gentle and always try to accomodate people even when he dont have the resources to do so. which sometimes irritates me. if you cannot do it, just say so.... but maybe it is not in his nature
i have to say that the both of us is sooo very different. macam langit and bumi la org kata.

ok... gtg

this entry is seriously long overdue...

today i am 27 years old and 18 days.... wow... how can i be this old. in a couple of years i will be 30 years. damn... not that i mind being older. i think i even embrace it. at least now i have my own car. that is a real achievement. other than that everything is status quo. matde still cant marry me... or wont.. god knows when i will get married. so in the mean time i'll just scout around just in case. we never know right? hehe..

career wise, i think i'll just go with the flow. there's no point fighting it. daripada takder kerja. i might as well try to learn as much as possible. maybe kalau dah bosan, bole kerja and jaga anak. ok... i seriously have to stop thinking about marriage coz it is not going to happen at least in the next three years.

tahun ni aku nak jadi health conscious. so, i start eating breakfast. makan sikit jer kalau takder customer belanja. mestila makan byk kalau org belanja kan? travel as much is i can. my plan to go to hong kong need to be deferred. fuck. ingatkan bole gi next week but i might need to move into another department. i want to travel more. go to beaches and become a bitch there.. spend more money. no point saving it anymore. it's not like i'm going to get marry anyway.. ok.. stop.

i'm looking forward to NEW challenges this year. aku rasa aku bole start beli rumah by next year.. i think i can afford it by then.
yeay.. new house, new car

i am currently at hyatt, jakarta. the room and bathroom is marvelous. hope i can stay here for the next four nights. but i'm heading to sumatra and will only be back on thursday night. arrived yesterday and the road wasnt very busy. last time when i visited vietnam, i arrived during peak hours. motorcycle are4 everywhere. and the honks never stop. i can say jakarta is a very interesting place to be. feels like i'm at klang. jakarta pusat tak macam KL. where the roads are nicely planned out. or maybe i'm not use to it yet?

heard in the news that sumatra di landa banjir. hopefully the place i'm going is not going to be affected. since my boss dont mind his staff travelling to all these places, aku dah planned out dah aku nyer trips. he he... next stop is hong kong, philippines, singapore and japan. hehe... takper kot sbb aku yg jaga budget department aku and i know how much is there to spend.

wish me luck. i like travelling but i just hate flying. planes scares me easpecially the take off and landing.

hopefully next year i can go to europe side. never fancy the states that much since i've been there four 4 years and nothing new to see.

the last three books i read about psycho people. aku ni suka baca slow2.. so that aku bole bayangkan the situation and all.. and so that i wont finish it too fast. or else i have to buy a new book. for the past two years, i just have to have a book that i am still reading. in average i read 1 book per month... anyway, these books are very interesting books. one about this psychiatrist who kills his own patient savagely, the second is about a boy who is crazy from birth and shoots 11 people including his own father and sister and the third one is about a a guy suffering from schizepronia. all these books are interesting. but the problem is sometimes when i am too absorbed, it gets into my head a little. which is scary. i'm afraid, what if one day i loose my mind.

matde told me that it is actually a bless to lose your mind because you wont even care about other things anymore. just imagine... nothing to worry about.. because believe me, when you are sane, even if you dont have anything to worry about... you'll worry about life being not challenging enough. or was it just me? i sometimes feels bored when everything goes my way. since almost 90% of the time whatever i planned or predicted will not go as it should be. i think since before ramadhan, not a single thing that i planned worked. or maybe i was just thinking too much again..

one more crazy story that i hope i can find in MPH is "In cold Blood". Dlm citer capote, dia tulis citer ni. aku pun tak sure capote tu is a real person or not? but one of the author in that movie wrote "To Kill a Mockingbird" so i guess "In cold Blood" must be around somewhere. after that, i should just stop reading this kind of books or you guys have to start visiting me at Tanjung Rambutan.

ohh.. aku tgh gilerkan Korean series right now.. currently watching My Girl and My Lovely Sam Soon. I cried watching both series. Ohh.. i am such a big crier.. ok.. have to blame that on Matde. he made my life soooo miserable (did i spell that right boro, rush?) since the first day we met...

*matde told me he will kill me if i ever say bad things about him in my blog*. let's see if i'm still alive next week when he comes back from kelantan..

i learn a thing or two about friendship today.

today, i truly believe that if someone looks like he likes you, he might actually not because there's always something that tick us off. i sometimes do it too to couple of people in my office which i can say, i truly hate but i tolerated anyway because i have to work with them. btw, you are not one of them, judd. whatever gossip u hear from anyone in the office, you are still my good friend and i like to keep it that way. so, ignore them.... and i have to admit i can be a little bit bitchy sometimes. i can sometimes sense they hate working with me too for my bossiness and bithciness

seriously, i read one very disturbing comment about boro in judd's blog that i am so shocked to hear (comment tu dah tutup sbb dah jadi out of hand). wow... i still cannot believe it till now. does he hates me too and only tolerated me because he is a good friend of my fiancee... i know i can be very defensive sometimes when it comes to my very good girl friends easpecially boro, elly and rush and also a couple girls from high school. it could be my feminism or PMS talking when one of my friends were attacked like that. God, how can you attack your friend when she is only saying how interesting the issue has been? ok.. maybe i am just asking to be attacked too. there was one time i got into an argument with a friend an he told me i was "not toughtfull and he would rather spent time with other people than me" and i cried for like 2 days. i was so sad to hear something as unexpected as that. so, i cannot imagine what boro is feeling right now for being called like that unexpectedly.

Sometimes, we just have to stop and ponder how cruel your friend can be..

Btw, aku dah takleh nak tgk comment side tu... tak tau kenapa kena block. so.. kalau korg tanya2 aku tak jawab tu... mintak maaf la yer.....

just imagine, u have been slaving yourself for 10, maybe 15 years. coming exactly at 8 am and leaving about 8-9 pm. you do this every single weekdays without fail. you finished all the required assignments, projects, paperworks on time. you never mess up your job. in other words, you did your job well. you never complain when one of colleague mess up his job and you have to clean the shit. every year, during assesment you do not merit because your boss said you were just doing your job and thus, will not be granted any thing more than a normal yearly raise. fine... u said... maybe that's true. you see people move around, go from one place to another. you ask your boss that u wanted to move too and he said you should stay to become expert of what you're doing. after much thought and consideration, you decided to stay.... until one day, u just cannot see where you are going anyway, got very frustrated and started acting out. your boss started to think you are useless and all the 10-15 years of hardwork as nothing.

so, why work so hard? why spend so much time in the office working? why trying your ass off to impress your boss?

i can see clearly now that all effort are useless... fruitless and whatever. stop trying too hard and start having fun a little. i started working with the idea "i want to make a difference" but end up with "how much difference can i make?"

hujan sgt lebat kat luar. aku malas lagi nak balik. jap lagi kot. the road must be sooo bad... and i'm not feeling too well.
i really need to get out of this office but why am i still here?