people dont change... at least i believe so
even when they want to change, it is very very difficult to do so
almost impossible if i may add

sabar itu ada separuh dari iman
iman adalah percaya
beriman kepada Allah=percaya kepada Allah
jadi, jika kita beriman... kita mestila juga bersabar
tetapi amatlah sukar untuk bersabar jika persekitaran kita amatlah tidak membantu

we are only human... who wants to do the best for ourselves.... and the people we love....

sabar.... sabar sabar sabar sabar

new year... new resolution
still working very hard to achieve it

i think i have lost faith in people
i was very shocked that the only person that i thought was honoest, sincere and will never turn her back and backstab me has done it. i was being blame for her lack of detail attitude. i was really taken aback when it was actually my fault that she does not read properly....

so... things has happened. there is no point in dwelling further on it. we can only move on. but this incident really has open my eyes that what kind of person she is if she can do this to me.... the fact that i did not consider it. i always back her up. convince other people that she is ok inspite of other stories that was being told...

there really no point in this ranting. so... i have make a resolution, i will do the best i can in office. if by God's will that i will still be blame for the things i did not do... i leave it to Allah judgments. for He is the most just.. i am just a human with many many faults...

may Allah protect myself and family from this kind of people...

i have big problem balancing between family and work
this is so tough
i have a perception in Islam, we are responsible to balance everything in our life.
between dunia and akhirat...
betwwen family and career
i have come to a point where i need to choose where am i heading in my career
do i stay and spend less time with my kids and travel the world looking for business
or do i go find a desk job which i may not like so much but will give me more time with my kids.
so, i asked myself, what is the purpose of my life.
snd recently i found that my purpose on this earth is to worship Allah
i can worship Allah and have my career
but what about my family?
think i really have to prioratize my life. which is more important?
when i passed away, the ones that will remember and hopefully will pray for me is my kids. so, they are my priority... i need to guide them...
i think i kinda know waht to do now.... ermmm.... i like what i do... damnnnnn
i have to keep remind myself... there's so much that i need to improve about myself... masyaAllah....
it is a never ending struggle of the heart....may Allah never stop giving me guidance on what is best...

last few days was listening to the translation of "Al-Humaza"
MasyaAllah.... for me it is a common knowledge that we should not mengumpat or talk bad about people... but after listening to this surah translation, it really open my eyes and heart how bad this is
for years, i have been talking bad behind and in front of people. Allah really angry at this kind of people. SubhanAllah... may Allah forgive my shortcomings
it is indeed much easier said than done. i have to always consciously remember not to talk bad about people behind their back or in front of them. i still remember there was a line in Quran that mentioned about how we were given lips so that we may control our tongue. MasyaAllah...

in my line of work, this is really really hard to do. sometimes they make me angry, was being inefficeint and i just lost it. it will make me feel very bad for yelling at the person coz when it happens, normally i do it in front of people. and Allah does not approve of such behavior.

as hard as it is, i will need to do this... i must stop talking bad about people behind their back or yell at them or even look at them condensingly. MasyaAllah... besar nyer la dosa aku ni....

marilah kita sama2 berusaha ke arah itu..

My son is getting curious at things.
Some of the questions are pretty hard to be answered.
Yesterday we were sitting on the chair that my late mom and dad used to sit
No one sat there anymore and it collected some dust
His first question was why is the chairs so dirty?
I answered this was atuk n nenek chair. Then he saw my mom's scooter.
He asked whose scooter it was and I answered
Then he asked why no one used that scooter, I answered because nenek has passed away
I guess he remembered his grandpa or grandma funeral and start asking about why nenek passed away
That is so hard to answer because he wouldn't understand what cancer is
I did say nenek has a bad stomach ache and she was sick. He got scared. He said he doesn't want to get stomach ache.
Whenever my son asked questions I try my best to answer him with things that he can relate with
I hope he can understand it
I remembered when I was a child I use to wonder about things and I hope I can guide my son and will not stop him to be curious at things

Every Ramadhan i try to improved myself spiritually and will try to increase my ibadah. normally i do it by trying to read Quran and it's meaning. somehow i cannot relate the meaning to my life at all. Quran should be the guidance of our life and we should be able to apply it as it is timeless. so, i search the net and you tube of some tafsir since i dont have time to go find scholars and dedicate some hours for this. this is the best i can do for now. alhamdullilah, found some tafsir from Brother Nouman Ali Khan. Have been listening to it since then whenever i can, which is very little indeed with juggling between work, kids and husband.

the tafseer were dated since 2009 and it is very contemporary. He explains each word in each ayat and try to relate it to current situation. it gives an insight and deeper meaning than the Quran translation that i normally read. Masya Allah... the first tafseer i listened was surah Al Asr. Masya Allah... this surah really gives me perspective of what i should prioritize in my life. if any of the reader have time, please go and study this surah. "Demi Masa sesungguhnyer manusia dalam kerugian"
and there is actually a song about it.

i am not a scholar and will not be able to give any commentary on the surah or whatsoever. according to Brother Nouman human in nature is obsessed. we will try to find something to worship over. some goes after dress, games, girls... etc etc... when we really should be worshipping Allah. somehow i saw the truth in it. i was quite lost before, since i have no passion for anything, i feel a bit lost really. when i hear this and try as best to worship Allah in a deeper meaning. to truly worship Allah and do it not because it is mandatory but to do it because i want it. I can now look at the world differently than before. what i have and what i think or even the advises i give to my colleague at work does not come from me. it came from Allah... subhanallah...

I still have issues about my hubby not giving enough money though. this one i still work on it and will try to deal with it maybe for the rest of my life.

May Allah never stop giving us guidance