the trouble with love is...

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It’s stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it’s true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world’s a deeper blue
I’m sadder but I’m wiser too
I swore I’d never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn’t worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

It feels so good when u r falling in love... again... cannot stop smiling... i love receiving letters... real letters... now i'm telling the world... please... stop me from falling again... jiwang tak?

anyway, does women truly seeking freedom? some women are just fine living her whole life under his father/husband. camni... for example, dari lahir sampai kawin, she is under her father's care. always obedient. father say don't go to cinema etc.. she did not go... then got married, the same thing happen, and she does not bother at all... the question was doesn't she feels that she's missing a lot? she surely has no freedom to do whatever she likes. the only explanation that i can come out with is that, that is the only life she knows... so... she's not missing anything that she doesn't know right? sometimes problem gak bila you give the girl too much freedom. like me. i'm sure i cannot listen to my dad nor my future husband. i really value my freedom and cannot even begin to imagine a life under a man's control. of course, the husband will try to control you in one way or the other... they will start say do not do this... do not do that, which i cannot understand why... it is perfectly ok for a guy to leave his wife and children at home to see his friends and hang out but it is definitely not ok for a girl to do that... she can only do it if she's working or studying... maybe what i should do is to let my future husband know that i'm not as easy to handle...

in two months time i will be 25 years old... aiya.. so old already aaa? ermmm... what is it that i have accomplished aa throught these 24 years?

spent the first 7 years just growing up at home got bullied by my sis and ignored by my parents

then the next 6 years in primary school getting good grades and positions in school.. almost popular,

the next 5 years was a misery...stuck in all girls dorm and school.. got bad grades and always at the bottom of the class.. a nobody... until after SPM when i was a best student in my asrama... all the smart ones left already... what do u expect?.. ohh... got my first bf and all the experience that comes with it.

the next 1/2 year became a minah kilang.. befriended with budak2 kg yg almost for sure gonna get married in the next two years after school

the next 1 year in PPP... start mixing around with guys again... ermm.. awkward at first... got to know bopi and rush that later on become very important people in my life...

the next 4 year in the States.... lots and lots of things happened... met matde, my sec boyfriend... also a very important person in my life... graduated with cukup2 makan to get into petronas. did 3 different part-times.. travelled around the states...

the next 1 year... worked at shah alam as sales engineer... see i have deviated from my study field from the start

currently... working my ass off for petronas.... they really should pay my salary twice as i'm doing 2 people's job now.

looking at it, mcm tak byk jer yg aku dah accomplished... but as a person aku dah develope into a woman... albeit a small one.... i hope i can make a better decisions... i give a lot of thoughts when it comes to money but not to relationship.. so.. need to do something about it... what the hell.. if i like someone... just gonna go ahead and have fun with him... and think about the consequence later... easp when that someone had hurt me in the past.... which guy haven't by the way... maybe i'm too sensitive kot... apa aku mengarut ni?

good morning... such a beautiful morning today. aku tension tul kalau time sahur kat umah sewa coz tau nak sahur apa. this morning, aku bangun... ingat nak goreng telur and masak nasi.. kuali tak basuh.. so, cancel. i thought we have roti, tp couldn't find it. semalam dah makan maggie. takkan nak makan maggie lagi? cukup2 la rambut aku ni thinning coz of clhorine (aku swim without cap).. taknakla coz maggie gak.. so, last resort, gi beli food kat kedai mamak. makanla nasi and ayam goreng. maybe tomorrow will be like this also. so, weekend mesti balik... at least mak aku bole masakkan.

and since bekerja ngan big company like petronas ni, almost everyday buka puasa kat hotel. don't get me wrong. i do not really like it either... coz buffet. aku makan sikit jer waktu buka. i'm sure each time makan kat hotel, it will cost me at least $70. so.. kalau aku makan ciput jer... takkan merugikan? membazir... betul tak?

aku skrg agak confuse with guys yg taknak reveal gaji diorg? napa? kalau the guy tu aku tak kenal sgt, i don't mind.. ni i've known him for more than 10 yrs... tp taknak bgtau? why man? why? eheheh... tp kalau aku tau, maybe aku mintak anting2 ker....gelang ker... maybe that's why kot... tringin la nak pakai earings... i want to ask somebody to buy one for me la... la la la..

selamat berpuasa semua..... harap2 nyer di bulan puasa ni, aku tak mensia2 kan idup aku. aku rasa skrg ni aku paling takut kalau hidup aku ni hanyala sia2 belaka. kalau satu hari yg aku lalu tak memberi makna. allah tak redha and in another words, melalui satu hari yg sia2.....

sbb one day i'm going to die. that is inevitable. the good news is i don't know when it is... or is it a bad one coz aku sentiasa melakukan dosa. besa or kecik... still dosa kan?

yesterday watched my fav series... Sex n the city. 5 series in a row. celebrating my last day not fasting in the fasting month. i hope it was a last day. tak sanggup dah aku nak ganti lama2... Adan (Carrie's x) is sooo hot. droolllll jap. aku suka lelaki yg potong rambut ala2 askar... not more than 1 inch length... nampak mcm macho jer.

it's thursday, tomorrow friday... pastu cutiii... besssttttt....

hari ni aku nak rehat sat. aku rasa every entry aku tulis camni. everyday utk in the fasting month ni aku masuk kul 8 and kuar kul 4. tak larat nak duk lama2. cukup2la utk satu hari 8 jam jer. dah la gaji ciput. buat per nak duk lama2 yer tak?

crude oil dah naik cam giler skrg. and i cannot stop but to evaluate a little on the situation. aku rasa it is a good idea not to let gas price influenced by market price because oil plays a major role in our economy. minyak naik jer, semua benda naik harga. maklumla, semua benda needs to be transported etc etc... and krg inflation la kan... sapa yg susah, kita jugak. so... to control the economy, it is essential for government to subsidized the oil. But i do belief they should put a ceiling price on the subsidy do that they can do something else with the money.

adala pulak TNB and Indah Water nak naikkan tariff.. aku rasa diorg ni buat keja tak efficient la. org2 yg kerja kat TNB selalu ckp camtu, byk sgt power loss. and why us, the user being penalized by it? if u r losing money, is the answer is just to increase tariff so that you won't loose? giler per. why don't they look into their own organization... look kat mana losing power and all... most of the power/water (i guess) surely went for industrial use. Kalau nak naikkan tariff... naikkanla industrial use jer... takyahla naikkan the common people... betul tak?

too many killings dlm and luar negeri. kdg2 nak baca paper pun trasa mcm naik sakit jantung. tak baca krg, jadi bimbo la pulak takleh nak bagi input in a conversation... and i still cannot give input coz semua org have more knowledge. aku ni baru setahun jagung. setahun jagung that will reach quater century in about 2 months and 10 days and takder boyfriend pun. scary? very....

arrrggggggghhhhh.... tensen nyer... banyak dah aku tulis tadi... tapi hilang la.. dammit tul. puasa2 ni buat aku marah lak.. i was writing about love just now. malas la nak tulis balik. so, just gonna keep it short and simple. okla... malas la nak tulis. ermmm... krg matde tau... banyak lak soalan dia. napa aku masih include matde dlm idup aku aaa? aku rasa aku sepatutnyer move on la... obviously he has done it the very month we broken up. ohh welll.... mengeluh tu tak baik. rush sent me one email titled "ego aside... will u marry u?" if someone ask me this, i would say yes. ehehehe... aku baik apa? malas nak masak... well.. kedai kan ada. never cook since got back from the states... it's a very long article. the point is, why do you make such a long list for an ideal husband/partner but never look at yourself if u really do worth it. FYI, i don't have such list. i can fall in love almost with everyone... maybe that's why my last relationship failed.

uiyoo... sudah seminggu la aku tak der masa langsung nak tulis apa2. monday and tuesday went to Kerteh for meetings. on monday tu sampai nak termuntah2 aku negotiate ngan terminal people to get some money from them. tuesday lak... ada satu customer bangang tu, mintak extra cargo, aku dah ter-commit nak kasi.. rupa2nyer terminal tak cukup.. arrgggghhh.... bole tak bagitau awal2? terpaksala negotiate lak ngan customer.... penat tau. penat.

anyway, minyak dah naik 5 sen per liter. aku personally langsung tak kisah coz 1 full tank cuma 14 litre and bole tahan a week. so, dlm sebulan aku cuma kena byr extra $3 jer dari dulu... tula, pakaila keter kancil 660cc. ehehehe... still tak beli lagi keter. tgh try mintak as much discount as i can. ni kena guna negotiation skill aku nih.

just FYI, harga minyak pasaran skrg ni dah jadi RM2.30/litre and kerajaan dah subsidi for 90 sen per litre. i think that is generous enough. and government cannot subsidize petronas only because nanti other companies like shell and all pull out their business.. and cripple la kita nyer economy kang. so... korg isila minyak at petronas. so, kita bagi petronas kaya and duit tak kuar ke other people that do not even care about our country. but off course, government tekan duit kita gak... easp at cars... it is just too expensive. tak bole ker ease a little on the taxes. oh well...

okla.. aku malas nak keja ari nih. aku nak postpone everything yg bole di tangguh. tada...

i think as we grow older, we actually know what to do when tested with a situation. most of the time, we know the solution to our problem. the only question is whether we brave enough to do it. have guts to face the consequences.... whatever that might be. Uncertanties plays a huge role in making a decision. like uncertainties in Iraq and Russia has increased crude oil prices to it's all time high... bila crude oil price increase, then everything else will increase.... ok, put that aside.

i seriously do think that it's true... even at this moment i am still comtemplating on a decision that i might regret later but do i have a gut to do it? i myself do not know. i know what i have to do for the longest time.. and i can't let myself live like this any longer. what has passed... has passed. there is no point on thinking what if because there is no way we can turn the clock back. today is the result of yesterday. If today is still worst than yesterday why we linger on yesterday and hoping that somehow things will magically turn out ok? okla... aku dah melalut sgt dah nih. obviously i have too much time on hand...

so... i have made my mind to buy a kelisa (limited-top hitam and body kuning). i will take 5 years loan. after all, tahun depan gaji naik. apala sgt kalau aku kena bayar lbh 100/month... i will just cut my parents allowance until gaji naik next year..

after 7 months doing this trading job, i feel that i'm more at ease to make decisions now and we do have to make a lot of decisions around here. kalau setakat rugi 1,2 ribu USD takper lagi as long as tak rugi lbh. but this truly a good experience for me. I think kalau aku tak kat sini, where everyone punya job depends on me then maybe i wouldn't develope as much.... nak illustrate how important my job is (ehehe.... nak bangga sikit ni):
1. once a yr, traders will make a contract with customers, then after that, aku la yg susun how much LPG can be lifted every month. we have about 6-7 term customers
2. traders will find out from me how is the stock.... whether ada more LPG to sell... aku kena always keep in mind and plan so that tak terkurang and terlebih cargo. kalau byk sgt cargo, i will instruct the traders to sell some of it.
3. then kena make sure mana2 kapal yg nak masuk malaysian port kena dah clear with maritime... if not, takleh lift... aku dah terkena byk kali giler la pasal ni. sometimes, over the weekend pun aku kena uruskan.
4. kalau hantar kapal ke other ports in the world, i will have to make sure the kpl discharge accordingly. kdg2 kapal accident ker, kapal rosak ker, i have to investigate and decide what to do. of course, kalau tak tau nak buat apa boleh refer to the boss.. boss2 ni bukannyer tau nak buat apa pun... most of the time la...
5. kena in contact with refineries and gas plants to coordinate their cargo. sometimes refineries or gas plants tripped, then takder cargo... aku la yg kena bagitau customer... negotiate with them. aku nyer supplier Kerteh Refinery, PGB, MLNG and Melaka Refinery.
6. make sure that all documents(pre and post load) in order. aku ada 2 assistants to help me out on this.
7. also, have to do report on the stuff that going on, why sometimes have more to sell but sometimes less, if the kpl need to wait or load longer... claim and bla2

this about sums my job up description. that's why org yg buat operation takleh tua2... takut cannot take the pressure.. kdg2 nak nangis buat kerja. tp almost all traders will have to go through this thing.. so no sweat la.. kalau org boleh buat, then aku pun surely boleh buat. cuma since i'm doing two peoples job right now, tak byk sgt masa to find out about the market. hopefully next month bole coz nampak mcm dah ok jer... and FYI, aku ckp mcm tu every single month and every single month ada jer something came up that prevent me to learn more about the market.

anyway, to my good friend (u know who u are), be strong ok.... live is too short to cry over things too long .as corny as it sounds.... time will indeed heals all wounds and its true. all u have to do is try to live again....

skrg ni dah ramai batch aku and matde yg start kerja with petronas.. so, more familiar faces around. aku even jumpa shikin last week. and surprisingly ramai yg baca blog aku, hence ramai yg tanya how's philippines. ehehe.. with this, aku rasa takleh dah nak kutuk2 matde slalu. well.. at least kalau nak kutuk, cuma bila aku tgh tensi giler or when he becomes tooo crappy (bila agaknyer tak yer?), talking about crappiness... how many crappy guys have u met? as for me, i think i have met enough.... kindly find the true story below:

crappy guy #1.
guy: jirah, rindula, lama tak jumpa. x dtg jumpa jirah kat kl la 2 minggu lagi.
jirah: ok, let me know bila dah sampai.
lagi 3 hari to the day he supposed to arrive and he never called back
jirah: x, jadi tak dtg?
guy: alamak... sorry la jirah, lupa. ingatkan bulan dpn
what the hell?

crappy guy #2
jirah: y, kisah tak kalau aku kuar ngan z?
guy: tak... langsung tak.
few weeks after that
guy: kenapa tak ajak aku sekali ari tuh masa ko kuar ngan z?
jirah: aik... aritu kata tak kisah...
bla2.... apa agaknyer aku patut rasa?

crappy guy #3
guy: lama tak jumpa ko la jirah, dah taknak kuar ngan aku ker?
jirah: bole jer, next week aku free. call la..
isnin, selasa, rabu, khamis, jumaat........tak call pun?

crappy guy #4
guy: lama tak dgr brita, weekend ni aku g kl, jom jumpa
2, 3 weekend lepas tuh
jirah: kata nak dtg, what happened?
guy: sorryla, tak jadi... bla2
ermmm.... tooo familiar already

crappy guy #5
guy: rindu kat u la. jom jumpa, ahad ni i free
hari ahad:
guy: hari ni takleh, nak kena hantar adik ke bla2. call me next week
dahla kensel gitu2 jer, pastu suruh aku call. then call la 10 kali, tak pernah di angkat.
guy: sorry, phone takder bateri, bla2. jumpa u ahad dpn
hari ahad:
guy: sorry, i penat la sbb main bola tadi. call me next week, i go to your house
the next week
guy: sorry, i takder duit, tunggu i ada duit. ahad dpn mesti i boleh dtg, sbb adik i bla2
hari ahad:
guy: sorry, takleh nak dtg sbb adik bla2....
kalau taknak jumpa aku, aku seriously tak kisah, ramai jer yg nak kat aku ni. takyahla layan aku like shit.

citer2 di atas bukanla rekaan semata2.. betapa insensitive nyer diorg ni. melukakan aku berkali2... apa ingat aku ni tunggul kayu ker? kalau dah janji cubala tunaikan.

friday is finally here. as i told a friend of mine. Monday would pass very quickly, so as tuesday, wednesday will pass a little bit slow and thursday slower but friday will pass very2 quickly.... so... you wouldn't even feel that a week has passed. ermm.. i really cannot imagine living like this for the next 10 yrs... so, i will work my ass of until i finally got married. god knows when that would be. and hopefully will get a husband that financially stable so that i can stay at home and do something relaxing. jadi florist ker... apa2 jerla yg tak require 90% of my time.

this morning a friend of mine told a story about Buddhism... the stories from their holy book. I don't dare telling it again coz i just couldn't. All i can say is that after listening all the stories, the only conclusion that i could come up is that these stories were written down by humans to justify their actions. As the one that are permitted to write it down is someone from the highest "kasta". If you read book about Pakistan (was once under India) you would see the injustice from the lords. but since aku cuma baru baca satu buku jer... tak brani la nak elaborate byk2.

dah selamat sampai kat office semalam. the trip to Philippines was great. tak gi mana2 sgt. just stayed over kat Shangrila. the only place i was at was manila. being a girl n pakai tudung is not very convenient. every night after dinner, mesti the guys will sent me home and they off to someplace else... pegi mana lagi la kan. mesti ke strip club of some sort. so... next time if i marry someone in the bussiness i know where they off to at night kalau outstation. we travel extensively. for me, not now coz still very new but two three years in the bussiness, one week will be at japan, then the next might be korea.....bla2... the point is, kena join frequent flyer prog... kalau tak... rugi.

Manila is very crowded. aku bole samakan ngan klang even, mostly guna foreigner cars.... big, big cars.. so, jln pun jadi sempit giler. according to my colleague, kat manila jer camtu... most of philippines takder pun nice highway... outstation ni sbnrnya lagi penat dari kerja biasa sbb dari pagi sampai ke malam "bekerja". dinner and lunch.... bagi aku entertaining people is very tiring... so... extra penat la...

i have make my mind to buy a new car. last week almost got heart attack when my car cannot get started. the engine was not very good. the fact that my house is at the top of the hill doesn't help at all. aku rasa sbb tula keter aku semput. so... by next month i'm going to get a new car. kelisa jerla tp. cannot afford more expensive one.

nothing much to do today. will be travelling to Manila for the first time on wednesday. this would be my first business trip ever. singapore pun tak pernah gi lagi.. selalunyer org start with singapore first.

anyway, i'm reading "My feudal lord" by tehmina Durrani. Blaja la sikit2 pasal pakistani's politics. tapi semuanyer during 1960s-1980s... so, takleh nak relate sgt, time Bhutto in office... not sure sapa PM dia skrg. anyways, the story is about her life and her husband's. giler sadistic mamat tuh. selalu pukul the wife. depress sikit baca. scary... u know, masa bercinta beriya2, last2 bila dah dpt di sepak terajang nyer minah tu. maybe after this, carik buku pasal pakistan nowadays, pasal osama ker...

i don't understand malay guys.... aku selalu tgk my sisters... how busy they are, diorg mesti bagi makan anak, temankan laki diorg makan, etc etc... etc.... and the laki, just duduk dpn tv and do nothing. what the hell... tak kesian langsung... mmgla si isteri kena jaga hati suami... tapi suami takyah buat apa2 ker? takyah tolong and takyah ringankan beban isteri? sama2 kuar carik kerja, sama2 balik rumah pukul 5. suami balik, duduk terus depan tv. isteri balik, masak, uruskan anak and suami... isk2.... i always pointed out this to the people i dated, just to see the responses. and they don't really like the topic... come on la... guys lagi byk energy and all, ringan2kan la tulang kan... by the end of the day, the wives gak yg muka manis... and everyone will be happy... ya?

lately nih, almost all my sentence will ended up with YA... mcm gee lak... Malaysian Idol is getting better... mmg voice quality beza giler dari akademi fantasia... even the horrible saiful pun dah makin ok. OKla... need to go home at 6 today... so better start doing something useful YA.

watched PGL last friday. movie was ok.. at least when it is produced by malaysian. wayang pun penuh. i got not so good reviews from my frens about the movie. but again, i don't think the movie is that bad compared to other malaysian movies. kalau nak compare to other international movies, mmgla kan. cuma i think masih bole dpt sambutan internationally coz the movie penuh ngan culture. so, all in all, i think the movie is a very good attempt.

aku dah start suka baca NST skrg... it's not as big as before and lots of reviews about stuff. bila baca facts jer aku normally tidur. it is more interesting to read about what other people thinks about the things happening. In my view, there are 2 major things yg happened recently, anwar is free and russian hostage. giler... 1,200 people , mostly children were taken hostage. this just shows how desperate the terrorist are to resort to harm children. and of course, unrest kat Iraq yg most probably ensure high price for crude oil and consequently high price for other petroleum products. when i think about it, it's really ironic... most muslims countries are blessed with oil and muslims gak yg jadi terrorist, buat terror sana sini sampai menaikkan harga minyak... thus, makin kaya la sheik2 minyak ni... so, mcm ada conspiracy lak. maybe we'll read about it the next 20 yrs...

i've been reading a book of a Geisha these last few days, it was very fascinating. very cultural and of course takla mcm citer org putih yg aku selalu baca. after this aku nak carik buku pasal other cultures lak, like pakistan, india, chinese others.... a geshia is like a prostitute but a very high class one.. more like a mistress really. at a very young age, she learns arts, dances and al the japanese traditions. they even have a certain way of pouring a tea or sake. at some point, they need to get themselves some kind of a protector that will protect them financially and phisycally. and of course, she needs to entertain and sleep with the guy. that's why a geisha is like a prostitute..... i am always fascinated with these kind of things. how a life of a girl turns out so badly that she needs to turn to a job so low as selling one self. but who i am to judge. eveyone has a turning point in their lives. be it bad or good. it makes u change so much sometimes that u wonder, what if these things never happen. what if i never did this and that never happenend? what if i'm born rich and have never a care about money? will i marry someone poor? i myself wouldn't know.

i am seriesly wante to puke now. giler penat. everyday i went to the office, i feel like "o.k, it seems that i won't have too much to do today coz i've cleared everything yesterday". but, in the end it is always ends up like this "gosh, it's 5 o'clock already... camner keje tak siap lagi? customer A nak tukar laycan, customer B nyer kapal sampai lambat, terminal nak tutup tiba2, cargo takder... aarrrrggggg". kalau balik ngan rush, need to go home by 6. kalau balik naik keter sendiri by 7.15 nak kena gerak coz i have to walk 10 mins from KLCC suria to my car. itu tak kira lagi if i have to travel to Kerteh which i will do more often since byk nak hal la pulak skrg. kalau meeting berjela2 la panjang nyer. aiyoo... kdg2 rasa nak pitam jer. can i pitam now? ni kena balik kg pulak. if my mom suruh balik, mesti kena balik... otherwise rasa bersalah giler... ish2.. banyak nyer aku complaint. ehehehe.. betul la the traders pun dah ckp. aku ni byk mengeluh sbnrya... camner aku tak mengeluh. byk giler benda aku kena buat. kena buat decision with minimal info.

yes matde, u can say now "tula, sapa suruh tinggalkan keje yg senang giler tp gaji byk tu". tapi kalau nak diikutkan, satisfaction mmg lbh la buat benda2 ni coz keja lama tuh mmg tak challenging langsung. tak membina minda langsung. right now, at least i know the movement of petroleum products. how the market is doing and all.

actually, aku nak sgt tulis pasal arrange marriage. but lain pulak yg kuar.

it's monday again. don't feel like working at all. trasa mcm nak tido jer. bole ka?

went out with apu, matde and elly last nite. for the first time i ate at Dome. not too bad the place. a little pricey but not too bad. not as expensive as Planet Hollywood. Apu yg suggest la tuh. kalau matde yg suggest mmg aku luku jer...

Bukit Bintang at nite mmg happening ghell. masa aku blaja kat Bukit Bintang Girls School (just opposite Star Hill) aku tak pernah lak try jln2 waktu malam. scary also coz my fren judd pernah citer dia nampak someone was stabbed kat depan BB Plaza or dekat2 situ. luckily takder benda2 gitu jadi kat kitorg last nite. otherwise, takkan dah aku jejak kaki kat situ.

ok, aku dah letak tag board... so, have fun guys

watched finale of Gilmore Girls last tuesday. it was AWESOME... luke dah ngan lorelai. and sadly, rory slept with dean. camnerla minah tu... isk2... aku ngan rush siap discuss pasal diorg like they are real people. ermm.. giler la..

anyways, lots of things happened lately. and i cannot believe that i was emotionally disturbed by it. one friend was dumped by her bf without any warning. that guy definitely a bastard. sure ada pompuan lain tuh. and another one friend's bf willing to leave his current gf for her. ermm.. in this situation. what should i feel? i think i was so confused with my own feelings that i let myself sleep the whole night yesterday w/o any dinner. life is too unpredectible. i felt so sorry for her(the one being dumped) because they already made plans to get marry. oh well... it happened to another fren too... what's wrong with these guys... napa sanggup buat camtuh? don't they even have feelings, at least a little compassion to the girls?

when i hear about all these things, it really made me think how we cannot really really really love a guy coz they sucks. so.. i'm gonna flirt jer.. and bila dia kuar ngan pompuan lain, aku jeles...iyerla tuh. anyways, kalau berckp psl hati & prasaan sampai 10 tahun lagi pun takkan selesai. so.. gonna call a day la. laters

testing....

fasting again today. kalau aku berjaya puasa till the end of today, aku ada 3 more days to go. so, 3 more weeks la ...

i don't know what happen to me la lately, i think i have become a very terrible person. hari ni i've hurt a friend coz i forgot to include her in a list. yesterday, out of annoyance of a certain colleague. i gave a very unnecessary comment. he just left with a very sour face and never made eye contact with me again. and of course, last month hurt a friend because i did not asked him to join me dinner. that is horrible. have i become that insensitive? and thought less about other people. i cannot justify this. of course i can always blame matde. ehehe... yeah, why i don't blame matde. since he is so insensitive about me and my feelings. i just don't care about other things also. In philosophy-logic class, the conclusion should be as follows:

premis 1:Matde hurt jirah
premis 2:jirah hurt friends
conclusion: matde hurt jirah's friend

see... i feel better already.. anyways, on a lighter note.. since Mega-sale would be until this month and out of no where i got extra $$$$$, i would like to buy:
1-sandals: dah rosak masa "rewang" kat kenduri kawin
2-handbag: simply too small
3-document beg: i'm using my dad's travelling beg
4-purse: too small... more cards now
5-shirts: been wearing my sis's old shirts. kalau nak diikutkan, aku cuma ada 3 shirts jer.

kay... wish me luck peeps

i have solved my eating problem by ot eating during mealtime. so, by meal time i will get very2 hungry and have no choice but to eat. otherwise, i won't eat. ok, one problem solved. now, i got a new problem. i cannot shop. it's ridiculous. i'm sooo used to buy things only when necessary. i spent 3 months looking for a sandal. and god knows how much i spent at malls trying to figure out what is it that i want. now, i really need a new handbag and a document beg. my handbag is too small.. and my doc beg is too old and looks yerrkkk... yesterday and the day before, i've looked around at Isetan. For those who doesn't know it's Mega Sale again and i cannot figure out what to buy. dammmmmmm laaaaa..... krg bila dah tak sale, barula terhegeh2 nak carik.

esok nak gi hasdi nyer wedding. ermmm... mesti interesting giler...

today is claim day. more like aku ada extra masa to do claims. so, dptla balik my phone bills claim. ada ka patut, petronas amik all the discounts yg aku dpt for my celcom. jahat tul. so, right now, i re-do my phone claims. so that i can use all the discounts for my personal calls. patut ka?

skrg ni aku ada prob. susah sikit nak makan coz takder slera. don't know why. i look at food, takder nafsu langsung. makan bila dah trasa lapa giler jer. this is not good.

and trasa mcm PMS jer. why aaa? masa aku sepatutnyer pms, aku suppressed my feelings so that i don't fell depressed or effected by it. tiba2 bila everything was over and supposedly i feel terribly fine right now, aku trasa mcm tgh PMS lak. pelik tul la. maybe i shouldn't do it.

i shouldn't suppress any of my feelings coz it is only delaying the eventual pain or whatever feelings it should be. obviously, it goes the same with my PMS. ermm... one lesson learnt.

feels much better today. arrived as usual at the office. nothing much to do. ehehehe.. ok, i lied. tonnes of work to finish off by today. but hey, if i don't let go a little bit, i'll go crazy, right?

nothing really interesting happening... it's just that aku puasa ari ni and keep forgetting that i am. i realized how forgetful i am lately. sometimes aku bole tak ingat langsung apa yg aku buat the last few days. easp. the last few weeks. maybe because things have gone really fast.

see.. when i finally do have time to write something, takder idea lak. okla. what to do.

ciao..

uiiii... lama tul dah aku tak tulis apa2. well... too bz lately.. like my colleagues love to say... bz sampai tak cukup tanah. not sure what that mean though. a lot has happened too...

ok... let's recap....

July 26-29: Course kat permata bangi, stayed at Elly's place from sunday nite till wed night. hopefully la mak dia tak kisah. maklumla, every fri night aku gi balik umah elly malam2 buat. sure bengkak jer dia.... the course wasn't really beneficial coz people kept calling. tension den...

July 31 & Aug 1: Makcik aku kawin. sakit kaki aku nyambut tetamu+angkat2 pinggan2 kotor. dahla kwasn rumah dia berbatu2 and tak rata. until wednesday kaki aku masih sakit lagi. tula, tak biasa buat keje kawin la

Aug 3: I had to attend Hadhari seminar. okla jugak. i think the whole idea was to instill ideas in our head so that we won't be a terrorist. just look around and u'll see how muslims kena tindas. of course, somehow we wanted to react to it. ada bau2 politik gak coz they couldn't stop comparing the government and kelantan. what the hell la... when i got home i found out that i have hurt a friend.

Aug 4 & 5: went to kerteh to attend meetings. the meeting was ok. on the 4th, the friend that i accidently hurt, hurt me in return and from there i found out that actually, i am not a thoughful and inconsiderate friend that in the end aku buat palat kat dia. i was terribly sorry coz sometimes i don't know what i did. i know i will eventually forgets about it.. but in the mean time... don't know what to do....

so, to all my friends out there, please accept my apology for not contacting any of you guys if i did wrong. If any of you guys think that i am horrible, maybe i am. i just need to learn to accept criticism better. this time, i took it very hard. maybe the next time... will be better.

How to make a azzirah

Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 5 parts arrogance 1 part beauty

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

errmmm... maybe i am an arrogant person... only to certain people jer.. not all la kot.

judd gi kemas2 bilik dia and as a result got a bunch off old malay books yg dia taknak (most prob belong to his sis) from him. last nite out of the blue aku gi baca two of the books.. okla, not too bad.. pasal kehidupan hari2 yg aku mmg bole relate to myself. trasa insaf sikitla sbb byk gak ckp pasal agama.. and keluarga...
maybe i should try to read all of them..

i dragged myself out of the bed today. and then tidur all the way to work, kesian rush, she had to endure one hour of traffic. it becomes crazier and crazier each day.

ermm... just visited kench's blog, and came across article pasal why is it people makin lambat kawin and the reason was "duit hantaran". aku sbnrnya tak brapa stuju with harga hantaran tinggi2... just enuff to bear duit kenduri kawin pun dah cukup. after all, kalau tekan byk2 pun nanti kita yg susah. kalau parents yg tetapkan, then the girl la yg kena charm her parents to lower it down.. sbb aku nak simpan 1000 pun payah, okla.. takla payah sgt.. but it will take quite sometimes to get it.

i've asked my mom about my hantaran, and she said, it doesn't have to be alot coz the first was only 4k, then the sec was 3K and the third was 0K, and looking at the trend, am i entitle to get only -2K? when i was with matde, there were times when i thought that's the case... not that that the reason we have to go our own seperate ways...

i had one conversation about hantaran with a fren pasal ni gak. selalunyer duit hantaran tu represent a date, my birthdate mmg tak sesuai coz it either 1198.0 (too low) or 11980(too expensive). tapi kalau divide by two maybe ok gak kot...5990. eheheh... okla... boyfren pun takder... buatperla aku pening2 kepala yer tak?

peace....<>

it has been quite a while... too bz lately, trasa mcm nak demam lak.. but too many things to settle at the office.. what to do..

watched Spiderman 2 last tues nite.. it was awesome... aku mmg suka giler the first one and the sec one is even better.. i cried like 4 times.. i'm such a big crier. segan gak coz jap2 kena bersihkan cermin.. i think i cried coz M.J showed how much she loves and cares Peter. tapi Peter lak yg hesitate... the most touching words by M.J was "I've always been on your doorway" and then they kissed.. aaaarggghhh... tak tahannnnn... words like i love you and such mmg rarely moved me tapi kalau ayat2 yg tunjuk tapi tak tunjuk (hope u know what i mean)... mmg cair giler la... really don't mind watching it again.

felt so lazy right now. ermm.. maybe i should just hit the surau and sleeeeppppppppppp. itu jerla keje aku... sampai my supplier complaint, kalau call aku outside office hour, aku mesti either tgh tido or makan... takder benda lain dah...

i don't know whether it was Sex And The City, my PMS or Pink songs that makes me think back about my life. I always think about everything in my life before jumping into anything... except of course, relationship... that one i always messed up like choosing the wrong guy, falling for someone that is never interested with me or very flirty to the point that i don't know whether he is honest or not. i even loose a friend because he was so flirty with me and one day i was soo sick of it and scolded him. our friendship was never the same again...

anyways, i really need to sit down and face my fears. i always pushed back everything and not thinking. it works pretty well until now. i think i'm in denial and its eating my heart out. i hate it when suddenly i feel so depressed (even though it's due to PMS) for no reason at all. it makes me think... of what i want in life. do i want this? do i want to always make compromises? to make everyone happy no matter what it does to me? maybe i should make the trip to penang.. maybe i should go alone... being alone.. it is the scariest thing ever.. and this toothache is not helping at all. dah 3 hari aku sakit gigi. and after this kena sakit perut lak.. can i stop complaining now?

u know what, i think the solution to my woes is very simple. it goes something like this..
1) go see dentist
2) buy menstrual pill
3) sleep more than 4-5 hrs a day
4) refrain myself from watching SATC and read romances books.. it really gives you ideas...
5) swim and lay by the pool for the whole evening.. errrmmm interesting.. hope someone like Luke(as in Gilmore Girls) will show up

this is my new fav song by Pink... she is very inspirational.

Waiting For Love

She looks to the sun
Help her to carry on
Braking down all the years
Wondering how she got here
She drifts through the sky
Counting the reasons why
How my life turned so fast
Remembering all of the past

All the changes, and all the mistakes
Foolishly laughing at things that
Words that she says

She looks to the stars
Breaking, time to follow the heart
Her world is falling apart

And the turning of every new page
A book on a shelf that is there to remain
Breaking the walls as she's tearing them down
A she is starting to drown

She's waiting for love
She's waiting, waiting for love
Waiting, waiting for love
She's waiting, waiting so long

She prays to the Gods
Telling how she needs someone
Help me find where I am today
Life is looking very grey

All the changes, all the mistakes
Foolishly laughing at things that
Everything that she says

I'm waiting for a new day to rise
COnversations to make sense to me and my mind
I need someone to lift me right off of my feet
And I want it, and I need it, and I'll leave it all behind

And all the changes I've made
And I remember the words, that you'll never say

She looks to the sun

my tooth hurts, my stomach cramps, my head aches, i'm hungry, terribly sleepy, tired, couldn't even open my eyes... and i'm still in the office waiting for a stupid fax from Middle East to come in so that my customer from Singapore wouldn't hassle me for it. not too mention that i'm pms-ing right now. since i was tooo angry and need to vent my anger, i have scolded one manager from one company... and yessss... at times like this i can be the most difficult girl in the world. why ooooo why?????

have to go out and meet yann tonite.. meaning more driving. dammit. i need to slow down..

watched 2 gilmore girls and 7 sex and the city (satc) last night... even though i ended up sleeping at around 2.30 am.. i think it's worth it.. satc is not just about the sex life of 4 women.. its more about life and how one see/struggle through it. i hope i can be like carrie. she's strong, resilient, love her man tremendously and very good with words. she has a very wierd sense of fashion... how could she dress like that? but if i have a body like her i might dress like her too. not too fancy with shoes though. how can someone bought a very uncomfortable 400++ shoes?

and if i'm a mother, i want to be like lorely(not sure bout the spelling). i want to always be there for my daughter. she would drop everthing the second her daughter needs her. she's very independant, likeable, funny, very good to people.. got to admire that. maybe need to tone down on the sarcasm... cannot wait to see her with the hot luke. i just love guys like luke.. cool, a little beardy, laid back...anyhow,i just love the theme song

if you're on the road
feeling lonely and soo cold
all you need to do is call my name
and i'll be there on the next train
when u leave
i will follow everywhere
if u want me too...

aaahhh... sooo sweeettttt... wish i have a mother like that. but if i do, i won't be able to stand on my own two feet. wouln't survive that horrible hostel/school and the lonelines at Michigan. yeah... that's why i don't miss umich that much. i tend to remember the loneliness and tears.

last but not least... pink's new album. Try this. i listen to it everyday... plus, one song that's very2 suitable to be dedicated to my special someone. maybe if i'm unstable enuff i'll post it here. just for fun... already... spent too much time on this post already... gtg.. wbb tomorrow

monday just sucks.... ngantuk giler. so, just gonna hit surau and take a nap after this.

things i found out last weekend:
1) cheesy wedges-god... this thing is sooooo good that i have to get it again

2) rings-if u want to propose, make sure the ring is suitable, applicable to guys only kot.

3) Vin Diesel is sooo hot. watched chronicles of riddicks with my sis just because she wanted to watch a movie and yg lain suma dah fully booked/sold out. the movie is not too bad.. yela.. since i think that guy is hot kan

4) balls-cannot elaborate more... u guys need to watched sex and the city yourself series 410. ehehehe...

5) and i can do sommersault under water tooo...

6) luke in gilmore girls also hot. ehehehe... got the cds now and gonna watch it all week long. with sex and the city plus gilmore girls, i think night club has to wait....

enuff la kot for a week..

went to bentong last sunday. it was a blast... bila nak sampai jer... tersengih2 aku.. tak sabar nak mandi kat sungai la katakan... ehehehe... since i'm not sure i can cook for the trip, aku beli jerla roti and tuna. bole la pulak tertinggal tuna tu. tension tul. so, yesterday aku i was on bread diet. and terpaksa masak scramble egg yg power2 sikit so that aku and all the gang boleh makan. eheheh... sempat gak aku memuji diri sendiri tuh. tapi takper, mey(cousin judd) dah mengconfirmkan yg my scramble egg tu ok. aku anggap jerla comment dia tu ikhlas...

i really need to have a hobby right now. so, this is a list that i want to do:
1) learn how to dance - so that i can go to clubs and dance.. meliarkan diri sekejap
2) learn how to make-up - so that i can go to the clubs looks like a matured lady, not 18 yrs old. got that from a lot from people lately
3) go get new frens - so that i can get a new boyfriend asap
4) travel to as many places as i can
5) ajak mey gi mandi sungai
6) go to penang.....

ngantuks nih. malas tul nak keje.. esok cuti... yey!!!! and i might get a new tv. not really newla at least i hope it will be better than the one that we have at home. maybe balik rumah jap malam ni coz i wanted to get some rest hari sabtu.

planned to go to bentong this sunday with bunch of freinds... might be meeting new frens coz mey is going to bring along his friends. coolll... finally, after one month kata nak gi, kitorg akan sampai gak ke bentong. maybe the next week bole gi genting lak.

also, hoping to go skating with boro. aku sure tak berapa selesa skating coz tak brapa pandai. like boro, i too need to sort out some stuff in my life. ie.. my roooommmmmmm... i need to mop it, make it better... i need a bed. so that i can push everything under it. takla menyemak depan mata jer...

Possession

Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide,
Voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time,
The night is my companion
and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
to find the truth enslaved,
Oh you speak to me in riddles and
you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath,
your words keep me alive,

Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied,

-by Sarah Mclachlan....

one of my fav songs...

we do different stuff for different reasons... so.. what am i talking about? i myself don't know.. so, i will just go take a nap now...

at first i thought i don't have time to read papers... but the fact is that i don't like to read papers.. papers is too depressing... too many bad and awful news..i prefer magazines or novels. at this moment, i love romance novels. maybe will change later after i got tired of it. love cleo mag. dulu tak layan langsung the mag sbb too cheesy. don't know why tiba2 tersuka lak... the issues just struck straight to the heart.

ntah camner, masa aku baca mag tuh, aku terpk pasal.. what if i'm already married... after got back from work and swim, i'm very tired that all i want to do just rest and do nothing. and the husband ni jenis yg nak everything in the house in order. so, kita yg penat2 ni kenala buat air utk dia, gosokkan baju, kemas2 rumah... i might do it but with hati yg agak meradang. and tak ikhlas... and later on jadi hangin. why is it malay men so insensitive... most of the time they want to be treated like a king when they treated their wives like shit. and this is actually happening in real life not from some mag or novels i read.

i think this insecurity about future is eating me alive. kalau nak diikutkan... pasal dunia, dah almost ok.. cuma tinggal cari laki utk kawin jer.pasal akhirat tu i have a veryyyy longgg way to go... need to improve a lot in that department.

have been staying up late for these last few days... mak aku pun dah marah giler coz being the honest me, i just told that i went home late these last three days. hence, couldn't get out of the bed until 6.00 pm... bila aku rasa dia dah tak membebel2 dah, aku pun bergerak la balik.

anyways, that's not the point. actually, i would like to write about my three year old niece Mohd Hafiz Ansari. i like three year old kid coz they give more attention to me. bila aku "bersolek" (i.e pakai moisturizer and bedak) mesti dia join, and dia pun pakai sama... semua benda dia nak cuba, lip balm, losyen tangan, perfum... and aku mesti kasi dia guna.. hope not to spoil the child.. but who cares... he is sooooo cute.... it is amazing and also amusing to see how they try to learn alot of stuff at this age.. aku bagi dia kunci keter so that dia boleh kunci pintu, try masukkan kunci dlm keter... bercalar2 la sikit keter aku.. tapi takper... my car dah buruk pun. yg paling menyayat kan hati masa aku nak balik semalam. dia ber iyer2 nak ikut.. siap turun ngan aku and ckp berulang2 kali nak ikut aku... bukak pintu keter sendiri lak tuh. keter kat belakang, so bila aku sampai depan rumah, kakak aku amik dia.. dia pegang baju aku kuat2 and nangis kuat2.. trasa nak nangis lak aku. cannot imagine if i have to do that to my own child... sure berjurai2 air mata... all in all, i think i miss him sooo...

i used to be very close to his big brother... tapi since dia dah bsr (5 tahun) and dah ada kwn.. takder la dia bagi attention kat aku. sure aku sedih bila hafiz ni dah bsr... isk isk isk..

baru abis baca blog judd. i think this is the first time aku baca entry dia word by word. he is soo good at giving baby names.. kalau aku mmg gagal giler. nama yg paling aku suka is amirun solihin.. lembut kan nama. itu nama abg Hafiz. bila budak tu nakal2 sikit, aku panggil dia solihin... and budak2 ni mmg blaja dari kita. bila aku nak ckp ngan dia, aku panggil dia and dudukkan atas riba aku, usap2 kepala dia and ckp yg aku tak suka dia buat camtu. and last sunday, dia nak sword dia dari hafiz. dia panggil hafiz, letak kepala hafiz kat peha dia.. and ckp slow2 yg sword tu dia punya.. ishhh, terharu aku... dlm kekasaran aku ni... ada gak sifat keibuaan.... rrrrr... ehehehe...

ok... cukupla aku membuang masa... BOSS takder until TOMORROW.... YEAYYYYYYY.....

hari ni petronas cuti... and i'm in the office. rasa ridiculous giler.. camnerla aku boleh kena ada kat office ni.

i'm reading another book right now. actually have been reading it more than three times already but since the story is too sweeet and too good to be true i just have to read it again and again.

well, it is about two people that born and die at the same time and day. they are one soul with two bodies... itula namanyer soulmate kot.. anyhow. both of them cannot be seperated. buat semua benda sama2 bla2...and something happened along the way... tapi last2 they got back together and live happily ever after... napa aku suka baca buku cheesy camni? aku pun tak tau. tapi after aku abis baca buku ni aku nak beli buku "summerhouse". hopefully will be as good. buku is tax deductable.. so, kena simpan resit so that boleh deduct from my tax next yr.

now i have to wait to answer one more question yg diorg ada.. damn la.. hopefully boleh dpt answer tu cepat2. aku nak pegi beli tix harry potter. krg sure abis.

Today is Rush's birthday, cuma mampu hadiahkan birthday cake to her.. hope she is enjoying it....

had a great time with frens last nite. what else do u do when u r still single right? anyways, i found out one very shocking news last nite and until this moment i was still depressed by it. that news just confirm my idiocy when it comes to relationship.

why do i always end up in a very bad relationship? the only person that i can blame is ME. those bastards (my x-bfs) are selfish people who never thinks about me. aku jerla yg terhegeh2, terisau2 padahal bila aku takder kat sebelah diorg, diorg gi bersuka ria ngan pompuan lain. jadi pompuan2 di luar sana... jgnlah jadi seperti aku yg bodoh ini. kalau bf korg tu ada gaya2 gatal yg terlampau, berjaga2 la... jgnla stay with that person just because u think he can change his kegatalan... i hope that would be the last time aku terkena camni. enough is enough...

ermmm.... today in general is great. no crazy customer wants to change anything. no traffic jem. i woke up like 7.45 and went out by 8.30 and got to my office by 9.05.. have to walk like 15 mins from parking lot to office maaaa...

okla, since aku trasa sgt malas nak buat kerja, aku nak let the whole world knows (more like who ever visits this web) of who i think i am.

i am such a lazy2 person... i hate to cook but i love to bake cakes. i say anything that comes out of my head easp to those that i'm close to be it bad or good. sometimes people say it ignorance but some people take it as honesty. currently i'm not seeing anyone in particular but looking. no longer having a boyfriend by choice...i have great girlfriends that i can't live without. they are just awesone. family never been better even though i haven't seen one of my sisters since raya lepas.. damn.. how is she haa?.

ermm.. bosanla.. aku pun takder benda best nak letak. anyways... now u know more about me right...?
enuff crap.. i know... always crap.. that's why we have this blog. so that we can write whatever we want. freedom la katakan.

Saja jer nak quote Sarah McLachlan's song:
"doesn't mean much
doesn't mean anything at all
the life i left behind me is a cold room"

itu jer yg aku ingat... nantila aku update lagi...i hear her cd "mirrorball" almost everyday.. tak pernah bosan pun. aku tau leman suka dia gak and judd takleh trima lagu2 tuh.. boro n rush doesn't mind listening... like they have a choice... ehehe..

okla.. i'm out... peace... <>

penuh sikit rumah malam ni... camnila baru rumah namanyer... takla sunyi sepi cam semlm. sakit jiwa aku jadinyer.

hari ni aku still kat rumah. tomorrow gi kerja dari klang. means kena gerak by pukul 7 or earlier.. damn. anyways, better than staying alone at home. aku ni mmg takleh idup sorg2. i think i'll die of boredom.

hari ni byk pulak parents aku dpt berkat. berkat is makanan yg kitorg dpt dari kenduri kawin. i think only org jawa yg buat tradisi ni. everytime tgk org kawin kita akan dpt nasi and lauk pauk. so, mmg berlambak la lauk kenduri kat rumah. takyah masak pun... not that i'm cooking.. even though i'm trying too. normally bila kitorg dpt berkat ni kitorg makan sama2 dlm dulang... tapi skrg dah jrg buat camtu.. masing makan dlm pinggan jer.

anak sedara aku tgh buat lawak apa ntah depan aku ni. tak paham aku..

if u only have P driving license, takleh nak sewa keter.. ermm...keciwa aku. so, naik jerla taxi kat kerteh. overall, the trip was fun. on wednesday, all my urusan selesai by 3.40 pm. so i went by the pool. ehehehe.... best giler rasa... berjemur jap then swim then baca buku. rasa2nyer dlm pukul 7.15 baru aku balik bilik. itupun sbb nak terkencing.

anyhow. skrg ni kat rumah. its too quite. all my elder sis kat rumah mak mentua masing2, 2 brothers tgk wayang, the youngest gi camp... asyik camping jer mamat tuh and my only younger sis kat melaka buat matriks. mak gi marhaban. so... tinggal la aku and bapak aku kat rumah ni.... nasib baik bapa aku tak rajin gi surau. kalau idak... aku sorg jerla... this house used to be very noisy at night. mana taknyer... 10 org tinggal kat sini. bila masing2 dah bsr ni, masing2 la bawa diri. mmg camtu kot.

rush kena entertain famili, boro jaga bibik, bugys takleh nak kuar, judd don't know what he is up to, yann ada bf, elly kat kedah. so... i'm left with myself this weekend. aku ni mmg jenis yg need to be with people... kalau takder org mmg mati kutu tak tau nak buat apa.

btw, bapa aku baru jer kuar rumah... sorg2 la aku dlm rumah ni... errmmm... what should i do.. blaja masak la... ehehehe... nak buat camner, tak pandai masak krg takder sapa nak kawin ngan aku. okla... enuff crap. baikla aku lipat baju yg menimbun tuh...

peace... <>

i'm reading one romance book right now... well.. what else to do at times like this. the book contains three short stories... the first one was very light... that was the first story that i read yg mmg takder upsets langsung... everything goes smoothly... very smoothly.. the guy wooed the girl for a yr... mind you.. a year.. and the finally they fall in love... bla2..

and the second story pasal this psychic girl. she touched this one man and knows that he will be the guy that she will marry. giler.. i wish i can do that. i just touch a man to know whether he's the one. takyahla nak give out signals ker... takyah pk bagai nak rak to find a way to tell him u like him or whatever lah....very unfair also that the man is very nice.. have a good job... maybe i shouldn't read this romance book at all.. instead of making me feel better.. it is actually makes me feels even more depressed.

can't wait to read the third story...

and tommorrow i'm off to kerteh. since i'm going alone, sampai jer kat kuantan airport, aku nak sewa keter. cuak gak tuh sbb nak kena naik keter bigger than kancil. i know what u guys think... sampai kaki ke idak.. sampai tau. mlm semalam aku test drive wira auto and ok... hopefully tomorrow ada wira... and jalan nak ke awana kijal pun tak tau.. ni mmg gamble giler ni... wish me luck peeps... hope that i don't have to tell my mom coz she will die of worry if she find out... but don't know how not to tell her. of course she'll ask...
gotta put on my thinking cap.. need to tell but not telling.. ehehe

okla.. it's almost 6, i'm out.

finally gonna go home tonight after 2 weeks enjoy kat kl... eheheh... i have been having a very good time lately.. elly came over last tuesday... giler byk gossip. maklumla, we haven't seen each other for a year... too many things to catch up. hopefully she can come again and talk and do stuff... malas aku nak stay lama2 kat office nih.. hence... i need to go home

this is a bit lengthy but i like it so much that i have to post it on my blog. i want to thank to all my girlfirends for being there with me when i needed it... thanks for listening when i told my never ending problems... so girlfriends... read on

Girlfriend

A young wife sat on a sofa in Bukit Timah on a hot humid
day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.

As they talked about life, about marriage, about the
responsibilities of life and the obligations
of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice
cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a
clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

”Don’t forget your girlfriends,” she advised, swirling
the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. “They’ll be
more important as you get older. No matter how much you love
your husband, no matter how much you love
the children you’ll have, you are still going to need girlfriends.

Remember to go places with them now and then;
do things with them. And remember that “girlfriends” are
not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and
other relatives too. You’ll need other women. Women always do.”

’What a funny piece of advice,’ the young woman
thought. ‘Haven’t I just gotten married? Haven’t I just joined the
couple-world? I’m now a married woman, for goodness sake, a
grownup, not a young girl who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband
and the family we’ll start will be all need to make my life worthwhile!’

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with
her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years
tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand
that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.
As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries
upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life.

After 50 years of living in this world, here is what I
know about girlfriends:
Girlfriends bring you chicken curry and scrub your bathroom when you need help.

Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.

Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it,
sometimes you don’t.

Girlfriends don’t always tell you that you’re right, but they’re usually
honest.

Girlfriends still love you, even when they don’t agree with your choices.

Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don’t need canned jokes to start the laughter.

Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.

Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack, and help you
move.

Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter
when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!

Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.


Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.

Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

Girlfriends listen when your parents’ minds and bodies fail.

Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.

Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.

Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.

Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favours.
Men don’t call when they say they will.
BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you
have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

My daughter, sisters, mother, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law,aunties, nieces, cousins, extended family, and friends bless my life! The world wouldn’t be the same without them, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the
incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much
we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to the women who help make your life work.
I just did.

watched troy last eve... wooowww.... giler power body brad pitt and charming as always. eheheh.... judd even wants to buy the DVD when its came out. takper, kalau dia beli, aku pinjamla kan... <> juddzzz..

and also, yesterday was the first day aku kuar awal giler dari office which was 1.5 hrs earlier... terserempak ngan satu manager ni.. bising tul mulut dia. aku cakap la aku nak gi post office. lantakla dia kat situ. aku nak kuar gak. judd la ni.. dtg awal giler.. ehehe... kena lagi judd... juddzzzz . all in all it was fun...

watched troy last eve... wooowww.... giler power body brad pitt and charming as always. eheheh.... judd even wants to buy the DVD when its came out. takper, kalau dia beli, aku pinjamla kan... <> juddzzz..

and also, yesterday was the first day aku kuar awal giler dari office which was 1.5 hrs earlier... terserempak ngan satu manager ni.. bising tul mulut dia. aku cakap la aku nak gi post office. lantakla dia kat situ. aku nak kuar gak. judd la ni.. dtg awal giler.. ehehe... kena lagi judd... juddzzzz . all in all it was fun...

ermm.. its 11.19 am and i am almost done... wow... for the first time in 2 months aku nyer meja kemas giler... and xder customer shouting... supplies cukup... ehehe.. just wait till the end of this month. kali ni aku nak plan elok2... taknak bagi byk2 shipments towards the end of the month. or xleh load by the end of the month. enough about work

hitz fm talked about gentlemen in malaysia... i personally do not really like gentleman.. maybe because i was never surrounded by one. i myself far from gentle.. ehehehe... how can i live with someone that treat me like i'm a handicap? or even romantic guys. i always laugh when guys just tried to be romantic with me. i don't know how to be romantic. ok, when someone said that he cannot live without u, but of course u can live without him.. what do u say then? do u laugh or smile or make sweet faces just not to kill the mood? damn... maybe i should take relationship 100 class.

i think there's not many romantic and gentleman guys in malaysia anyway... so.. i do not think i should worry at all..

peace <>

malam tadi tgk citer "all about us" or something like that la tajuk dia..cannot recall really.. anyways, dlm citer tuh, after few yrs the couple just do not love each other anymore... is it not scary? i'm sure if i get marry, there will be times when i hated my husband. but to completely lost the love? u see, i'm not getting younger and have to think about this kind of think.. i wish i'm still 16... life was not easier then but still i don't have to think about financial security, marriage and all... those stuff are too depressing to think about....

ok, if u have a problem, do u dwell on it or u find a solution to it? given the choice i'm sure most people will choose the latter. but to get to the second option is not that easy... of course when u have problem u tend to think about it.. really think about till by the end of the day, all u get is a headache and a very bad mood. some people say it is good to talk about your problem. to some extent it will help... only to some extent... coz most of the problem solving has to come from our ownselves. u can tell your problems to hundreds of people for the next ten yrs... but if u're just too chicken to face it.. it is definitely not going anywhere... am i right? giler... i think i can talk about this on and on and on... maybe i should just stop with this crap and start slaving myself for petronas...

so, right now, i just want to do what i should have done million years ago and not to think about the consequences... wish me luck peeps...

hidup as org bujang mmg fun giler... on saturday, aku tido sampai pukul 1.30 tghari... since bilik aku cerah sgt, aku lari gi bilik rush. and sambil2 aku tido tu i got 5 different official phone calls... sure diorg kutuk giler aku... anak dara bgn lewat giler... sapa suruh kacau aku on saturdays and aku jwb pun mcm nak xnak jer.. then ptg tu head to acap's house.

on sunday, bgn awal sikit coz ada org nak pasang rail utk langsir... lepak2... boro balik. tiba2 jer kitorg nak mandi sungai. x sampai 5 mins aku dah siap berpakaian... giler excited. nasib baik la kitorg x dgr nasihat judd... aku rasa dia jeles sbb takleh ikut. ehehhe... anyways, i had a blast. dpt spot yg dlm... and aku berenag2 ngan bestnyer... next week nak gi lagiiiiiiii..... abisla, entah bilanyer aku nak balik rumah cam ni...

aiyoooo... kepala aku sudah berdarah wooo.... kalau masa blaja... aku nyer kepala cuma berdarah time finals jer... ini everyday ini mcm.. manyak susah oooo....

penat sungguh mulut aku bercakap ari2... ermmm... maybe today after work i shouldn't go out with anyone.. just hang out by myself. and go jogging so that i will feel better.. and find a reading material, perhaps a paper. lama dah tak baca paper. nak baca pun xder masa. how come? how come?

already lah.... mau pulangla... don't want to stay any longerla.....

cuti 5 hari ari tu... cuti pun x trasa cam cuti skrg ni... ngan org asyik call jer.. and skrg aku masih kat office. aku masuk pukul 8.00 pagi and i'm going back at 8 also... is it not ridiculous? well... apart from that, everytime aku gi jumpa client, aku mmgla dpt gift. and org pun dah start ckp yg benda tu mcm bribe... tapi if semua org pun dpt, xla riba kan namanyer...

tomorrow nite gonna have another dinner. so... maybe another gift? ehehehe....

i think elly is at malaysia right now... kalau ko baca blog aku ni elly... msg aku. nak jumpa ko...

cannot belief that i'm too busy to update my journal.... and now my colleague lak nak tukar depart... i'm going to be twice as busy very soon sbb instead of handling 2 terminals, aku kena handle 4 terminals.... giler apa... and he's been doing that since last year..

keje aku skrg ni kira ok la... still byk mkn free... and bcoz of that, aku dah start gi jogging kat KLCC nyer park.. yesterday was the first day... hopefully still akan jog tomorrow or the day after... tak cukupla kalau cuma nak mengharapkan swimming once a week. itupun kalau aku balik shah alam.. punya la payah nak carik swimming pool kat ampang ni. there must be at least one.

weekend was pretty hectic... since aku dah berkereta ni, selalula aku gi keluar jumpa org tu, jumpa org ni... cannot imagine how i'm going to feel when i have to return my car to my dad. sure sedih jer rasa.... sudah patah kaki... isk isk... once u have a car, it feels sooo weird living without one...

i'm officially a gilmore girls freak... i can watched 4 series in a row and stop just becoz i need to go to work the next morning... kalau tak, i can watch 10 series instead. cannot believe dulu aku kutuk2 adik and kakak aku sbb diorg suka sgt tgk citer tuh... eheheh... now it's my turn.

everyone in that movie is very witty... even when that someone has an attitude.. and of course, beautiful... even the fat suki is... and they talked soo fast i have to concentrate to catch up... nevertheless, i love the show and don't mind watching it again... ehehehe

which reminds me, i need a tv to watch gilmore girls on 8tv... kitorg nyer tv rosak and we really need to find a tv, maybe i should try carik tv this weekend.

guys always say that women are impossible to understand.. for me that is bullshit. the basic rule is if u hurt the girl's feeling in any way, she will either cry, stop talking to u or went completely mad.... but for us women to understand man... giler.. for example.. please read on...

disclaimer: not my own writing... ehehehe...

==============================================================
The nice men are ugly,
The handsome men are not nice,
The handsome and nice men are gay,
The men who are not so handsome but nice men have no money,
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think women are only after their money,
The handsome men without money are after our money,
The handsome men who are not nice don't think that we are beautiful enough,

The men who think we are beautiful, somewhat nice, and have some money are cowards,
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, and have some money are shy guy,
Now, do you understand men indeed?

=============================================================

do u agree with me girls?

what u do on sat?

sleeeppppppp......

tv.....

eat junk........

nampaknyer aku dah semakin bz skrg... nak update blog pun jrg2... ehehehe...

anyways, life is good now. except that kurang physical activity sikit. i'm trying to find a place or activity that i can do so that i will stay fit. as u know, people in my profession are quite fat. we are pampered with good food. everytime org dtg belanja, diorg order like crazy.... kalau lauk tak more than 6 mmg tak sah la...

maybe today ada org nak jumpa aku gak. so, i might have a drink with him. ehehe... this one i don't know whether i should pay for it or not. i seriously don't know when i should pay bila makan ramai2. it is easier for a guy to say they will pay but for a girl? i don't know...

aku sudah mengantuk... ehehehe... so, here i am, second entry in a day. mamat yg duduk sblh aku cuti ari nih. takderla aku segan sgt nak update blog aku.

one of my colleague rupa2nyer pernah tinggal kat ATDI (asrama sblh asrama aku). berciter2la kejap pasal asrama kitorg... giler lama aku tak gi asrama tu. the last time was in 1998. itupun sbb nak amik result. being me, i seldom missed the place i left. so, takla nostalgic sgt...

have one more hour to go. hari ni tak bz langsung. what 2 do, what.... aaa

There's nothing interesting happened last weekend. so, nothing to update. last week i went to kerteh and stayed at Hyatt. giler lawa tmpt tu. it's a shame i forgot to bring my swimming gear. bilik aku sebelah jer swimming pool. pagi2 aku boleh bukak pintu and terjun dlm pool. mandila kejap ngan mat2 saleh kat situ kan.. ehehehe... tapi Hyat tu kat kuantan. so, tak dptla aku nak hang out with my "induction buddies" yg tinggal kat kerteh.

and aku punya 6" mattress tak sampai lagi. i bought it at carrefour last 2 sats and sepatutnyer sampai last sat. tapi since last fri ujan like mad, diorg tak dpt nak antar on the sat. cisss... marah tul aku. hopefully, as promised by them, the mattress will reach my home tonite by 8. so, tonite i cannot stayback. see... since keje ngan pet ni jrg giler or almost never went home on time. ada jer keje sampai kena stayback.

our house dah ada tv (boro punya). tapi cuma boleh tgk ngan jelas channel 3 shj. ermm... at least we have a tv. next is to buy dvd player. we haven't stop shopping for the house yet. everytime gi carrefour mesti buy something. naik kopak duit aku.

already...

it is monday again. since it is quite impossible to get enough rest nowadays, i just have to deal with my fatigue. cannot imagine berapa jauh i have to drive everyday... as i said before, driving can be very tiring.

to recap, i watched 2 movies over the weekend. Along came Polly and The Human Stain. both are good. The human stain tu byk noooo censored.... tapi pelakon dia power2, nicole kidman, anthony hopkins and ed harris. and along came polly just funny as hell. what do u expect, ben stiller yg berlakon... ehehehe...bilik jennifer aniston dlm movie tu sgt ethnic and lawa... i wish my room is like that. ehehehe...

a week has finally passed. mmg hectic la week ni... byk benda yg aku kena blaja before next week. and next week i will be travelling to Kerteh. tgk terminals buat planning. never been to one so do not know what to expect. also akan melawat one of the vessels over there. gonna be interesting i guess.

tried so hard to be informed about the local politics(i.e baca the star) tapi skrg still dlm mood election. so, tak byk sgt news baru. byk comments and congratulations to BN jer. kesian giler opposition party. kalau dlm paper, mmg nampak mcm black sheep giler..
gonna time myself off a bit from reading anything useful... so, gonna read craps and craps and craps for a while...

balik rumah last weekend. masa pilihanraya ni, mmg meriah giler. kalah raya. since aku tak register lagi, tak dpt la aku nak mengundi this year. maybe the next 5 years baru aku mengundi. kalau nak undi skrg mcm la aku tau sapa yg aku nak vote. dah lama aku tak update myself with the malaysian politics. even then, BN stuff kalau kat paper mesti pasal the good stuff jer and the opposition party mesti yg tak elok. mmg berat sebelah giler. so, how am i suppose to know which one is better? plus the opposition party langsung tak dikasi can to prove themselve that they can actually do something for the country.

anyhow, pilihanraya was over. at least most of it. i think i heard over the radio that one of the DUN has to revote. maybe la....

have a good day peeps...

uii.... lamanyer aku tak update. skrg dah masuk office. kerja masih tak byk... and dah dpt pc with internet connection. some people takleh access pun. but since i will be dealing with the international customers, i have to have internet la kan.

work was fun. very interesting coz i'm meeting a lot of customers, plus they normally bring something for us also. for example, today i get a perfume... cayala... perfume aku pun nak abis dah..not to mention all the free lunch and breakfast. yesterday was my first lunch meeting. abisla.... gemuk balik la aku. all the traders badan pun boleh tahan.

and my colleagues are all guys. i'm the only lady in the LPG trading dept. cannot run from guys la.... ehehhe... sian matde, he thinks if i join trading/marketing, i will not deal with guys any longer.. but the fact is, traders are dominated by guys. i think because they need to be mobile...

so guys, if u think u like to meet new people and freeeee food, jadila trader...

lama gak aku tak update this time. i am actually exhausted.. terlalu lama la training kat sini without rest. hari isnin ni baru la abis. mana tak penat nyer. right now tgh sibuk rehearsing our performance for closing ceremony. aku jadi puan alimah yg tergedik2 itu. ehehhe..... don't know where i found the courage to act up like that. i was never good at acting pun.

today went to Petrosains KLCC. best jugak tmpt tu. really worth your money and time. so, pegila kalau belum pegi. sure tak nyesal nyer.... they really take a great effort to make the place very ineteresting.

baru jer balik dari cheneh. cheneh was fun. mmg interesting giler.... easpecially sbb aku dpt buat wall climbing. something that i really wanted to try before tapi quite hard sbb aku nyer tgn and kaki tak cukup panjang. there were times where i cannot reached the batu at all, so kena turun sikit and try another route. pastu my group got lost in the jungle masa buat jungle trekking. ramai gak yg try carik kitorg. it was actually quite scary... tersesat. and for the first time in my life aku gi karaoke with a few friends masa kat cheneh tuh. ehehehe.... kira bestla jugak eventhough semua lagu lama. i think all in all, aku rasa the activities were fun cuma aku paling tak suka part kena cross a swamp. geli tul... dahla quite dalam the swamp, i had to swim a little bit coz if not, i'm sure i'll submerged. tomorrow had to continue duduk dalam kelas balik. boring.... boring...

learned about etiquette today. pasal image and of course at meja makan. payah giler. everything has to be taken in small bites and with very2 proper manner. don't know when should i actually practice it. kalau jadi diplomats jer kot. and this afternoon i will be going to Cheneh. will have 2 days of outdoor activities. hopefully tak byk nyamuk kat sana coz i forgot to bring my mopiko. gonna have fun over there... ehehehe....

yesterday was the first time i lost my handset. mak oiii... cuak nyer la aku masa tu. nasib baik last2 ada gak this one guy called my friend and bagitau phone aku ada kat dia. and this morning baru dpt balik. kus semangat..... nasibla tak yah beli tepon baru balik. alhamdullilah. already, want to get my afternoon nap before another torturing lectures. i just hate this training. i know i will get very little out of it.

lama dah aku tak update blog. skrg dah kat permata. buat training for two weeks. actually, 2 weeks and 1 day. langsung takder cuti. giler penat. napala buat training sampai camni. sampai naik demam aku. so semalam amikla one day off. sleeping the whole day. dari tengahari sampai the next day. and today still trasa mamai. some of my ex-colleague masih contact aku, membuatkan aku rasa terharu.. ehehehe... trasa appreciatedla jugak kan...

hari ni takder keje langsung. well, i have to make one phone-call to Miri and that's it for today. boss ada lak kat office. kalau dia tak masuk or masuk at least after lunch kan best. at least i can do whatever until then.

baca blog elly tadi and it seems that ramai budak taiping nak kawin. well, since aku nyer life surrounded by Taiping-leavers, aku pun tau la sedikit sbnyk perkembangan diorg. all my sisters pun kawin masa umur diorg 23-24. so, mmg expectedla for me for people to get married around now. as for me, kdg2 aku nak kawin, kdg2 tak. tapi maybe aku prefer not now la. byk sgt commitment nyer nanti. cannot go there, cannot do this and that. kena jaga hati family sblh suami.. bla2... and most importantly, belum ada duit. believe it or not, even though gaji aku blh dikira byk compared to my peers, still cuma cukup2 makan jer. hardly ada extra for saving. maybe i will change my mind bila my boyfriend start working and pray tell when is that?

semalam aku, rush and boro officially sewa our first house together. diorg pernah sewa bilik before this but not a house. we gonna have our own room. if we are lucky the owner might agree to lend us their peti ais. ice box is so expensive over here. jatuh miskin aku nak pindah rumah ni. apa2 hal pun we are so very excited to move in the new house.

Got this from elly's , ehehehe... giler lawa gambar tuh... nak simpanla. aku suka buat quiz2 dari quizzila ni.



You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted, care-
free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You have
friends and most absolutely love you. You can
be calm and soothing one minute and ragging in
anger the next so no one wants to get on your
bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

Got this from Rush... read on...


The new Age women

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound...

"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money.

"I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said,

"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Send this to every woman who's worth a lot!

semalam gi pick up offer letter kat klcc & buat medical check-up. byk tul borang kena isi. entah apa2la... procedure nak masuk petronas tu lengthy giler. ari ni lepas hampir sebulan aku gi tender aku nyer resignation, dia ckp lak better takyah tender dulu sbb tak dpt lagi medical check-up result. ish... boleh tak kalau aku tension. kalau aku tak lepas medical check-up ni mmg marah betul la aku. gi bakar klcc tu sbb tak ckp camtu awal2. ingat senang ker nak carik keje skrg ni. entah apa2 ntah.

penat nyer nak meneruskan ari ni. feels like dipping myself in a pool or something. letihla den. ngantuk juga. tonite i'll have a small gathering with my atu1 batch. with yg ada di lembah klang la. can't wait to meet them. dah lama rasanyer tak hang out together. and tomorrow i'll hang out with my girl friends kat kl. nasib baik diorg bagitau yg diorg nak gi lunch. kalau tak sure takleh nak join.

already... dah tak ngantuk sgt. so, gonna sambung buat keje.

aku gi browse2 blog deera and found one quiz which she did. and read this last paragraph

"To the extent that you are even implicitly aware of your hemispheric dominance and sensory style, you will feel most comfortable in those arenas which emphasize verbal skills and logic. Teaching, law, and science are those that stand out among the professions, along with technical sales and management. "

skrg ni aku keje as a technical sales.. ehehe.. kira sesuai la agaknyer keje aku ngan the way my brain works... and i am mildly left-hemisphere dominant.

My Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 61%
Visual : 38%
Left : 61%
Right : 38%

ehehe... kira almost balance la brain usage kan...

today aku dgr yg rumah boro (rush's friend) ada bilik kosong. aku mmg suka giler kalau boleh tinggal ngan boro. iyerla.. dia pun lbh kurang cam aku. takderla aku risau kalau2 bilik tak sempat nak kemas or just simply malas nak kemas. and aku mmg don't believe in making my bed every morning. sbb katil tu tmpt tido kan, kalau kemas.. krg aku nak tido balik... sia2 jer kan? ehehhe.. anyways, since aku dah ckp kat satu rumah tu aku nak masuk bilik dia.. skrg ni aku trasa sungguh guilty nak cancel the room coz then dia kena carik org lain lak to occupy it... but then.. i really don't want to stay with strangers.... well.. we'll see what happen next.

by today still tak dpt tgk gothika lagik. last weekend tgk intolerable cruelty. aku dah agak dah citer tu sure sucks giler. ntah apa2 ntah citer. tapi itu jer citer yg paling menarik utk ditgk. tapi sbnrnya adik aku nak tgk kuliah cinta. maybe i should try that one of these days.

and last nite aku gi tgk rumah kat vista angkasa. master bedroom... for 210/month. ok kot. aku mmg mampu pun. so, taknak pk byk2. even though mahal sikit and rumah tu takder washing machine. kena tumpang rumah rush kot. tapi baik giler the housemate. dia kata takyah bagi deposit pun. masa aku masuk nanti aku bayar. masa tu aku takder duit pun. bila masuk rumah nanti sure byk giler kena spend. tensi... tensi...

bila baca balik entry2 yg sudah. mcm depress giler aku ni. maybe i am. so.. kali ni, aku nak try tulis something happier. what aa... think... think... obviously, takder mende yg aku boleh tulis.

anyways, sbb skrg ni aku tgh tunggu matde pun. better just write down something. lately ni aku selalu duduk and termenung pasal apa yg aku nak out of my life. what actually that i would like to do? pk punya pk... last2 aku find out yg aku tak tau apa yg aku nak. i couldn't make my mind. being rich would be great but that won't happen anytime soon unless i get married with someone super rich. working with petronas for 10 yrs won't make me rich either... but one thing that i know is that i don't want to spend the rest of my life working. at some point i just want to live life... but how am i suppose to do it when i don't know what i want?

so... maybe this is what people says, take it one at a time and take it easy. just grab whatever opportunity that comes our way and try to make the best out of it. Philosophical giler.... well... what to do...

this is not a very happy entry indeed. ehehehe... another confusion in jirah's small mind.

ehmmm.... aku trasa sungguh tensi pada saat ini. nak tido pun susah. don't know why this changing workplace really stressing me out. mcm2 la aku dgr. well, maybe i should keep it to myself in the first place so no one would know so that no one can give their comment so that i am not stress out. i also don't understand why i keep making mistakes. mistakes that i wish never happen. so, in the end.. to keep myself sane, i have to make a little bit adjustment on my perception to accept the way things are. normally that works. it works when i failed one of my classes in umich. it should work now.. i hope.

and to unstress myself, i think i'll watch gothika or go swimming. just do something that will get all these unwanted "maybes" clouded my mind. ohh... i just wish this month to be over with as quickly as possible.

kena marah lagi ari ni... apala nak jadi ngan aku ni. tension tul. masuk ni ntah dah brapa kali la aku buat silap. dahla buat silap yg boleh mengbankrapkan company. mesti boss aku suka giler bila aku dah tak keje sini krg. senang sikit kerja dia. sure lega jer dia.

anyways, today ada org baru masuk. bolehla tahan ke-cute-an nyer. and single some more. eheheh...

ngantuk giler. bilala nak balik ni. skrg tgh giler baca buku Wheel of Time. baru baca the first book. so, malam ni nak gi borong the rest of the books kat midvelly. eheheh... mmg berhantu tul la baca buku citer yg bersiri. ni kena pengaruh matde la ni. suka sgt baca fantasy books. entah apa2 ntah.

tiba2 bz lak aku skrg ni. last week aku ada second interview ngan petronas. apparently, my interviewer likes me. so, dia nak masukkan aku kat department dia. so, aku gi jumpa the other managers. and finally, diorg nak aku masuk as soon as possible. and since aku masih bekerja. aku takleh la nak masuk terus kan. kena berenti keje dulu... bla.. bla... so. if everything goes well, insyallah i'll be joining petronas by march 1st kat klcc. skrg ni tgh carik2 rumah ngan member2 yg duduk kl. kat vista angkasa (tmpt tinggal rush) mmg selalu ada kosong but a little expensive. so, tgh carik rumah lain.

time to go home.

aku gi check web apu, then of course la terbaca apu nyer comment about my comment of LOTR. ehehehe... so, aku nak justifyla aku nyer comment. aku rasa lotr is not that great just because of it's predictibily. coz, i would like to know what happens if the hantu in the jungle refuse to help aragon? what happen if the cannot die man is not killed by the princess and what if the ring not thrown into the lava? but if i stop thinking that way, i think the movie is great. plus, i've been hearing people said the movie was super super fantastic. some even cried.. so... my expectation was very high. all in all, i think it's all in the mind. so, that is why nowadays, when i go to the movies i try not to predict what will happen next coz it is surely a spoiler. but sometimes i cannot help it coz you know matde, he thinks he is sooo smart that he knows everything that's going on... so... aku pun kenala wreck my brain to figure it out too... peace apu.... ehehehe...

Oh.. and gambar yg kat web apu tu gambar masa kitorg gi new york kot. best gi trip tu sbb aku asyik tido jer in the car... never once kena jadi co-pilot. ehehehe.. not that i can read the map anyway.

last nite aku gi tgk movie "cheaper by the dozen". kelakar giler citer tu. i can totally relate to that movie coz my siblings pun ramai gak. even though takla sampai 12. i always love being in a huge family. i am almost never alone and the house is never empty. at least someone must be at home. and i love it that my mom don't go to work. someone has to manage the family right? tapi as usual, since my father don't earn that much in a month, there's a lot of sharing (food+clothes) that we have to do. one of the rules that we made among ourselve is if you don't want to share your junk food, finish it before you got home. and baju mmg hand-down punyala... if you're not a first child, time raya jerla dpt baju baru. that is why i am so grateful adanyer hari raya. if not... i'll be wearing hand-down clothes all year around. but things are looking up right now, half of us dah bekerja. money is not as big an issue as before. anyways, i'll love my family sooooo much and grateful i can finally stay with them now.

the thing with me is that when somebody scolded me and after i dealt with it and somehow try put it behind me. i don't need anyone even my boss to remind me about it. can't they just leave it? i cannot write nicely coz i am a damn engineer. not a writer. i'm use to a short explanation. sometimes i think that short explanation is polite enough. i am sorry that it is not to others. don't they think i don't have feelings?

i am blamed and accused of delaying a shipment and losing stuff when the stuff is not there when it arrived in my office. am i a god to control everything? everyone is blaming ME for something that i have no control of. kalau la aku ada kuasa nak control semua tu, of course aku make sure everything is ok. cubala paham yg aku ni cuma org tgh. mentang2la aku org baru, ada hal jer, semua salah aku. camner aku nak baca otak org? camner? camner aku nak tau bagi dia polite ke idak. pastu aku kena duduk depan email 10 jam ker nak krg bagi nampak mcm sasterawan negara? bangang tul.

all in all. aku rasa sales engineer is not for me. have to get other jobs that don't have to deal with people coz that sucks. or at least cuma deal ngan kawan sekerja jer.

tiba2 jer aku ada byk keje... penat lak rasa. selalunyer aku lepak jer. mmg very unpredictable betul la.

last weekend aku found out that a friend of mine dah broke up ngan awek dia. sian... dah lama bersama.. tiba2 broke up la pulak. rasanyer lately mcm byk lak couple yg breaking up. bila dah trasa camtu, aku pun terpkla pasal aku ngan matde. dah masuk 3 tahun rupanyer kitorg putting up with each other. maybe this a call for celebration? ehehe... hope everything will go well in the future...

another crazy quiz from quizzila... got it from elly





Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."


What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

I never have a favorite tv shows before but nowadays I think I have a few. Every Tuesday night at 9pm I have to watch Alias. I will not miss it if I can help it. I know it is pathetic. Come on, alias is not that good but still I find it the most interesting. Of course in the end the Bristows will kick Alvine Sloane’s ass. I just hate it when I already know the ending. Just like lotr. Everyone knows in the end the ring will be thrown inside the lava. Duh.. don’t have to take a genius to figure that out. That movie is just too frustrating that I can’t stop complaining about it.

Next, I love to watch anime Ranma ½ everyday from 7-8 pm. That anime is so hilarious. Eheheh… cannot stop laughing when I watched it. I love to see how ranma and akane develop their ‘relationship’. You see, they’re 15 and engaged so that when they got married, they will take over the ‘Satome Anything Goes Style’ dojo. You’ve got to watch how directionless is Ryoga. It takes 7 days for him to get from the front door to the backyard. Ehehehe… and they also have the silliest martial moves. Just got to watch it.

I love CSI too but not the CSI Miami. I prefer the casts of CSI Las Vegas. But in terms of the storyline, it is pretty much the same. Horatio doesn’t look as cool as Grissom and the gun girl from Miami(cannot remember the name) looks so arrogant. Besides, the casts look too good to be true. No matter la kan. I still watch both CSIs to kill my time. Unlike my parents, me and the rest of house occupants kill our time with watching tvs.

Happy new year

as usual, tak buat apa2 celebration for my birthday. My family just don’t celebrate birthdays. Kalau iyer, mmg bengkok la bapak aku. Nak entertain 10 people just for birthdays. Normally, org punya birthday yg beli kek or apa2 jerla for the family. But since I’m too lazy to go to town and buy a cake. Cake pun takder this yr. maybe next time.

Last week aku tgk 2 movies. Paycheck and Jutawan Fakir. Okla both movies. Well, at least I think Paycheck is better than lotr because it is not as predictable. Jutawan fakir pun not bad. Lawak dia mmg laughable. Not like mami jarum. Buat lawak entah apa2 ntah.

There’s nothing really much happening on my new year. Took 2 days off, one to finish off my leave for 2003 and one for 2004. 2003 was a good year. A lot has happened during that year. I graduated, got my first permanent job, first time driving a car, first time staying with my family for 8 months straight in 11 years, first time beraya at home after 4 years and to have my own car. Kira orait gakla.. ehehehe…